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Teacher Crossing the Line

Posted by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 10:23 AM
  • 59 Replies
1 mom liked this
Last school year 11-12 my stepson was 4, and in pre-k. I was a SAHM to him and his sister (8 now) until he started school.

Anyway my DS (yes, I used DS instead of SS) always called me Momma/Name interchangeably. But mostly he'd say Name if he was talking about me to someone else. If he was talking directly to me, or if I was standing right there he'd say Momma.

This was his choice, and I frequently reminded him that he already has a Mommy, but he still said Momma. He liked it.

Anyway so his pre-k teacher took it upon herself to try to make him closer to BioMom and push him away from me. When he called me momma shed correct him, or sometimes even punish him.

BioMom and I look nothing alike. One with long brown hair, the other with short blond. When DS would draw pictures of him and me and say they were for me because he loved me she would say "no, you love your mommy, this is for her" and never give it to me. She'd send it home to Mom's.

DS even sat me down one day and asked me why his teacher didnt like me. What was I to say?

Anyway DH put her in her place a few times, telling her it wasn't for her to decide how DS felt about me. But we had problems all year.

This year I get along great with both teachers. I've always done well with DD's teachers. (Yes she's a step too). So this year has been better.

The funny thing? I'm now the coach on her 11 yo DD's basketball team! But, I have a lot more respect than she does, and I actually get along great with her DD and things between me and her are much better this year.

We even had the following talk the other day.

Skanky Teacher- Boy little DS sites does love you, doesn't he?

Me- Yeah, I'm so blessed to have him and DD both. They're my world.

ST- But really, I've never seen him light up like he does around you. You've got something special with him.

Me- He's my baby.

ST- I never realized how much you do for both of them, and how happy he is with you. To be honest I've never seen him like that with BioMom.

Me- yeah, it hurts me to see the relationship he has with her. I wish things were better for them, I know it can't be easy for her. Anyway, their relationship isn't our business. I just do my best to make both kids as happy and healthy as I can.

------

Man I can't wait until this woman is out of my life!
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by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 10:23 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Derdriu
by Gold Member on Dec. 31, 2012 at 10:33 AM

Maybe she's a BM whose experience is limited to an overstepping SM?  Or maybe she once had an SM that pushed the mommy thing on her?  Or maybe BM read her the riot act about being mom and led her to believe you were an interference?

Who knows why people do/say the things they do.  If the quoted conversation is accurate, however, it sounds like she may have been attempting to apologise for her previous behavior.  Obviously seeing you in a more casual setting interacting with your SKs paints a better picture than the occasional encounter in a classroom setting.

kappalopokis
by Member on Dec. 31, 2012 at 10:39 AM
1 mom liked this
It doesn't make it her place to teach my stepson not to like me.

My relationship with my kids, step bio adopted foster whatever is between me, them, and my husband. Not some teacher!


Quoting Derdriu:

Maybe she's a BM whose experience is limited to an overstepping SM?  Or maybe she once had an SM that pushed the mommy thing on her?  Or maybe BM read her the riot act about being mom and led her to believe you were an interference?


Who knows why people do/say the things they do.  If the quoted conversation is accurate, however, it sounds like she may have been attempting to apologise for her previous behavior.  Obviously seeing you in a more casual setting interacting with your SKs paints a better picture than the occasional encounter in a classroom setting.


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DDDaysh
by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 10:49 AM

 Except that in Pre-K, it is a teacher's job to help students learn appropriate names for people and places.  If Mom is active in his life, I can understand why a pre-K teacher would seem to be "involved". 

If you're takinig a 4-year-olds word on what happened in class, you're probably not getting the whole story and your view of what happened is probably colored by your own resentments and insecurities as well. 

Quoting kappalopokis:

It doesn't make it her place to teach my stepson not to like me.

My relationship with my kids, step bio adopted foster whatever is between me, them, and my husband. Not some teacher!


