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What is your opinion

Posted by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 3:07 PM
  • 22 Replies

Hi BM & SM!!


anyways, I was wanting to know how you as a BM feel if your child was to call SM "mommy (insert name". For Example, SM name is tina your kids call her "mommy/momma tina". How do you as a BM feel about this? Or SM how do you feel about your kids calling you this? 


second scenario: BMs: How would you feel if SM were to say "my __ yr old" in front of you talking to a couple of people. For example say SD/SS is 6 and yall are at a school function and SM is talking about SS/SD and says "my 6 yr old" 


This is both for NCSM and CSM. for each scenario. I would just like to know what is your opinion on these. Thank you ladies. 

by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 3:07 PM
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Replies (1-10):
whatIknownow
by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 3:14 PM

First scenario: I wouldn't care. It would not mean that the child really thinks that's his mother. In any case my kids barely knew their SM so I was never in a position for this to be a possibility. But as a mother I don't think it would bother me, by itself. It might bother me  if the SM is a really creepy coveter who does creepy coveter things on the regular and who was mean to my kids OR forced them to call her that. Then I'd be thinking it's like "mommy Dearest", no wire hangers!

Second scenario: I don't think I'd even notice if I am far away. If I'm sitting literally right next to her I'd think she was trying to pretend to be something, to impress her friends. But it woudn't bother me, it would just be funny. I guess in that case I'd also wonder what other misrepresentations of the truth she had told her friends.


ladyk86
by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 3:18 PM

ok, so just curious, you would have no problem with it. but i do have one question for you. the second scenario, SM wasn't trying to misinterpret but just saying my 6 yr old just not saying my 6 yr old SD/SS. 

Quoting whatIknownow:

First scenario: I wouldn't care. It would not mean that the child really thinks that's his mother. In any case my kids barely knew their SM so I was never in a position for this to be a possibility. But as a mother I don't think it would bother me, by itself. It might bother me  if the SM is a really creepy coveter who does creepy coveter things on the regular and who was mean to my kids OR forced them to call her that. Then I'd be thinking it's like "mommy Dearest", no wire hangers!

Second scenario: I don't think I'd even notice if I am far away. If I'm sitting literally right next to her I'd think she was trying to pretend to be something, to impress her friends. But it woudn't bother me, it would just be funny. I guess in that case I'd also wonder what other misrepresentations of the truth she had told her friends.



leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Dec. 18, 2012 at 3:19 PM
I would be indifferent, it wouldn't affect me but I wouldn't ever be in such a position.
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whatIknownow
by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 3:24 PM
1 mom liked this

well in my own particular situation, with the SM completely uninvolved, for her to call my kid "my 6yo" would just make no sense. If she did it, it would be to misrepresent her situation. 

In my own SM role, my DH has custody and BM has every other weekend. If she were sitting next to me I would not say "my 6yo" because she would think I was pretending he was my son. If she wasn't near me, I might say "my 6yo" if I were talking to a group of moms with 6yo's.

such as, Mom X says "what is it with 6yo's and veggies? my 6yo doesn't eat peas," and I might say, "neither does my 6yo but he does like corn."  So the conversation is about 6yo's, it makes sense to say "my 6yo."

or I might say "my 6yo stepson likes corn." It really depends on whether the use of "my 6yo" would be interpreted to mean "my son" or  "a child who I take care of who is 6."

Quoting ladyk86:

ok, so just curious, you would have no problem with it. but i do have one question for you. the second scenario, SM wasn't trying to misinterpret but just saying my 6 yr old just not saying my 6 yr old SD/SS. 

Quoting whatIknownow:

First scenario: I wouldn't care. It would not mean that the child really thinks that's his mother. In any case my kids barely knew their SM so I was never in a position for this to be a possibility. But as a mother I don't think it would bother me, by itself. It might bother me  if the SM is a really creepy coveter who does creepy coveter things on the regular and who was mean to my kids OR forced them to call her that. Then I'd be thinking it's like "mommy Dearest", no wire hangers!

Second scenario: I don't think I'd even notice if I am far away. If I'm sitting literally right next to her I'd think she was trying to pretend to be something, to impress her friends. But it woudn't bother me, it would just be funny. I guess in that case I'd also wonder what other misrepresentations of the truth she had told her friends.




momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Dec. 18, 2012 at 3:27 PM
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1. Mommy ( insert name) really doesn't bother me. My dd often calls my dh ( daddy Bob) because daddy bob and I have a child together that calls him daddy and dd thinks its easier. Most times she calls him 'bob' and nothing else. I am sure she secretly has other names for her stepfather as she does for me when she is mad at us lol.
On the other hand, what does or did bother me is SM forcing my child to call her Mom. She ignores her if my dd calls her by her first name. It isn't that she wants dd to call her mom, it is more that she is forced and dd is not comfortable calling SM mom since she has had a mom for 11 years. And even if dd does call SM mom so that she can actually be acknowledged, I know that my child knows who her mama is and that she is not at all confused.

