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open stepparent adoption update please all read.

Posted by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 9:35 PM
  • 23 Replies
I just want to know everyone's feels on it because since we had ours done my ex and his family for the most partare MIA. Its been 7m now and all we got as far as contact was a Christmas card from my ex grandma for sd with $20 in it. my ex even made it very clear that hed only approve of the adoption if it was open and if my daughters half sister could continue to build a relationship with her. I wrote an update email to his family via Facebook and sent him the same email Sunday night. No responce so far.It makes me sad bbecause my daughter asked me all break if shed see her sister or talk to her over Christmas. Why push that relationship on two 9 yr old girls and then not continue to encourage it a yr later? Do u think open stepparent adoptions work? Do the bio parents ever follow through with the open part?



Update: I know my exs mom and grandma have seen the email which was really nice it updated them in sd life and contact info. I wanted to start the new year with answers of if they were to be a part of her life. Neither has replied to I knows they saw it because fb tells me they have. I guess this just isn't the answer I wanted. I am trying to be patient and hope they are just busy I'm trying to find a way to make sure my ex has read it as well. Dd has a fb because she likes the games ob it. I'm thinking about deleting them from her fb because thet dont deserve to see her grow up without having contact with her after posting on this site one of the moms unitentinally taught me that by allowing them too know about dd and see pics of her grow but not interact with her makes my dd seam like a zoo animal. She's a human and has feelings so doesn't deserve ppl saying o ashes getting big but I don't think ill ever even try to see her for real.
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by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 9:35 PM
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Replies (1-10):
mamaBerg85
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 10:44 PM
Everyone's to focused on stupid is this post fake or not to help out.
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shanlee42
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 10:48 PM
I don't think I understand what you asking.
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mamaBerg85
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 10:57 PM
Do u know what an open adoption is? Its where a child is put up for adoption but the bio parent is still allowed contact with the child. In a stepparent open adoption the stepparent is three one who adopts the child but everything else is the same.


Quoting shanlee42:

I don't think I understand what you asking.

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SassyMom25
by Gold Member on Jan. 1, 2013 at 11:02 PM

I wouldn't worry about it. This is the exs issue to deal with and if he wants his  girls to have a relationship then he needs to do the work to make it happen.

shanlee42
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 11:03 PM
Yes. I guess I just didn't understand what you were trying to get at from your OP. Sounds like you are doing the best you can to keep his family in the loop. I'm sure it's got to be hard but at least you are trying to keep his family in your little one's life. I'm sure a closed adoption would have been easier though.

Quoting mamaBerg85:

Do u know what an open adoption is? Its where a child is put up for adoption but the bio parent is still allowed contact with the child. In a stepparent open adoption the stepparent is three one who adopts the child but everything else is the same.




Quoting shanlee42:

I don't think I understand what you asking.

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Polkadotted
by Platinum Member on Jan. 1, 2013 at 11:31 PM

When we do it, we are going to have the same contact with BM, their siblings and her family as now (once a year twice if we can manage), she just won't have the decision making rights and if something happens to DH they will stay with me.  I think we will stop pushing and leave the contact up to her.  We'll let her know when we're in her neck of the woods, but it's on her to make the contact.  We will try and make contact with their sister who lives with her father though.

I'm hoping it works.

mamaBerg85
by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 12:16 AM
I wish u luck. My heart hurts for my daughter cuz his family pushed for them to have that relationship right before the adoption wanted it open and now they don't contact dd. Both girls are 9 so it's not like they have a say so in if they get to see each other. My dd wants things with her sister to go back to the same and I want that for her but it's like his family wants to forget she is even alive. Sometimes I wish I had just never told BF I was pregnant but I was 16 and I didn't know he'd end up doing this. I didn't want the girls to meet either cuz I knew hed pull things shit at some point but I listened to my mom and my husband say what could a meet and relationship hurt. Here the answer to that question. It could really hurt her.


Quoting Polkadotted:

When we do it, we are going to have the same contact with BM, their siblings and her family as now (once a year twice if we can manage), she just won't have the decision making rights and if something happens to DH they will stay with me.  I think we will stop pushing and leave the contact up to her.  We'll let her know when we're in her neck of the woods, but it's on her to make the contact.  We will try and make contact with their sister who lives with her father though.

I'm hoping it works.



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Polkadotted
by Platinum Member on Jan. 2, 2013 at 12:18 AM

But now they know and they won't wonder why you kept them away later.

Quoting mamaBerg85:

I wish u luck. My heart hurts for my daughter cuz his family pushed for them to have that relationship right before the adoption wanted it open and now they don't contact dd. Both girls are 9 so it's not like they have a say so in if they get to see each other. My dd wants things with her sister to go back to the same and I want that for her but it's like his family wants to forget she is even alive. Sometimes I wish I had just never told BF I was pregnant but I was 16 and I didn't know he'd end up doing this. I didn't want the girls to meet either cuz I knew hed pull things shit at some point but I listened to my mom and my husband say what could a meet and relationship hurt. Here the answer to that question. It could really hurt her.


Quoting Polkadotted:

When we do it, we are going to have the same contact with BM, their siblings and her family as now (once a year twice if we can manage), she just won't have the decision making rights and if something happens to DH they will stay with me.  I think we will stop pushing and leave the contact up to her.  We'll let her know when we're in her neck of the woods, but it's on her to make the contact.  We will try and make contact with their sister who lives with her father though.

I'm hoping it works.




mamaBerg85
by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 11:14 PM
Yeah now they only have to wonder why he pushed the relationship only to not allow it after the adoption. Some how it not bbeing my fault doesn't make me feel better when my daughter is asking about her half sister all the time.


Quoting Polkadotted:

But now they know and they won't wonder why you kept them away later.

Quoting mamaBerg85:

I wish u luck. My heart hurts for my daughter cuz his family pushed for them to have that relationship right before the adoption wanted it open and now they don't contact dd. Both girls are 9 so it's not like they have a say so in if they get to see each other. My dd wants things with her sister to go back to the same and I want that for her but it's like his family wants to forget she is even alive. Sometimes I wish I had just never told BF I was pregnant but I was 16 and I didn't know he'd end up doing this. I didn't want the girls to meet either cuz I knew hed pull things shit at some point but I listened to my mom and my husband say what could a meet and relationship hurt. Here the answer to that question. It could really hurt her.




Quoting Polkadotted:

When we do it, we are going to have the same contact with BM, their siblings and her family as now (once a year twice if we can manage), she just won't have the decision making rights and if something happens to DH they will stay with me.  I think we will stop pushing and leave the contact up to her.  We'll let her know when we're in her neck of the woods, but it's on her to make the contact.  We will try and make contact with their sister who lives with her father though.

I'm hoping it works.






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Polkadotted
by Platinum Member on Jan. 3, 2013 at 9:40 AM
2 moms liked this

I will say I've been having trouble with facebook messages and some of my family- especially when they are mobile.  We just aren't getting each other's messages. Maybe write a letter before you shut them out.  Just to make sure it is them ignoring and not technical difficulties.

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