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stepfamily budget?

Posted by on Jan. 4, 2013 at 6:55 PM
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So bm is moving and her day care situation is changing.  DH is court ordered to pay 55% of all day care costs.  There haven't been many, mostly because bm hasn't really had a job, and now that sd is in school, she works during those hours.  When she would give dh receipts he would always give her cash.  So, now that she has moved and her and her bf broke up (she was letting sd stay home alone for a few hours with her boyfriend coming home before her to watch her) she doesn't have that 'option' anymore and really has to put her in a daycare of some sort.  Anyway, not only did she not give dh her address until she actually moved (yes she knew where she was moving, sd saw the place and in the co it says that the moving parent must give 30 days notice or at least 5 days after knowing the actual addres) but she has told him that she has a new daycare plan set up but has not told him the name of it or the amount it will cost.  My question is not really about bm or dh....I don't know if he actually asked the questions, i just know he doesn't know the answers.  If that works for them, fine.  However, if he is going to be paying extra money out of our budget (we don't share money but we both have things/bills we are responsible for, and then pay the extras together) then I feel like I should at least have proper notice on his new financial responsibility so that I can plan accordingly for the extra things.   I am really bothered by the lack of information given in a timely way.  Its not that I don't think he should be paying his share, its that I wish it was communicated in a timely way so that all families could plan accordingly.   Am I wrong in wanting to know the information just so that I can plan, or am I over reacting?

by on Jan. 4, 2013 at 6:55 PM
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Replies (1-10):
lovemyfriend
by Bronze Member on Jan. 4, 2013 at 6:55 PM

*** and by over reacting i just mean caring about it.  I didn't say or do anything.

faerie75
by Platinum Member on Jan. 4, 2013 at 6:56 PM
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I like to know that shit too so you aren't alone.
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knoxmomof2
by on Jan. 4, 2013 at 6:58 PM
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You have a right to know how it's going to affect finances. Ask him once and if he doesn't want to keep you in the loop, consider separating your budgets even more. It's a valid question.

LittleMama2012
by on Jan. 4, 2013 at 7:03 PM
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Of course you have a right to know. When you budget money together, it is very much your business. We put our money together and I handle the finances. Bm knows if she needs something in the way of money, she might as well skip the middle man and come to me. I tell him what we are paying and when, what the extra is, and we discuss but really he doesn't keep up. He makes the money. I handle it and it works for us.
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lovemyfriend
by Bronze Member on Jan. 4, 2013 at 7:08 PM

What do I do if he doesn't seem to care?  I think he figures "i'm going to have to pay it anyway, whats the difference"?  Without seeing that I may pay for more of our 'pizza by the slice' outings, or the trips to the roller skating rink or... whatever.  Or the blatent disrespect his ex wife has for our family...I don't know how to let him know this bothered me without looking like I'm just trying to get into his business with his ex.

Miss-tearious
by on Jan. 4, 2013 at 11:05 PM
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First of all, I would never recommend cash be given. I would do a check so it is recorded somewhere, if it ever came down to it.

B) No, I don't think you are over reacting. It isn't unreasonable for you to be aware of changes in a timely manner.

lnr187
by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 12:36 AM
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 you have every right to know! CO says 30 days notice, then she needs to give it! SO needs to demand a name, phone number, and $ amount. he should call them and set up pymt arrangements. he can pay his % directly to them, and she can pay the balance. he should also check up on this often to make sure child is still enrolled, bm is paying her portion, and check that fees are the same (idk age of child, but usually the fees decrease as the child gets older)

bertaboo1
by Silver Member on Jan. 5, 2013 at 6:36 AM
Omg this is exactly what happens. To us! Moving without notice and everything! Dh put a stop to the daycare changing and since bm and since bm lost her job we are now responsible for all daycare costs. It sucks not having notice to budget. Same with moving ...she tells us after the fact. It's not that dh doesn't care ...he just doesn't want to argue. I recently told dh that he can argue with xw or current wife ...man up and take care of your child by knowing where he is! There is no reason in the world he not know where he is on any given day and there is no reason you as his wife should not know either the costs because it will effect your finances.
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chanizen
by Platinum Member on Jan. 5, 2013 at 7:37 AM
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He needs to pay for his portion, as court ordered.  Encouraging him to be a deadbeat is wrong.

And perhaps you and dh should split your finances.  Your money goes into one account,  his goes into another.  You put x amount in for joint expenses (mortgage/rent and utilities).

Then he can pay for his kids, as he agreed to in  co.  And you can get your nails done. Btw, he should have savings etc because, you know, when emergencies do happen, kids do NOT miraculously stop needing food, shelter or clothes.

Are you bringing in more than 50% of the household income?  Are you working?

lovemyfriend
by Bronze Member on Jan. 5, 2013 at 11:33 AM
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I'm confused where you got the idea that I think he should not pay his portion, and that I am encouraging him to be a dead beat/  Please, show me where I implied that, because that is definitely not my intent.  (Its not that I don't think he should be paying his share, its that I wish it was communicated in a timely way so that all families could plan accordingly. Am I wrong in wanting to know the information just so that I can plan, or am I over reacting?)

And also, as I said in the post, we do not share money, We do both have seperate accounts.  We split certain bills that we are both responsible for.  The "Extras" are not me getting my nails done, but things that we do together as a family, and since my son is a year and half, its almost always something that is for his daughter.  I do not mind paying for extras, I just would appreciate a little notice so that I can know "ok..dh will be paying X amount now, so I know that this or that will either be cut, or my responsibility."  And he does have savings, and yes I am working.  Its about a 60/40 split with him working a little more, and me watching our son a little more. 

Quoting chanizen:

He needs to pay for his portion, as court ordered.  Encouraging him to be a deadbeat is wrong.

And perhaps you and dh should split your finances.  Your money goes into one account,  his goes into another.  You put x amount in for joint expenses (mortgage/rent and utilities).

Then he can pay for his kids, as he agreed to in  co.  And you can get your nails done. Btw, he should have savings etc because, you know, when emergencies do happen, kids do NOT miraculously stop needing food, shelter or clothes.

Are you bringing in more than 50% of the household income?  Are you working?


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