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why (long)

Posted by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 3:01 PM
  • 15 Replies
Cant his ex wife see me as his new wife instead of of thinking I'm trying to take her place in their sons life? Like why is it so hard to believe that i do care for and love their son instead of thinking i do this to hurt her feelings? He calls me mommy when he is here on weekends and she knows that, she told him it was ok not me. And then one day she comes to get SS and shes yelling at my husband saying "she will never be his mother, she cant be because she Didn't give birth to him!" so hubby says " then why tell our son to call her mommy? And then why do you call your SF dad? He's NOT your father". So she gets pissed more an says im taking her place and i need to stop and all this crap. I just dont get what i ever did to make her hate me. They were split up for 6 years before we got together. And she is the biggest hypocrite! She lets every man she knows be called daddy by my SS!
Ugh sorry had to get it out.
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by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 3:01 PM
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Replies (1-10):
movieq
by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 3:42 PM

Sometimes you think something will be ok until you see/hear it happen and then it hurts too bad.  I would imagine that it really has nothing to do with you and it just hit her wrong at the moment when it became real to her.  Being both a BM and a SM, I can understand how bad that hurts you and I can understand her point of view.  As long as you care about your SS it will work out.

deviljrswifey
by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 3:46 PM
I hope so. I mean ive never done anything wrong to his mother. Ive helped find her doctors for him when she has been busy and etc.


Quoting movieq:

Sometimes you think something will be ok until you see/hear it happen and then it hurts too bad.  I would imagine that it really has nothing to do with you and it just hit her wrong at the moment when it became real to her.  Being both a BM and a SM, I can understand how bad that hurts you and I can understand her point of view.  As long as you care about your SS it will work out.


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faerie75
by Ruby Member on Dec. 18, 2012 at 3:46 PM

 just stop thinking about whtever the hell she thinks. idgaf what she sees me as, hell she can think im the other woman for all i care (i wasnt) i just dont like her thinking im her fucking daycare at her convenience. lol

Tigress22304
by Ruby Member on Dec. 18, 2012 at 3:51 PM

well, she's right. You're not his mother, she is. And you shouldn't allow the child to call you mommy.

Don't question anything she does. She isn't you. You just do your thing and try to avoid her at all costs.

kristinbugg
by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 4:36 PM
Stop allowing the child to call you Mommy. Unfortunately, as you've already allowed it, it will be, as my Grandpa is fond of saying, as hard as trying to corrall the horses once they've been let out the pen.

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deviljrswifey
by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 5:00 PM
1 mom liked this
. I know im not his mother and she allows him to refer to me as mommy and me and my hubby tell him not to.


Quoting Tigress22304:

well, she's right. You're not his mother, she is. And you shouldn't allow the child to call you mommy.

Don't question anything she does. She isn't you. You just do your thing and try to avoid her at all costs.


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deviljrswifey
by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 5:01 PM
Once again i know im not his mother and I've told my SS not to but he doesn't listen.


Quoting kristinbugg:

Stop allowing the child to call you Mommy. Unfortunately, as you've already allowed it, it will be, as my Grandpa is fond of saying, as hard as trying to corrall the horses once they've been let out the pen.




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deviljrswifey
by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 5:22 PM
Obviously both of you missed the whole point. Thanks for nothing.
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Derdriu
by Gold Member on Dec. 18, 2012 at 5:28 PM

Maybe she bought into the "one big happy family" ideal and has since come to realize she doesn't want to share? 

Continue discouraging him from calling you mom.  Children should know and respect who their parents are, also knowing which roles other adults in their lives fill.  SM and BM should not be in competition with one another, so calling SM "mom" is generally a bad idea.  At some point, if BM feels threatened by another woman being called mom, kiddo is likely to end up at the center of a loyalty conflict.

Other than that, you asked an excellent point.  Why can't many BMs just see SM as BD's new wife?  There's so freaking much expectation that comes along, much of which is crap.  Now granted, some SM's can't seem to see themselves as BD's wife and try to jump into a mommy role.  Nonetheless, undermining and instructing kids to be disrespectful, mistreating SM because she's affiliated with the ex, attempting to manipulate BD via SM, and so on and so forth... bunch 'o crap. 

deviljrswifey
by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 5:29 PM
Thank you! Someone who actually gets it.


Quoting Derdriu:

Maybe she bought into the "one big happy family" ideal and has since come to realize she doesn't want to share? 


Continue discouraging him from calling you mom.  Children should know and respect who their parents are, also knowing which roles other adults in their lives fill.  SM and BM should not be in competition with one another, so calling SM "mom" is generally a bad idea.  At some point, if BM feels threatened by another woman being called mom, kiddo is likely to end up at the center of a loyalty conflict.


Other than that, you asked an excellent point.  Why can't many BMs just see SM as BD's new wife?  There's so freaking much expectation that comes along, much of which is crap.  Now granted, some SM's can't seem to see themselves as BD's wife and try to jump into a mommy role.  Nonetheless, undermining and instructing kids to be disrespectful, mistreating SM because she's affiliated with the ex, attempting to manipulate BD via SM, and so on and so forth... bunch 'o crap. 


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