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What should I expect at our adoption pretrial? **edit**UPDATE**

Posted by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 11:03 AM
  • 14 Replies

Sorry if I'm posting this twice. I typed it all up and hit submit but then it went poof. idk what happened. Let me know if you see another one from me like this so I can delete one. lol.

The pretrial for the step parent adoption of my soon to be ds is in about a week. ds will not be going. Attorney said there is no reason for him to go.

Background: bm still has parental rights. We have requested that they be terminated (obviously) as a part of the adoption. ds has not seen bm in almost 2/12 yrs. She didn't text/call him on Christmas like she has done for the past couple of years. (we were advised a long time ago by his counselor to not relay any messages from bm to ds anyway so he didn't notice) Bm did not reply to our request for mediation as required by the court to be completed within 7 days of the pre trial. The request (sent return receipt/ signature required) sent to her last known address (she provided for the court a couple of months ago) was not picked up within 15 days of delivery so it was returned to our attorney's office. She has only spoken to ds's amicus attorney a couple of times (once by phone, once by email) and was advised by the attorney to get an attorney if she didn't want her rights to be removed. She said she didn't have the money to do that or a car to get there (She is a bartender and could probably get approved for a court appointed attorney if she would request one but she has not done that)

So I have no clue what to expect from this pretrial and with the holidays I have not been able to get a hold of our attorney. Any advice would be greatly appreciated until I can get help from the professional lol.

** HAS ANYONE ELSE EVER BEEN TO/ KNOWS SOMEONE WHO HAS GONE THROUGH A PRETRIAL? I'D REALLY LIKE TO KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT. **

UPDATE* Before we got to trial we got bm to agree to sign a parental relenquishmet form which made the adoption officially uncontested. When we got to the court house the judge asked us if we were ready to proceed right then and there. Our pretrial turned into our final court date!! The parental termination of bm was granted and the adoption was finalized!! We were all (the attorney included) very surprised!

I'm a spanking, pro choice, country living, stay at home, Christian, private schooling, Texan mommy of one boy and two girls.

by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 11:03 AM
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Replies (1-10):
DDDaysh
by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 11:11 AM

 Was she served the papers about the hearing?  If so, and she has not made any attempt to contact in however many months your state requires (including paying CS), then it'll probably go smoothly. 

However, most judges are reluctant to terminate rights of anyone in general.  My ex could not be located to be served papers, and the judge denied our request because she said termination of rights was too serious to use an alternative service method. 

SassyMom25
by Gold Member on Dec. 31, 2012 at 11:34 AM
No advice, but good luck. We are also on the waiting train for my ex to sign away his rights to ODD7. Hoping I get a letter soon from my attorney. Ex wanted a condition added that I couldn't ever come back on him for CS. Irritates me that all he is concerned with is money.
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EmBoogRaysMommy
by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 11:47 AM

She was served paperwork and has done nothing. She is acting like nothing has ever happened and carying on with her life as if he never existed. Since CS was ordered 7 yrs ago she has paid 1 1/2 payments. Ds has been seeing a counselor who has been involved with this custody legal stuff a lot. She did her best to get bm to be a good mom but you can't force someone to do the right thing. She is now 100% pro termination/adoption and she will be giving her letter of recomendation to the court and will testify if she needs to. I am hoping that bm's lack of involvement and the counselor's recomendation along with the many CPS reports will be enough.

Quoting DDDaysh:

 Was she served the papers about the hearing?  If so, and she has not made any attempt to contact in however many months your state requires (including paying CS), then it'll probably go smoothly. 

However, most judges are reluctant to terminate rights of anyone in general.  My ex could not be located to be served papers, and the judge denied our request because she said termination of rights was too serious to use an alternative service method. 


DDDaysh
by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 11:51 AM

 If she was served and all conditions for termination are met, I doubt you'll have a problem.

My problem is just that I can't serve my ex.  It's a huge catch22.  I want the termination to protect DS because if something happened to me I don't want him going to a stranger who doesn't even bother to mail him a birthday card (or call, or, you know, anything).  I can't do it though, because he's such a stranger that I don't have any way of serving him, and termination is so "serious" that the stupid judge here wouldn't allow the usual alternative service methods like publication.  

The only good thing is that since he's making himself difficult to find, if something did happen to me, it would probably be hard to locate him to notify him so a judge is quite likely to sign emergency custody over to someone DS actually does know.  And once they have emergency custody, they have a very strong case for keeping the status quo.   