Quoting Derdriu:

Maybe she's a BM whose experience is limited to an overstepping SM?  Or maybe she once had an SM that pushed the mommy thing on her?  Or maybe BM read her the riot act about being mom and led her to believe you were an interference?


Who knows why people do/say the things they do.  If the quoted conversation is accurate, however, it sounds like she may have been attempting to apologise for her previous behavior.  Obviously seeing you in a more casual setting interacting with your SKs paints a better picture than the occasional encounter in a classroom setting.


 

kappalopokis
by Member on Dec. 31, 2012 at 10:55 AM
Yeah but I volunteered in class enough to see that he made things for me and DH also. We have none of it.

I have nothing he made last year at all.


Quoting DDDaysh:

 Except that in Pre-K, it is a teacher's job to help students learn appropriate names for people and places.  If Mom is active in his life, I can understand why a pre-K teacher would seem to be "involved". 


If you're takinig a 4-year-olds word on what happened in class, you're probably not getting the whole story and your view of what happened is probably colored by your own resentments and insecurities as well. 


Quoting kappalopokis:

It doesn't make it her place to teach my stepson not to like me.

My relationship with my kids, step bio adopted foster whatever is between me, them, and my husband. Not some teacher!



Quoting Derdriu:


Maybe she's a BM whose experience is limited to an overstepping SM?  Or maybe she once had an SM that pushed the mommy thing on her?  Or maybe BM read her the riot act about being mom and led her to believe you were an interference?



Who knows why people do/say the things they do.  If the quoted conversation is accurate, however, it sounds like she may have been attempting to apologise for her previous behavior.  Obviously seeing you in a more casual setting interacting with your SKs paints a better picture than the occasional encounter in a classroom setting.



 


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soonergirl980
by Gold Member on Dec. 31, 2012 at 10:58 AM
2 moms liked this

She over stepped, you over stepped, it's an over stepping party.

Derdriu
by Gold Member on Dec. 31, 2012 at 10:58 AM

You're correct; it isn't her place.  Bear in mind that teachers are mere humans.  I find it's easier to accept, ignore, and move on when I have some inkling of a person's motivation... even if my eventual conclusion and excuse for that person's behavior is that they're simply nuts.

DDDaysh
by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 10:59 AM

 So you're upset over not getting things he made in preschool?  Did he never make anything at your home? 

I think the only things I have that DS made in preschool are Mother's Day crafts.  If he made one of those, it would be appropriate to give to his actual mother.  Did he make a Father's Day craft or was school out by then? 

Quoting kappalopokis:

Yeah but I volunteered in class enough to see that he made things for me and DH also. We have none of it.

I have nothing he made last year at all.



 


 

kappalopokis
by Member on Dec. 31, 2012 at 11:02 AM
I am open to understanding how I overstepped. If I did anything that BioMom or DH is uncomfortable with, I'd like to know. I'd like to apologize for it.


Quoting soonergirl980:

She over stepped, you over stepped, it's an over stepping party.


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kappalopokis
by Member on Dec. 31, 2012 at 11:04 AM
No I'm not, it was an example.

I guess I'm having trouble articulating my problem.

Teacher tried to teach my stepson it wasn't okay to love me.


Quoting DDDaysh:

 So you're upset over not getting things he made in preschool?  Did he never make anything at your home? 


I think the only things I have that DS made in preschool are Mother's Day crafts.  If he made one of those, it would be appropriate to give to his actual mother.  Did he make a Father's Day craft or was school out by then? 


Quoting kappalopokis:

Yeah but I volunteered in class enough to see that he made things for me and DH also. We have none of it.

I have nothing he made last year at all.





 



 


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soonergirl980
by Gold Member on Dec. 31, 2012 at 11:06 AM

You overstepped by allowing a 4 year old to call you something that you are not.

Quoting kappalopokis:

I am open to understanding how I overstepped. If I did anything that BioMom or DH is uncomfortable with, I'd like to know. I'd like to apologize for it.


Quoting soonergirl980:

She over stepped, you over stepped, it's an over stepping party.



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