Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Why Does Common Sense Need to Be Court Ordered?

Posted by   + Show Post

Pretend that both parents are involved and there is joint custody in some form (not necessarily 50/50, but joint legal and both have some custody of some sort).

Why do common sense things, as according to internet boards, need to be CO'd?  Kid is in the ER... don't ned to inform the OP unless it in the order.  Really?  You need a CO to tell you that both parents should be aware that their child is in the ER?

ROFR.. why does it need to be ordered that parents should get time with their kid over a nonparent when a parent is available and wants to spend time with their child?  

Phone Contact -a parent needs a CO to allow them to talk to their children when, if the parents were together, the parents would be talking to their kid everyday?

Physical discipline, not calling nonparents by parental titles, haircuts, showing up to parental things (conferences for one), medical appointments... there have been parents who have successfuly gotten things like this (and other similar things) because one parent (and maybe their spouse) think it doesn't matter what the only other parent things where their own kids are concerned... 

Why not just use common sense and stop acting like a court order is the answer to everything?

On the flip side, so what if the CO doesn't prohibit certain things from being done by the nonparent, the order doesn't say you can either so why act as if the CO not mentioning you means you can do what you like?  (This includes the parents who assume the absence of the SP in the CO means they are free to do certain things that they know can cause problems)

"To educate a man in mind and not in morals is to educate a menace to society." - Theodore Roosevelt
by on Dec. 27, 2012 at 5:54 PM
Replies (41-50):
LittleChitlins3
by on Dec. 27, 2012 at 10:16 PM
This is what I say too & I have noticed common sense or logic is not something many people have.


Quoting rebeccasmly:

In the situation you describe, I absolutely agree. In an ideal blended family situation, both BPs would handle things like mature adults and look for the child's best interest and not have a judge tell them what is best.  Unfortunately in many cases one or both of the parents do not place the child first.


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Steamedpuddle30
by Hi, my name is... on Dec. 28, 2012 at 12:30 AM
I agree with the trusting. While your stitch was different along w some others I've heard(sm is abusive). My Dh works with prisoners and alot of them did crimes against family members. So I get to always watch out for your kids. It's #1.

Ill never get how some people I know date different guys all the time and introduce them to their kids.


Quoting packermomof2:



Quoting Steamedpuddle30:
It isn't common sense to just hand out trust willy nilly, especially where your kids are concerned.  So it wouldn't matter who he was with, they wouldn't be given trust or like at first. It wouldn't have anything to do with the ex's ex wife for me (the kids it probably would), but I don't just trust people with my children.  They have to earn it.  I don't just like people either  - It isn't that I don't like people, I just don't go around liking people because they might be nice.  
 
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Steamedpuddle30
by Hi, my name is... on Dec. 28, 2012 at 12:48 AM
I kind of get this. I mean my Dh isn't going back to court even if BM has broken the CO numerous times. It's a great guideline and good if its been a pattern (BP refuses to let kid see OP) and you need to use it in court but honestly it's been broken so many times. BM (used to)moves and never tells Dh where. Didn't pay half of things. Ect..

So sometimes it does feel like what's the point.


Quoting ladyk86:

bc some parents refuse to leave the kid with the other parent when they want to go out and just lie about going out...so IMO even if ROFR was in paper work..that parent that likes to go out would still lie about going out so whats the use?

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Polkadotted
by Gold Member on Dec. 28, 2012 at 2:02 AM
1 mom liked this
I don't expect common sense from people anymore. I just get disappointed.

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
packermomof2
by on Dec. 28, 2012 at 2:29 AM


Quoting Polkadotted:

I don't expect common sense from people anymore. I just get disappointed.

I think that is where I am headed right now. 

I suppse that when people spout the kid has two parents and they need to talk and make decisions together!!!! (when the OP isn't doing what the poster thinks they should be) and then turns around and says but it's dad's time (or mom's, insert gender of your choice here) so they can do what they want that I should have doubted most people have common sense.

"To educate a man in mind and not in morals is to educate a menace to society." - Theodore Roosevelt
Polkadotted
by Gold Member on Dec. 28, 2012 at 10:19 AM
I really think one of the main problems is that people get stuck on that "we can do what ever we want" thing. The problem is that they think they should be able to do that without consequences. That just doesn't happen though. There will always be consequences for everything we do. Sometimes they are good sometimes they aren't worth it. I get so annoyed when I see posts like we did XYZ because we can do what ever we want then the poster is surprised when someone (BM etc) gets pissed because they did XYZ. Everything you do with a kid has the potential to make a reaction in a parent.

But the back and forth fighting is more about people wanting to win or get their way. There is no thought to what that really means- which really is that the kids lose. Because even though you might think it's the OP that is losing it's the kids who lose in the nasty or petty fighting. That's why we need the picky COs.


Quoting packermomof2:



Quoting Polkadotted:

I don't expect common sense from people anymore. I just get disappointed.



I think that is where I am headed right now. 

I suppse that when people spout the kid has two parents and they need to talk and make decisions together!!!! (when the OP isn't doing what the poster thinks they should be) and then turns around and says but it's dad's time (or mom's, insert gender of your choice here) so they can do what they want that I should have doubted most people have common sense.

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
MomGoingCrazy78
by Lindy Lou on Dec. 28, 2012 at 10:21 AM

One would think that common sense would prevail.... but with BM in our sitch it doesn't. She only did what she wanted to do at the time, didn't want to include DH in anything when it came to SD, so DH had to take measures to make sure that he was involved as much as he could be. That is why their CO is about 15 pages long. It's stupid some of the stuff that had to be put in it, like BM has to communicate with DH every Monday because she had refused to discuss SD with him in the past. Things like that. My ex and I have a very vague CO, but it works for us because we both use common sense, doesn't mean he's that active in their lives, but we let each other know what's going on when it comes to our kids.

Personally, I think some parents are doing things out of spite for the other parent. It's sad, but that's reality to a lot of people.

loving2live
by on Dec. 28, 2012 at 10:37 AM
1 mom liked this
Until DH got went back to court for the specifics, BM didn't have any common sense about what "joint custody" meant. So sometimes a CO with common sense just protects a parent from the other's stupidity, and makes sure both parties are on the same page.

And there are some things (like a midnight notification of an ER visit for something minor) that have fuzzy lines -- a CO can clearly define everyone's duties to eliminate some of those arguments.

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
chanizen
by Platinum Member on Dec. 28, 2012 at 10:41 AM
Because some people can't help but act like idiots. And that seems pretty role independent bfs do it, BM's do it, SMS do it and so do sfs.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
sleeblended
by on Dec. 28, 2012 at 11:50 AM

Common sense is out the window...and putting something in the CO doesn't mean it's getting enforced.  Example, before DH got custody, his ex would constantly bash and harass him, even in the papers it says she can't.  SD never came to visit when she was supposed to, it stated neither could modify the body/hair (she took her to get navel/nose pierced, hair dyed).  It said she wasn't supposed to have members of opposite sex spend the night, she let SD have boys spend the night.  We went to the lawyer, he said, 'her word against yours, and the other stuff is just trivial.  Just let it go.'

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)



Featured