A few days ago I posted in MC about my frustrations with BM being civil and causing a stink over DH only giving her a week for Christmas with SD. Here is a link to that post if you want to go see it... http://www.cafemom.com/group/115189/forums/read/17817425/I_wish_BM_would_just_be_civil?last#replies
Anyways, the situation with BM escalated and she ended up telling SD that she was allowed to stay another week, without DHs consent. So DH felt like BM was using SD as a tool and rather than fighting with BM and causing more "pain" to SD he told her that she could have an extra week. I was pretty upset so I went and started cleaning to rid my frustrations... DH came into the bedroom and he was in tears of complete frustration. He asked me what I thought and I told him that it's his decision and I respect that... he kept at me because he knew I was upset and asked me what I really felt.
I told him that I thought it was bull crap. That I get that BM wants to spend time with her daughter, but why does HIS relationship with his daughter have to suffer because BM wants this or that. We're constantly moving our life around in order to accomodate her. We did that with Christmas and moved things around to make it easier on her... When BM lost full custody the judge granted her visitation at our discretion, no set days, holidays etc. In the divorce decree prior to that one would have christmas eve and the other CHristmas day... SInce BM was moving back with her parents (7 hrs away) DH told her she could have a week instead of just a day and that we would do our Christmas the weekend following Christmas. He was being a nice guy, trying to be civil and fair and this is the BS we deal with? Constant texts about how awful we are, how selfish, how this and that??? Sooo because she had Christmas with her family his doesn't matter? Newsflash... SD has two families now, something BM doesn't seem to grasp. I was so frustrated because we have done everything we can to extend the olive branch to BM in the hopes to create a civil environment for SD (I don't care if BM doesn't like me, I would just like a little respect... I've given her nothing but respect in her role as mom) but at every turn we're met with complete hostility from BM, unless she wants something...
I asked DH why he constantly gives in to BM at his expense? His answer, he's afraid of SD getting upset... Okay, I get that... but what are we really teaching her if her mom throws tantrums to get her way and we constantly give in?? Is that really setting an example for her? If he keeps sheilding SD from "pain" or being upset how is she going to learn how to deal with that in a healthy way? I said I get that you never want to see SD in pain but learning sometimes life isn't fair is a good thing, isn't it?
I admit that I lost my temper and that I was upset that we didn't get our Christmas but I was more upset to see DHs heart break and him giving in because BM raised heck... I can't help but wonder if I crossed the line... Sorry it's so long... again. LOL.