Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

Why Does Common Sense Need to Be Court Ordered?

Posted by   + Show Post

Pretend that both parents are involved and there is joint custody in some form (not necessarily 50/50, but joint legal and both have some custody of some sort).

Why do common sense things, as according to internet boards, need to be CO'd?  Kid is in the ER... don't ned to inform the OP unless it in the order.  Really?  You need a CO to tell you that both parents should be aware that their child is in the ER?

ROFR.. why does it need to be ordered that parents should get time with their kid over a nonparent when a parent is available and wants to spend time with their child?  

Phone Contact -a parent needs a CO to allow them to talk to their children when, if the parents were together, the parents would be talking to their kid everyday?

Physical discipline, not calling nonparents by parental titles, haircuts, showing up to parental things (conferences for one), medical appointments... there have been parents who have successfuly gotten things like this (and other similar things) because one parent (and maybe their spouse) think it doesn't matter what the only other parent things where their own kids are concerned... 

Why not just use common sense and stop acting like a court order is the answer to everything?

On the flip side, so what if the CO doesn't prohibit certain things from being done by the nonparent, the order doesn't say you can either so why act as if the CO not mentioning you means you can do what you like?  (This includes the parents who assume the absence of the SP in the CO means they are free to do certain things that they know can cause problems)

"To educate a man in mind and not in morals is to educate a menace to society." - Theodore Roosevelt
by on Dec. 27, 2012 at 5:54 PM
Replies (11-20):
baparrot2
by Platinum Member on Dec. 27, 2012 at 7:22 PM

 It has nothing to do with "common sense" as you put it. But rather, competition. It all has to do with ill meaning people. It's not really about being a BM or a SM, it always boils down to just being a plain shitty person with bad moral terpitude.

leegirl_jm
by Platinum Member on Dec. 27, 2012 at 7:22 PM
6 moms liked this

Hmmmm.....people make stupid decisions all the time, they do things on emotions, anger, spite, etc. part of the human condition, if you procreated with an idiot, you need a court order to assist in that situation. DH and BM didn't need a court order, DH wasn't fighting BM for anything, he knew he didn't own that child. I wanted a CO for the CS to put BM in her place. It is also common sense to protect yourself where monies are concerned, BM years from now could claim the money DH gave her were gifts and then he could have been court ordered with arrearages.

Wife, Mother and Career Woman living in Jamaica

newwife1
by Silver Member on Dec. 27, 2012 at 7:26 PM
2 moms liked this

Lots of people are morons and lack common sense, even when stuff IS in the CO they think they are above the rules and don't follow it anyway.

One would think BM would notify DH that she switched (or that she even wanted to switch) SS's school, not once but THREE times in one school year, but she didn't. Then demanded he pay half of the tuition when DH had no idea she had even taken him out of public school.

So who knows? People do stupid things all the time and don't think of others.


Steamedpuddle30
by Hi, my name is... on Dec. 27, 2012 at 7:28 PM
For ROFR-let's say skids are able to go with BM this winter break since I'm home and BM is also. Who picks them up? Who drops them back off? Why? When? I'd say BM should since she wants them and vice versa. What if she feels dad should?

It's common sense and sounds stupid but it can get complicated lets say if dad gets off at 3pm and BM has the kids shopping till 5 pm.

Common sense would be a little more lax. I think a CO is good when you don't have to argue you just point to the CO and day "this is what it is".

Idk,consistency is key And both parents involved do the best for the child. Not play games.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Sunivondea
by on Dec. 27, 2012 at 7:30 PM
7 moms liked this
Things like that need to be court ordered in high conflict cases. When one parent purposely leaves the other parent in the dark. Tries to keep the child from the other parent. Or is simply mean and bitter towards the other parents.
We think it's common sense, but really, it's common courtesy. And after a break up, sometimes people loose the ability to be courteous to the other because they are hurt.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
packermomof2
by on Dec. 27, 2012 at 7:49 PM

 

Quoting jessiesluv:

Because not all situations are the same. Children need to be protected when parents cant get along even for the sake of their own child.
Why do you have a court order?

Because my ex's parents didn't like that he had agreed with what was going on - nothing nefarious either.  He got the kids when he wanted, paid no CS at firstactually and then agreed to a small amount about 6 months before taking me to court, and we split holidays right down the middle.

He took me to court for full custody after 2 years of no order.  He demanded his CS be checked because he thought the small amout he was paying on occasion (it was hit and miss and not CO'd, remember) was too much - it went up.  He lost the time we had agreed to.   He had insisted on a custody evaluation and the psych saw right through him..

And so I enforced it for the longest time after that.  He tried to break me financially and was using my kids to hurt me so you bet your bottom dollar that CO was going to be followed to the "T"... no extra time, no breaks on CS (I had it go through the state just to prove the point on that one), ROFR was enforced (he had left the kids with his parents for a week, had them pick them up and drop them off and all I was told was that they were "helping him out" when he was actually out of town for 3 of his visitations - that is why the evaluator had put it in the order)... 

