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Court battles causing feelings of resentment.

Posted by on Jan. 3, 2013 at 1:50 PM
  • 23 Replies

Anyone had this problem?

I used to do a lot more for my stepkids, when they came over I would always take them out, do fun things, shopping, etc.

I know I slowed down on taking them places after we had our 2nd son, it was hard taking a baby out with the older kids, and money was a factor as well. Kids get older, they want to do more expensive stuff. We still did our best to spend quality time with them at home.

I love my stepkids so much, but the stress their mother is putting us under by taking us to court is really getting to DH and I. Things were great since DH and I got together (well not great, but not bad either),  8 yrs we've been paying her outside of courts,  now she decided it was time to do the court thing.

We don't know how to handle having the kids over and being able to let go of those feelings, kwim? I mean we do our best not to let it affect our relationship with the kids but its getting harder when BM keeps taking us back to court, wanting more $$.

SD1 (14 yrs) wants to come over this weekend, and we want her to, but it sucks because we think that BM is sending her over here fishing for info or something. It sucks to think that way but we don't know what to do.

Anyone been in a similar situation and have any kind words of advice or encouragement? We love all our kids but as you all know dealing with BMs and courts is not easy in the best of times.

Please no bashing (I hate to have to say that but there's one or more in every bunch!)

by on Jan. 3, 2013 at 1:50 PM
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Replies (1-10):
sarahfire
by on Jan. 3, 2013 at 2:58 PM

bump

Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Jan. 3, 2013 at 3:22 PM

I never had that problem. I mean, yes BM was always trying to get more money and use SD to destroy relationships between SD and DH, me, and our other children. But, that wasn't SD's fault.

Just remember that the step-kids are BM are separate people.

Tigress22304
by Ruby Member on Jan. 3, 2013 at 3:22 PM

Bm and DH in my sitch never dealt with court. And in my sitch-I've had custody of my DD since the day I popped her out-she hasn't been around her father but a handful of times so I really don't have much advice for you.

But I would say-let the kids come over. Keep doing your thing.

If they bring up the court-tell them the truth "It's not fit to be discussed with you,change the subject plz" and move on.

Don't let them read any court papers or anything-watch what you say (in case they may eavesdrop) and enjoy your weekend


sarahfire
by on Jan. 3, 2013 at 3:28 PM

Thats what I've been trying to reiterate to DH. We are working on it for sure.

Quoting Tinkerbellmama:

I never had that problem. I mean, yes BM was always trying to get more money and use SD to destroy relationships between SD and DH, me, and our other children. But, that wasn't SD's fault.

Just remember that the step-kids are BM are separate people.


sarahfire
by on Jan. 3, 2013 at 3:29 PM

thank you. I think this is good advice.

Quoting Tigress22304:

Bm and DH in my sitch never dealt with court. And in my sitch-I've had custody of my DD since the day I popped her out-she hasn't been around her father but a handful of times so I really don't have much advice for you.

But I would say-let the kids come over. Keep doing your thing.

If they bring up the court-tell them the truth "It's not fit to be discussed with you,change the subject plz" and move on.

Don't let them read any court papers or anything-watch what you say (in case they may eavesdrop) and enjoy your weekend



sid1083
by Bronze Member on Jan. 3, 2013 at 3:41 PM
2 moms liked this

 If you didn't feel she was "fishing for info or something" prior to court, why does SD1 have to have an ulterior motive to want to visit now? It sounds like you're taking it a little too personally with the kids - they're the ones now caught in between.

sarahfire
by on Jan. 3, 2013 at 3:44 PM

we know that and thats the reason I made this post, looking for advice and support. We never wanted the kids caught in between but BM has forced us into a corner it feels like. I am just a stepmom trying to do the best for her stepkids as possible. We just want this court stuff to be finalized so we can begin to repair our relationship with the kids.

Quoting sid1083:

 If you didn't feel she was "fishing for info or something" prior to court, why does SD1 have to have an ulterior motive to want to visit now? It sounds like you're taking it a little too personally with the kids - they're the ones now caught in between.


faerie75
by Platinum Member on Jan. 3, 2013 at 3:46 PM

 no. i havent had this situation. skids wont tell BM much about our house, they dont want to be in the middle. the younger ones let stuff slip but we arent keeping anything from her int he first place so its NBD.

rebeccasmly
by on Jan. 3, 2013 at 3:46 PM
1 mom liked this
Whatever BM is doing or trying to set the kids up for, it is not the kid's fault. Please do not allow BM to put you all in a position you're afraid to have the kids over. Even if BM has ulterior motives, have the kids over and proceed as you normally would before all this happened. Do not put the kids in the middle.
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LexRi0709
by on Jan. 3, 2013 at 3:47 PM
1 mom liked this
You need to remember that the sk's are kids. While bm may be fishing for info, the kids still deserve to be treated like kids. They don't need to be brought into the middle of this mess by you guys (not saying you are, but they will sense resentment). Don't talk about court or anything with them. Keep doing what you do. Give them good times to talk about. Like going to the movies, or something. Board game and pizza family night. Stuff like that. It doesn't have to cost a million bucks to be fun. The kids need to know they are loved and wanted at your home.
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