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Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

Why Does Common Sense Need to Be Court Ordered?

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Pretend that both parents are involved and there is joint custody in some form (not necessarily 50/50, but joint legal and both have some custody of some sort).

Why do common sense things, as according to internet boards, need to be CO'd?  Kid is in the ER... don't ned to inform the OP unless it in the order.  Really?  You need a CO to tell you that both parents should be aware that their child is in the ER?

ROFR.. why does it need to be ordered that parents should get time with their kid over a nonparent when a parent is available and wants to spend time with their child?  

Phone Contact -a parent needs a CO to allow them to talk to their children when, if the parents were together, the parents would be talking to their kid everyday?

Physical discipline, not calling nonparents by parental titles, haircuts, showing up to parental things (conferences for one), medical appointments... there have been parents who have successfuly gotten things like this (and other similar things) because one parent (and maybe their spouse) think it doesn't matter what the only other parent things where their own kids are concerned... 

Why not just use common sense and stop acting like a court order is the answer to everything?

On the flip side, so what if the CO doesn't prohibit certain things from being done by the nonparent, the order doesn't say you can either so why act as if the CO not mentioning you means you can do what you like?  (This includes the parents who assume the absence of the SP in the CO means they are free to do certain things that they know can cause problems)

"To educate a man in mind and not in morals is to educate a menace to society." - Theodore Roosevelt
by on Dec. 27, 2012 at 5:54 PM
Replies (201-210):
honey27
by on Dec. 30, 2012 at 4:33 PM

not everybody has the same common sense so thats why court orders are used plus they help when you dont get along with the other parent.

Oceana09
by on Dec. 30, 2012 at 4:34 PM
I hve gotten after her so many times its ridiculous and it works, at least until she talks to her dad and he decideds to remind her that she doesn't have to listen to me df. Its been an ongoing battle that I have a feeling will have to be bought up in court when we get there.

Quoting Mommy4two:

When it comes to my ex I honestly don't tell him jack crap... he's a deadbeat dad and a pain in my ass... Our daughter had surgery and had it not been for my attorney pressing me "he's also a friend of mine" I wouldn't have even told him about that bc shocker he NEVER once called to check on her or make sure she was okay... Our daughter has a genetic disorder which is VERY rare and gains weight extremely easily and he will feed her til she hurls... I'm actually living in SD I moved from FL to get the heck away from him and his controlling nature... We've been gone for a month now and he has not once called to speak with the children or return calls, Christmas came and went and he didn't even call them let alone get them anything... plus out of 3 years of being separated he has barely ever made it a priority to see them.... I have NO respect for him and I don't care how harsh that sounds... You want the right to make choices for MY children then act like their parent...

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Oceana09
by on Dec. 30, 2012 at 4:36 PM
Nope. Just df because he feels that if he disiplines her then he must be trying to replace him as dd's father. Its been an uphill battle.

Quoting 3greatkids751:

Many many ppl lack common sense so of course it would have to be court ordered when it comes to raising a child... ;)
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faerie75
by Platinum Member on Dec. 30, 2012 at 4:45 PM
1 mom liked this
I would tell my 4 year old that in my home I make the rules not daddy and she has to listen to what any adult In charge of her says ( I would handle discipline, however she needs to mind) and if she pulled that crap w adults in charge of her I'd paddle her little ass.

Quoting Oceana09:

DF and I are going through hell right now because my Ex has told DD not to listen to my fiance. He has also told my fiance that he is not to discipline her or reprimand her in any way, shape, or form. My fiance, in trying to keep peace, has done what my ex has asked. And as for my 4 year old? Well she knows damn good and well  what her dad told her so she seems to think that she can do whatever she wants to my fiance and she knows HE won't do anything about it so it seems like when I'm not in earshot or in sight she takes advantage of this and goes hellian child on him. Unfortunately it's something that needs to be addressed by myself, my fiance, and my ex but I haven't been able to get my ex to bend on his stance.