That is why I have an order that isn't being, and hasn't been, followed for a couple of years now... it was a waste of time to get one as my ex proved he wasn't a changed man who was looking out for the kids and is who he always was... it's just easier for him to be him without his parents pushing him to be someone he isn't.

"To educate a man in mind and not in morals is to educate a menace to society." - Theodore Roosevelt
Charli627
by on Dec. 27, 2012 at 7:51 PM
1 mom liked this
This
Bm tells dh nothing, so he has to find out everything on his own or through the kids, so bm is the one not using "common sense" to let him know.
Bm has and still does at times lie to dh about the kids being "busy" so he will end up going a week or so without hearing from the kids, where is bm "common sense"
It is fine for a sf to watch skids or even bm parents instead of bf, but all hell breaks lose when sm watches kids. How is that fair?
Some people do things completely out of spite so yes a court order is sometimes needed.


Quoting Sunivondea:

Things like that need to be court ordered in high conflict cases. When one parent purposely leaves the other parent in the dark. Tries to keep the child from the other parent. Or is simply mean and bitter towards the other parents.

We think it's common sense, but really, it's common courtesy. And after a break up, sometimes people loose the ability to be courteous to the other because they are hurt.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Steamedpuddle30
by Hi, my name is... on Dec. 27, 2012 at 7:54 PM
Did you guys live in the same town? That ROFR would upset me if I wasn't told they would be at their grandparents and dad is gone. It depends,if grandparents were decent,I wouldn't care. But in your case I'd want ROFR.

Do the kids grandparents(dads)see them anymore now that dad doesn't?


Quoting packermomof2:

 


Quoting jessiesluv:

Because not all situations are the same. Children need to be protected when parents cant get along even for the sake of their own child.

Why do you have a court order?

Because my ex's parents didn't like that he had agreed with what was going on - nothing nefarious either.  He got the kids when he wanted, paid no CS at firstactually and then agreed to a small amount about 6 months before taking me to court, and we split holidays right down the middle.

He took me to court for full custody after 2 years of no order.  He demanded his CS be checked because he thought the small amout he was paying on occasion (it was hit and miss and not CO'd, remember) was too much - it went up.  He lost the time we had agreed to.   He had insisted on a custody evaluation and the psych saw right through him..

And so I enforced it for the longest time after that.  He tried to break me financially and was using my kids to hurt me so you bet your bottom dollar that CO was going to be followed to the "T"... no extra time, no breaks on CS (I had it go through the state just to prove the point on that one), ROFR was enforced (he had left the kids with his parents for a week, had them pick them up and drop them off and all I was told was that they were "helping him out" when he was actually out of town for 3 of his visitations - that is why the evaluator had put it in the order)... 

That is why I have an order that isn't being, and hasn't been, followed for a couple of years now... it was a waste of time to get one as my ex proved he wasn't a changed man who was looking out for the kids and is who he always was... it's just easier for him to be him without his parents pushing him to be someone he isn't.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
jessiesluv
by on Dec. 27, 2012 at 7:55 PM
1 mom liked this
Then I think you have answered your own question. Not to mention, don't you have something about sm too in one of them?

Quoting packermomof2:

 


Quoting jessiesluv:

Because not all situations are the same. Children need to be protected when parents cant get along even for the sake of their own child.

Why do you have a court order?

Because my ex's parents didn't like that he had agreed with what was going on - nothing nefarious either.  He got the kids when he wanted, paid no CS at firstactually and then agreed to a small amount about 6 months before taking me to court, and we split holidays right down the middle.

He took me to court for full custody after 2 years of no order.  He demanded his CS be checked because he thought the small amout he was paying on occasion (it was hit and miss and not CO'd, remember) was too much - it went up.  He lost the time we had agreed to.   He had insisted on a custody evaluation and the psych saw right through him..

And so I enforced it for the longest time after that.  He tried to break me financially and was using my kids to hurt me so you bet your bottom dollar that CO was going to be followed to the "T"... no extra time, no breaks on CS (I had it go through the state just to prove the point on that one), ROFR was enforced (he had left the kids with his parents for a week, had them pick them up and drop them off and all I was told was that they were "helping him out" when he was actually out of town for 3 of his visitations - that is why the evaluator had put it in the order)... 

That is why I have an order that isn't being, and hasn't been, followed for a couple of years now... it was a waste of time to get one as my ex proved he wasn't a changed man who was looking out for the kids and is who he always was... it's just easier for him to be him without his parents pushing him to be someone he isn't.

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
packermomof2
by on Dec. 27, 2012 at 7:56 PM


Quoting Steamedpuddle30:
It isn't common sense to just hand out trust willy nilly, especially where your kids are concerned.  So it wouldn't matter who he was with, they wouldn't be given trust or like at first. It wouldn't have anything to do with the ex's ex wife for me (the kids it probably would), but I don't just trust people with my children.  They have to earn it.  I don't just like people either  - It isn't that I don't like people, I just don't go around liking people because they might be nice.  
 
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)