Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

Why on earth would DH lie about shoes?? - update

Posted by   + Show Post
So back story:





DH has 3 boys. Their mom is an infuriating person. Thinks she is GOD and miss perfect. But he thing is she sends the boys is crappy torn, too small, not weather appropriate clothes. The middle kid is 4 and his shoes had holes and were 2 sizes too small. I had to rip them apart so she couldn't use them anymore. The oldest is 7 and is always wearing pants that are dumpster worthy. The baby is 2 and she sends him in dollar tree long johns and no shoes. DH pays $900 a month in CS so there is no need for them to go wanting. She lives off her parents and pays for no bills so really no excuse but being lazy!

















So around Halloween all of a sudden DH says he talked to her about it and he picks the boys up and bam, they are dressed better...... The baby is wearing converse shoes and torn pjs, yes that's an improvement!











So today I go looking for my wallet in Dh's truck cause I drove it the other day.... Didnt find my wallet, found those fing shoes!!











So I confront him and he says "oh I found the same shoes at goodwill that she had so I got them."





I told him that you can't just go buy size 6 converse Velcro shoes at target. Not the style they were! He is covering for her and I'm not stupid!











He lied to me about it! Not only do we have plenty of clothes and shoes for him but he knows if he wanted so e for his truck he could have just told me!











Update-



Update- we talked and I asked him if he was still sticking to his story that he just so happened to find the exact same pair of shoes at goodwill and after a bit he came clean.

He told me that talking to his ex gives him panic attacks and he told our marriage counselor that and we will be working on it at our next session. He has told me this before so its not new to me and I believe him. She is a pos and treats DH like trash. Even sent me a email in Jan saying that DH was her "property" and she could do what she wanted or say what she wanted to him cause he will always be hers. Ya she said that.



So I guess we will deal with it in counseling
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
by on Dec. 24, 2012 at 2:03 PM
Replies (11-20):
packermomof2
by on Dec. 24, 2012 at 6:22 PM

We don't need to deal with anything, he might.  But he shouldn't have to talk to his ex to appease you.  

I used to send my kids to their father's in play clothes - clothes I wouldn't take them out in.  They had (and have) nice clothes here.  I get CS but I don't get enough to fill a wardrobe at his house and mine.  So I sent clothes that could get dirty or stained and I wouldn't care the jeans had holes in the knees.  I don't know what their SM thought about it and I didn't care.  If he had "talked" to me about it I'd not have changed.  I expected him to purchase clothes for his house and that was what ended up happening.

Just becuase you don't see the good clothes doesn't mean they aren't there.  It might just mean she doesn't trust you or someone in your house not to send the good clothes back in the same condition she sent them in.

PinkButterfly66
by on Dec. 24, 2012 at 6:42 PM
1 mom liked this

I would just resign myself that you will be buying wardrobes for the children for home and when they are with you.  It sucks that their mom is a effing cunt and spends all the money on herself instead of the kids.  But it is what it is.  

Troubleswife
by on Dec. 24, 2012 at 9:12 PM
The exchange happened at a public place and BM used to deliver SS in ripped costumes (hulk, superman, etc.) that were two sizes too small. She never consistently sent clothes. We started buying clothes and keeping clothes in our car. I wouldn't bitch at DH about fixing this. There are ways we can fix it on our end. We just returned him in the same clothes. :)
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
tiffs2009
by on Dec. 25, 2012 at 1:03 AM
We have tons of clothes for them and shoes. It's the fact he lied that bothers me
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Dec. 25, 2012 at 8:52 AM
1 mom liked this

I think you should stop complaining about the clothes and shoes because it is causing stress for your husband, and it will eventually ruin your marriage. Let him deal with the clothes/shoes issue himself. Looks like he found a work-around and you still bitched him out.

Let it go. Your DH solved the problem. Leave it at that.

stepconfused182
by on Dec. 25, 2012 at 12:33 PM
1 mom liked this
Back when my SS's BM was still in the picture, I used to Complain about this kind of stuff to DH. It just put him in am awkward position because all he wanted was what was best for his son, regardless of who else it pleased. A lot of time this made BM happy over me. Not because DH was choosing sides, but because I was being selfish and DH wasn't. Your DH was just trying to keep the peace by doing what he did with the shoes. I wouldn't stay mad about a lie like that. He was trying to keep you happy while not rocking the boat with everyone else. While it's very hard to step back sometimes, it's essential to maintaining a happy home!
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Dec. 25, 2012 at 2:00 PM
1 mom liked this

I think counselling is a good idea, this isn't something your husband should feel he needs to lie about, well he shouldn't be lying to you PERIOD.

faerie75
by Platinum Member on Dec. 25, 2012 at 3:16 PM
1 mom liked this
I think maybe stop complaining about BM to him. It's obvious why she's doing and all the complaining makes him uncomfty. Def address the lying In counseling though.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
shanlee42
by Silver Member on Dec. 25, 2012 at 7:13 PM
1 mom liked this
Wow. This is a really messed up thing to say about anyone given the fact we are only getting one side of the story.



Quoting PinkButterfly66:

I would just resign myself that you will be buying wardrobes for the children for home and when they are with you.  It sucks that their mom is a effing cunt and spends all the money on herself instead of the kids.  But it is what it is.  

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Katalystic
by on Dec. 26, 2012 at 11:27 AM
1 mom liked this

I really find it sad that anyone would put nasty clothes on their kids just to send them to the other house... The games some people play are shameful.

OP- trust me, it's going to get worse before it gets better if you keep pushing your DH... I know it isn't intentional, I know you have the best interest of the kids at heart, but you can't do this. You can't fight a battle against BM when DH is resigned to her actions/behaviors (which is what he's saying to you- he has panic attacks because he cannot battle her- and hey, I understand! Our BM gives ME panic attacks because she is nuts too!)

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)