Quoting EmBoogRaysMommy:

She was served paperwork and has done nothing. She is acting like nothing has ever happened and carying on with her life as if he never existed. Since CS was ordered 7 yrs ago she has paid 1 1/2 payments. Ds has been seeing a counselor who has been involved with this custody legal stuff a lot. She did her best to get bm to be a good mom but you can't force someone to do the right thing. She is now 100% pro termination/adoption and she will be giving her letter of recomendation to the court and will testify if she needs to. I am hoping that bm's lack of involvement and the counselor's recomendation along with the many CPS reports will be enough.

Quoting DDDaysh:

 Was she served the papers about the hearing?  If so, and she has not made any attempt to contact in however many months your state requires (including paying CS), then it'll probably go smoothly. 

However, most judges are reluctant to terminate rights of anyone in general.  My ex could not be located to be served papers, and the judge denied our request because she said termination of rights was too serious to use an alternative service method. 

 

 

momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Dec. 31, 2012 at 11:51 AM
I don't know. We didn't have a pre trial that I attended for our adoption. We only showed up at the final hearing where the adoption took place.

Have you done a social study yet? I believe that there was a hearing when we first petitioned the court and that is when the social study was ordered and the judge looked over all the documents to make sure everything was in order. But we were not present for that hearing. Only my attorney.
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EmBoogRaysMommy
by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 11:55 AM

yes. We have had two home studies and have met with ds's attorney on a more social level so that ds would feel more comfortable than being quized on the couch.

Quoting momof2ex1:

I don't know. We didn't have a pre trial that I attended for our adoption. We only showed up at the final hearing where the adoption took place.

Have you done a social study yet? I believe that there was a hearing when we first petitioned the court and that is when the social study was ordered and the judge looked over all the documents to make sure everything was in order. But we were not present for that hearing. Only my attorney.


rebeccasmly
by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 11:57 AM
1 mom liked this
I have no experience with this but wanted to say good luck!
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EmBoogRaysMommy
by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 11:57 AM

This is the exact reason that I am trying to adopt him. If anything happened to dh I don't want him going to live with her. She is obviously not capable of raising him.

Quoting DDDaysh:

 If she was served and all conditions for termination are met, I doubt you'll have a problem.

My problem is just that I can't serve my ex.  It's a huge catch22.  I want the termination to protect DS because if something happened to me I don't want him going to a stranger who doesn't even bother to mail him a birthday card (or call, or, you know, anything).  I can't do it though, because he's such a stranger that I don't have any way of serving him, and termination is so "serious" that the stupid judge here wouldn't allow the usual alternative service methods like publication.  

The only good thing is that since he's making himself difficult to find, if something did happen to me, it would probably be hard to locate him to notify him so a judge is quite likely to sign emergency custody over to someone DS actually does know.  And once they have emergency custody, they have a very strong case for keeping the status quo.   

Quoting EmBoogRaysMommy:

She was served paperwork and has done nothing. She is acting like nothing has ever happened and carying on with her life as if he never existed. Since CS was ordered 7 yrs ago she has paid 1 1/2 payments. Ds has been seeing a counselor who has been involved with this custody legal stuff a lot. She did her best to get bm to be a good mom but you can't force someone to do the right thing. She is now 100% pro termination/adoption and she will be giving her letter of recomendation to the court and will testify if she needs to. I am hoping that bm's lack of involvement and the counselor's recomendation along with the many CPS reports will be enough.

Quoting DDDaysh:

 Was she served the papers about the hearing?  If so, and she has not made any attempt to contact in however many months your state requires (including paying CS), then it'll probably go smoothly. 

However, most judges are reluctant to terminate rights of anyone in general.  My ex could not be located to be served papers, and the judge denied our request because she said termination of rights was too serious to use an alternative service method. 

 

 


EmBoogRaysMommy
by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 12:10 PM

BUMP!

skybluchick
by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 12:14 PM

not sure what state ur in but i know in my home state if the parent(s) done have any thing to do with the child after 6 months and they dont respond to the served papers they will then put in the news paper and wait a month to see if any one will try to step up and stop the termination if no one then steps in trying to stop it they will go forth and let them be adopted by the bio parents spouce....for ex my aunt had been with her dh for a while and my cousin only knew her dh as dad and didnt know his bd my aunt and her dh filed for adoption for her dh to adopt and after 8 months of starting it all my cousin was adopted by my aunts dh do to the fact the father didnt respond to the served papers and no one stepped in to stop the adoption after it was posted in the newspaper.....any ways best of wish's for you and ur family

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