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Question for all the single moms out there do you treat your sons like the man of the house?

Posted by on Dec. 20, 2012 at 9:54 AM
  • 11 Replies

Question for all the single moms out there do you treat your sons like the man of the house? And at what age do you start doing this? Now my exh was away a lot and I don't think I ever my son that he was the man of the house while dad is away. He is a child and doesn't need to do adult things or worry about adult things. Now yes he did do chores and stuff but that is normal for any kid. BM treats SD like that man of the house and he is 10. She discusses with him adult things and has him doing things that I think he is to young to do. I want to tell BM get off your lazy fat ass and do it your self. He is a kid and needs to act and be treated like a kid not an adult. SO has mentioned it to BM that he is too young and doesn't need to know about adult things but it goes in one ear and out the other.  I just feel bad for SD. 

by on Dec. 20, 2012 at 9:54 AM
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Replies (1-10):
KnowItAll
by Silver Member on Dec. 20, 2012 at 10:18 AM
1 mom liked this

Personally, I wouldn't treat any child as the man of the house even if he were 25.  Men are the "man of the house" when it's their own house that they are providing for.  If I was single, there just wouldn't be a "man of the house". 

needsupport100
by on Dec. 20, 2012 at 10:26 AM

lol i guess i'll respond here too.

i dont' think it's YOUR place to be telling bm anything about her son. i highly doubt she cares what you think.

i have treated my daughter like a woman of the house and it's actually paid off for her.

sassy711
by on Dec. 20, 2012 at 10:29 AM
1 mom liked this

Way too many parents do this.  Dad's will treat the oldest female like the woman of the home, and Mom's will treat the oldest male like the man of the home.  This is a really bad move and has long term consequences.  Kids are kids and shouldn't be involved with or have knowledge of adult matters.  It's too much for them.  It also sets up barricades that are hard to take down when/if the parent re-marries.

This happened wirh DH.  He had custody of all 3 of his kids and the oldest was a girl.  DH was working 12 hour days/7 days a week and oldest SD took over a bunch of items to help out (cooking, getting laundry done, driving the kids to their activities, making sure the other kids got homework done etc..)  This was for about 1 year or so, as BM was living about 3+ hours away (her choice).  Now I did the same with my oldest as well.  It's about asking for help with the other kids.  The difference is that my oldest knew it was only to help me out.  DH's oldest took it to mean that she was an equal to DH, and was to be consulted about everything. 

Before we got married, DH and I discussed how our marriage was going to affect his oldest.  I knew it was going to be a problem as DH had become way way too permissive with the oldest SD and this is turn had created the "dad and me against the world" mentality.  It was a mess.  She never accepted my place in his life and tried to break us up numerous times.  DH understands that HIS actions created the problem, but you can't go back in time and undo everything.  To this day the SD really resents me and it continues to cause friction in his relationship with her. 

Bottom line, kids are kids, not mini adults.  Keep it that way. 

amonkeymom
by Amy on Dec. 20, 2012 at 3:28 PM
1 mom liked this

Hmmm... this is probably a question to ask on the Single Moms group...

MakesPrtyBabies
by Bronze Member on Dec. 20, 2012 at 3:53 PM
Sassy, we have the same issue in our home. Any advice from someone who's been there longer?


Quoting sassy711:

Way too many parents do this.  Dad's will treat the oldest female like the woman of the home, and Mom's will treat the oldest male like the man of the home.  This is a really bad move and has long term consequences.  Kids are kids and shouldn't be involved with or have knowledge of adult matters.  It's too much for them.  It also sets up barricades that are hard to take down when/if the parent re-marries.


This happened wirh DH.  He had custody of all 3 of his kids and the oldest was a girl.  DH was working 12 hour days/7 days a week and oldest SD took over a bunch of items to help out (cooking, getting laundry done, driving the kids to their activities, making sure the other kids got homework done etc..)  This was for about 1 year or so, as BM was living about 3+ hours away (her choice).  Now I did the same with my oldest as well.  It's about asking for help with the other kids.  The difference is that my oldest knew it was only to help me out.  DH's oldest took it to mean that she was an equal to DH, and was to be consulted about everything. 


Before we got married, DH and I discussed how our marriage was going to affect his oldest.  I knew it was going to be a problem as DH had become way way too permissive with the oldest SD and this is turn had created the "dad and me against the world" mentality.  It was a mess.  She never accepted my place in his life and tried to break us up numerous times.  DH understands that HIS actions created the problem, but you can't go back in time and undo everything.  To this day the SD really resents me and it continues to cause friction in his relationship with her. 