2. If my dd's SM did that, I would think she was speaking of her own 11 year old since our kids are the same age. I think she would need to be more specific since they are both girls and the same age. At lunch today, my husband told a co- worker, our oldest likes XYZ. Everyone knows that my husband is my daughters stepfather so it's not like he is lying to them. But he would not do that in front of DDs dad out of respect for her dad.
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momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Dec. 18, 2012 at 3:29 PM
Haha I didn't even read your response yet and we had the same example. Lol so much alike.


Quoting whatIknownow:

well in my own particular situation, with the SM completely uninvolved, for her to call my kid "my 6yo" would just make no sense. If she did it, it would be to misrepresent her situation. 

In my own SM role, my DH has custody and BM has every other weekend. If she were sitting next to me I would not say "my 6yo" because she would think I was pretending he was my son. If she wasn't near me, I might say "my 6yo" if I were talking to a group of moms with 6yo's.

such as, Mom X says "what is it with 6yo's and veggies? my 6yo doesn't eat peas," and I might say, "neither does my 6yo but he does like corn."  So the conversation is about 6yo's, it makes sense to say "my 6yo."

or I might say "my 6yo stepson likes corn." It really depends on whether the use of "my 6yo" would be interpreted to mean "my son" or  "a child who I take care of who is 6."


Quoting ladyk86:

ok, so just curious, you would have no problem with it. but i do have one question for you. the second scenario, SM wasn't trying to misinterpret but just saying my 6 yr old just not saying my 6 yr old SD/SS. 


Quoting whatIknownow:

First scenario: I wouldn't care. It would not mean that the child really thinks that's his mother. In any case my kids barely knew their SM so I was never in a position for this to be a possibility. But as a mother I don't think it would bother me, by itself. It might bother me  if the SM is a really creepy coveter who does creepy coveter things on the regular and who was mean to my kids OR forced them to call her that. Then I'd be thinking it's like "mommy Dearest", no wire hangers!

Second scenario: I don't think I'd even notice if I am far away. If I'm sitting literally right next to her I'd think she was trying to pretend to be something, to impress her friends. But it woudn't bother me, it would just be funny. I guess in that case I'd also wonder what other misrepresentations of the truth she had told her friends.





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faerie75
by Ruby Member on Dec. 18, 2012 at 3:39 PM

 as a BM i probably wouldnt much like it but if my kid chose to call a SM that but i like to think i wouldnt try to make the kid feel like shit about it. i have never been in that position though.

i encourage the skids to call me casey.

second scenario, i would think to myself "you mean MY___?" but i wouldnt say it. the kid knows he or she is mine and so does the school person. im not for drama.

KLBrown
by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 3:40 PM

1. If their dad was active in their life and remarried to someone who's good to my kids and the kids choose to give her such a name, yay for them.

2. If BM is sitting right there, I'd say "the 6yo" or call him by name. I'm not gonna call hers mine right in front of her.

Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Dec. 18, 2012 at 3:46 PM

My biological children don't have step-parents, so I don't know if my input is necessary. I'd like to think that if my BKs had a SM I'd be OK with them calling her mom IF it was their choice and not something forced on them. I'm OK with SD calling me by my name. Until she was 6 she did. However, between 6 and 7 she started calling me mommy. DH and I tried to correct her, I'd respond with "Your mom is at home silly, I'm (insert name)" and she'd refuse to call me by my name. This was shortly after the birth of my second biological child.

I refer to SD as my 12 year old. I don't specify my SD. And honestly, it doesn't occur to me to be specific that she's my SD, and not out of disrespect to BM or anything. BM actual refers to me as SD's other mom. 

yesmaam
by Silver Member on Dec. 18, 2012 at 3:46 PM

 1st sitch - I don't care, my DS does call SM mom, not momma Em, but mom. It tells me they have a trustworthy relationship, enough so he feels comfortable calling her that.

2nd sitch - I can't say she's done it in front of me...all I've heard her say is, "and this is D". Now DS's teacher was under the impression SM was BM one year, but I just said no, I'm mommy :) No biggie, SM must've been very involved and concerned for the teacher to think that. Hey, more power to her.

I'm CBM and CSM.

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