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Confused, numb, angry, frustrated :(

Posted by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 3:12 PM
  • 12 Replies

Hi,

I really don't know how this works and I  didn't know where else to go, or what else to do. I wish there was a VENTING group to just meet and vent. No judgments, just listening. I have been married 6 years to a wonderful man and father. I have children of my own and 2 step children. His daughter lives with us. I feel terrible most of the time because I CAN'T STAND, my step kids at all. They are now 18 and 16. They rarely shower, they are lazy, they eat everything under the sun and I can't say anything because otherwise my husband lashes back with mine. The difference is I'll tell my kids..."you smell like butt, go take a shower". He tells his and they start crying or get all hurt...and he doesn't even say it like I do. I try to talk to him about how I feel I walk on eggshells in my own home, but it doesn't matter because we get into a fight. I feel I'm getting to the point I want out. His kids go through our room and our drawers. His daughter uses my makeup, goes through my personal items and there are no consequences. I've never had to hide my things and now I feel I have too, but he gets mad. His son drinks our alcohol that we don't keep around anymore, gets caught for smoking pot and there is little to no punishment. I have the step kids from hell. I love my husband dearly and if it wasn't for us blending families we would be great, but this is too hard and I don't know what to do to make it better. By all means my children are not perfect, but we've never had the issues we have with his and he's admitted that. I just don't know what to do. My only option is to go to the gym to get away from my own home. It's far too much to write about what goes on and of course I know this is MY perception of how I see our home and he has his own....but I hate I have no one who understands and nowhere to vent. I would rather my life back alone with my kids, than to be married and now looking back I wish I had waited another 15 years before getting involved again. Blending family sucks ass at least with his kids....and I feel terrible about myself because I love kids...just not his. I don't want this to end our marriage because I can't imagine myself with anyone else, but I'm not happy going home anymore...so I need some serious advice.

Thanks, L 

 

by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 3:12 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Tigress22304
by Ruby Member on Dec. 18, 2012 at 3:46 PM
2 moms liked this

oh dear god......lock up your valuables/alcohol and have a talk with your husband about personal boundaries.

I'm sorry my mother allowed 2 of my siblings to behave the same way your skids are acting-it got to the point my stepfather kept locks on everything (their bedroom/my bedroom/kitchen cabinets/the bar cabinet downstairs etc)

2) Disengage. I would highly suggest you pack up your shit and your children (if you have any) and run for the hills. But I know not every woman wants to hear that. So, disengage. Don't do a damn thing for his kids.

I"m sorry at 16 and 18 they know right from wrong and as long as dad enables them to continue this bad behavior-you won't be able to do much to stop it.

Where is their mother?! Is there any family that could help?

andie646c
by Silver Member on Dec. 18, 2012 at 3:47 PM

First, be grateful the children aren't trying to kill you in your sleep. (Or threatened it)

Second, start standing up to those kids. Tell them no. Put locks on things. Up to this point, it seems from your post, you have shown them respect. Both are old enough now to see that and return it. If they can't do that for you, why do it for them?

sandeeyo
by Le Bonjour Chat on Dec. 18, 2012 at 5:45 PM

Lock your stuff up.  If DH doesn't care that his kids smell like ass, you shouldn't either.  That's on them.

chanizen
by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 6:01 PM
2 moms liked this
You don't have step kids from hell. You have married a permissive parent. Which means, for you, you have a husband from hell.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
pepper504
by Platinum Member on Dec. 18, 2012 at 6:15 PM
1 mom liked this


Quoting sandeeyo:

Lock your stuff up.  If DH doesn't care that his kids smell like ass, you shouldn't either.  That's on them.

This.

I stopped riding DH's ass on how his kid never brushed his teeth or showered/bathed when he was at our house and things got easier.  He does not care about his kid's hygiene, neither did I. 

Lock everything up!  If DH has issues with it, then that is on him to fix.  I'd put a lock on my bedroom door to start.  As for the alcohol, his kids are not of age. If they get busted and they tell the police where they got it from...DH is in trouble for that. 

Where is their mother?

Charli627
by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 6:25 PM


Quoting sandeeyo:

Lock your stuff up.  If DH doesn't care that his kids smell like ass, you shouldn't either.  That's on them.

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
SavesSpiders
by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 6:32 PM
If he will agree, talk to him in front of a counseler. The counsler won't be a referee so much as a person in the room to keep him from reacting irrationally.


Quoting Tigress22304:

oh dear god......lock up your valuables/alcohol and have a talk with your husband about personal boundaries.

I'm sorry my mother allowed 2 of my siblings to behave the same way your skids are acting-it got to the point my stepfather kept locks on everything (their bedroom/my bedroom/kitchen cabinets/the bar cabinet downstairs etc)

2) Disengage. I would highly suggest you pack up your shit and your children (if you have any) and run for the hills. But I know not every woman wants to hear that. So, disengage. Don't do a damn thing for his kids.

I"m sorry at 16 and 18 they know right from wrong and as long as dad enables them to continue this bad behavior-you won't be able to do much to stop it.

Where is their mother?! Is there any family that could help?


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
angelmommy2806
by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 6:49 PM
I agree with this because we're going through it with my SD15. With someone else in the room Dh is actually seeing his daughter isn't perfect and I'm not the devil.

Quoting SavesSpiders:

If he will agree, talk to him in front of a counseler. The counsler won't be a referee so much as a person in the room to keep him from reacting irrationally.




Quoting Tigress22304:

oh dear god......lock up your valuables/alcohol and have a talk with your husband about personal boundaries.

I'm sorry my mother allowed 2 of my siblings to behave the same way your skids are acting-it got to the point my stepfather kept locks on everything (their bedroom/my bedroom/kitchen cabinets/the bar cabinet downstairs etc)

2) Disengage. I would highly suggest you pack up your shit and your children (if you have any) and run for the hills. But I know not every woman wants to hear that. So, disengage. Don't do a damn thing for his kids.

I"m sorry at 16 and 18 they know right from wrong and as long as dad enables them to continue this bad behavior-you won't be able to do much to stop it.

Where is their mother?! Is there any family that could help?


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
sassy711
by on Dec. 19, 2012 at 8:15 AM

His kids are acting this way because he's allowed it for far too long.  Lock up your stuff, disengage and get boundaries.  You and DH really need to get some counseling.  Maybe DH will learn parenting skills.  Good luck

momto3B
by on Dec. 19, 2012 at 8:30 AM

Start from scratch and work with your DH to establish household rules, boundries and punishments  for EVERYONE to follow, your children his children.

All the children should shower, everyone should pick up after themselves, no one should enter your room without permission etc etc. 

You need  to parent all of your children together. 

Best of luck to you.

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