Bottom line, kids are kids, not mini adults.  Keep it that way. 


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pepper504
by Platinum Member on Dec. 20, 2012 at 4:48 PM

My DH's ex did that with SS14.  He was 5 when it started.  It is quite interesting to watch how things have unfolded since BM has recoupled/remarried/procreated with her current DH.  SS is no longer the man of the house unless she is using him to get something that she wants.

mamakenzi
by on Dec. 20, 2012 at 4:57 PM
I'm facing this. My fiancé has treated his daughter more like a roommate then a child and now we are having issues with her adjusting to me being in the picture.

Quoting sassy711:

Way too many parents do this.  Dad's will treat the oldest female like the woman of the home, and Mom's will treat the oldest male like the man of the home.  This is a really bad move and has long term consequences.  Kids are kids and shouldn't be involved with or have knowledge of adult matters.  It's too much for them.  It also sets up barricades that are hard to take down when/if the parent re-marries.


This happened wirh DH.  He had custody of all 3 of his kids and the oldest was a girl.  DH was working 12 hour days/7 days a week and oldest SD took over a bunch of items to help out (cooking, getting laundry done, driving the kids to their activities, making sure the other kids got homework done etc..)  This was for about 1 year or so, as BM was living about 3+ hours away (her choice).  Now I did the same with my oldest as well.  It's about asking for help with the other kids.  The difference is that my oldest knew it was only to help me out.  DH's oldest took it to mean that she was an equal to DH, and was to be consulted about everything. 


Before we got married, DH and I discussed how our marriage was going to affect his oldest.  I knew it was going to be a problem as DH had become way way too permissive with the oldest SD and this is turn had created the "dad and me against the world" mentality.  It was a mess.  She never accepted my place in his life and tried to break us up numerous times.  DH understands that HIS actions created the problem, but you can't go back in time and undo everything.  To this day the SD really resents me and it continues to cause friction in his relationship with her. 


Bottom line, kids are kids, not mini adults.  Keep it that way. 

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faerie75
by Ruby Member on Dec. 20, 2012 at 5:34 PM
1 mom liked this

 no. i was a single mom of two boys for 13 years and i wore the pants every single damn day.

Mary762
by on Dec. 21, 2012 at 5:27 AM

I'm not a single mom but my mother was and with my brother she made him man of the house when there was no boyfriend living with her. At first there was no problem but the older he got everybody but my mom noticed there was a major problem!  He would tell her what to do and he brokeup 2 of her marriages by being bossy in the house. Now he's 31 and he can't keep a relationship of his own because he has always got to be in our mothers. its so bad now he has moved her in with him!!

sassy711
by on Dec. 21, 2012 at 2:25 PM


Quoting MakesPrtyBabies:

Sassy, we have the same issue in our home. Any advice from someone who's been there longer?


Quoting sassy711:

Way too many parents do this.  Dad's will treat the oldest female like the woman of the home, and Mom's will treat the oldest male like the man of the home.  This is a really bad move and has long term consequences.  Kids are kids and shouldn't be involved with or have knowledge of adult matters.  It's too much for them.  It also sets up barricades that are hard to take down when/if the parent re-marries.


This happened wirh DH.  He had custody of all 3 of his kids and the oldest was a girl.  DH was working 12 hour days/7 days a week and oldest SD took over a bunch of items to help out (cooking, getting laundry done, driving the kids to their activities, making sure the other kids got homework done etc..)  This was for about 1 year or so, as BM was living about 3+ hours away (her choice).  Now I did the same with my oldest as well.  It's about asking for help with the other kids.  The difference is that my oldest knew it was only to help me out.  DH's oldest took it to mean that she was an equal to DH, and was to be consulted about everything. 


Before we got married, DH and I discussed how our marriage was going to affect his oldest.  I knew it was going to be a problem as DH had become way way too permissive with the oldest SD and this is turn had created the "dad and me against the world" mentality.  It was a mess.  She never accepted my place in his life and tried to break us up numerous times.  DH understands that HIS actions created the problem, but you can't go back in time and undo everything.  To this day the SD really resents me and it continues to cause friction in his relationship with her. 


Bottom line, kids are kids, not mini adults.  Keep it that way. 



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