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reindeergames
by on Dec. 30, 2012 at 5:02 PM

It depends upon the parents, court orders are there to protect the children. I have one for my daughter there is a reason for it. In that order the judge placed my ex in charge of her health insurance, gave me the authority to choose her school, wrote my ex has her from friday pm to sunday (we dont follow that schedule though), I am to get a certain amount in childsupport, my ex is to pay for childcare while I am at work he pays 76% of it, my ex has to pay for half of ballet classes plus any other activties but other activties are to be choosen upon ballet is court ordered because its expensive & I had the judge write that one in. 

Reason I had the judge write in ballet is because my ex can't be counted on. For example I threw her birthday party this year (first year split) his family came he was invitied, they all ate the food as well etc I sprung $200 on teh party plus I bought her gifts, he didn't help me with it, never offered etc. One would think he would have at least offered correct? So he can't be counted on at all times therefore sometimes court orders need to be in place period. 

3greatkids751
by on Dec. 30, 2012 at 11:11 PM
Oh I know how u feel. I have issues with my dd's father. If killing someone were legal his ass would be the first to go! *giggle*

Quoting Oceana09:

Nope. Just df because he feels that if he disiplines her then he must be trying to replace him as dd's father. Its been an uphill battle.



Quoting 3greatkids751:

Many many ppl lack common sense so of course it would have to be court ordered when it comes to raising a child... ;)
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disneyrose
by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 3:05 AM

I think because so many people do not have "common Sense" I had to put in the parenting plan with my ex that he had to provide food or money for food.

 I think my current DH should have put in his parenting plan with his previous wife that the children should not be allowed to do drugs, it was not in there and so when SS started doing drugs my DH could not send his DS to rehab without his ex's consent and she was fine with their son doing drugs just as long as he did them in her home.  So nothing could be done, but SS was not allowed to do drugs in our home

MzMaDeA
by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 12:07 PM

Common sense seems to disappear when it should be logical.  In the case of kid being taken to ER some BMs won't notify BDs because BD is otherwise not involved in kid's life or may be slightly (?) behind in CS payments.  In other cases, it may be just that BM is hostile towards D and blames him solely for the ending of their relationship so BM refuses to notify of anything that is going with the K.  It seems so simple to handle these situations as adults but stupidity overrides simplicity and common sense disappears.  If common sense would pervail all involved would forget personal issues and elect to consider the K's needs above all else.

Oceana09
by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 3:02 PM

I was on my mobile and accidently quoted the wrong person lol. At least my response made sense with yours though lol.


Quoting 3greatkids751:

Oh I know how u feel. I have issues with my dd's father. If killing someone were legal his ass would be the first to go! *giggle*

Quoting Oceana09:

Nope. Just df because he feels that if he disiplines her then he must be trying to replace him as dd's father. Its been an uphill battle.



Quoting 3greatkids751:

Many many ppl lack common sense so of course it would have to be court ordered when it comes to raising a child... ;)


mcknitro
by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 5:26 PM

Basically because what is common sense for one parent may not be for the other.  My ex and I have argued for things that he thought were big deals and I saw otherwise.  Sometimes I think he just makes things up because he comes up with the craziest stupid fears and worries.  I do my research and can never find anything to back up his argument so I brush him off.  Other times I inform him of things and he doesnt listen and then acts like I never told him like when we switched daycare providers. I told him every month for about 3 months and then he acts like I didnt involve him when I made a decision.  How long am I supposed to wait for his opinion?  Or when we argue about what school our DD will go to his arguments where about her going to the same school as her half sister and then in the end he says he just wants her to go to a good school.  Well my entire arguement was about the quality of schools and how the 2 schools in discussion were the same.  Where in his argument did the quality of school ever come in? Yet in the end he comes up with that conclusion.  Sometimes court orders are necessary cause on parent can be completely on the phsycho side of things.

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