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I'm Not The Babysitter!

Posted by on Jan. 4, 2013 at 7:32 PM
  • 30 Replies

Why does my SO get so upset that I don't want to babysit his kid? Maybe it is because he doesn't want to hand him back over to BM because he doesn't want her to know he is giving up would be time spent with his son to go play a show. 

We have been together for 2 years and I might have stayed home one night in that time to "watch" his kid while he goes and does something else and the only reason I did that because it was last minute plans that were made late and his son was already in bed anyway. 

I earn my money by being a nanny to a few families, and I just so happen to work all day tomorrow. He is upset because I don't want to come home from work to watch another kid that is not mine for free. I would prefer to go spend time with my friends for once. 

His excuses are "I want you two to bond and go do something together,"Which is amusing because he has never mentioned he and I bonding before.  and "I thought we were a family and you had my back when I need you." My response is "Then lets be a family and you not go to your show!"

I would like to try and not make a fight out of this with him, but I am beginning to think that it might be near impossible with the hostility he already has. 

Is there anyway to avoid an argument and present my reasoning's with out him getting more upset? Because right now, it just seems like he is going to be an asshole about the whole thing.

Pregnancy%20ticker

by on Jan. 4, 2013 at 7:32 PM
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Replies (1-10):
lovemyfriend
by Bronze Member on Jan. 4, 2013 at 7:40 PM

yikes.  Well, is he playing the show or going to watch?  Him expecting you to watch the kiddo is unreasonable.  I noticed you're pregnant, is it his child?  I would be careful to really think this over and handle it in a way that you are able to provide the best for your child.  If it is an issue that you and your BF can work out without breaking up, then take all steps to do that.  If you are really fed up, be aware that your child will have a half sibling with this person. 

newwife1
by Silver Member on Jan. 4, 2013 at 8:21 PM

How often is the kid at your house? Does he normally stay home with the kid when he has custody?

I agree with you, I would never "babysit" my SS. If DH can't be home then SS stays with his mother.


Tillymommie
by Silver Member on Jan. 4, 2013 at 8:45 PM

Stand your ground!!

LittleMama2012
by Silver Member on Jan. 4, 2013 at 11:59 PM
I don't have much advice to give you. In our sitch, Dh makes the most money and works the most. He does this so that I can go to college fulltime & only work part time. We have two boys together, ages 4 and 1, and baby #3 on the way. Plus sd10. I am the main care giver. I have the kids when he works, all of them. During the school year SD is here on weekends. I work Sundays, he keeps all the kids. That is their day with their daddy. I work 3 days during the week and my mom keeps the boys because we are both at work.

If you feel that strongly about being a babysitter, I would stand your ground. But are u planning on marrying him? You are having a child together which will be his child's sibling. IMO, it might be a good idea to have a relationship with his child. I want everyone in my home to feel like a family, including SD. Just a question and not being a witch here, but what about when they baby comes? Would you feel the same way? If you and baby are home, Dh is not and his child has to leave or go to a sitter because Dh is not there, that could cause some resentment from the child.
But you shouldn't feel like just a babysitter if you are having a family with this guy, KWIM?
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Seychelles1409
by Silver Member on Jan. 5, 2013 at 12:29 AM

If your SO wants you to watch his child so he can go out and have a good time while you stay at home, then I don't blame you for saying no, but if in two years you have only watched his child one time and it hasn't been because SO is out partying, then I would say you are being selfish not to help him out.  For example, if SO gets called in to work when your SS is visiting, I think it would be selfish to refuse to keep the SS for your SO.  You are building a family together, aren't you?  I mean you are having a baby together, right?  Your days of  going out with your friends is about to be vastly different.  You will be in a mommy mode and it might be best to think of your SS as a part of your family with SO.  

CodeBlue
by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 1:08 AM
6 moms liked this
Oh my gosh. You watching him would make this twice in two years? Seriously. Watch him and let your husband go out. If you're really a tit-for-tat type of person, just remind him of this the next time you wanna do something.
You are making way too big a deal of this. Put your big girl panties on and watch the child.
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SamsMomSays
by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 7:29 AM
I would suggest accommodating him this time as he already has plans. If you refuse now, it will be a huge fight. But tell him, in the future, you will not be babysitting his son.
If you feel strongly about it. However, I would think hard about if you want to start setting up major differences in how you treat the kids, because it will cause resentment among them. They are all siblings and I'm sure you want them to love each other.
Being involved with a father requires sacrifice. Hopefully, it's worth it.
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YngCollegeSMom
by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 9:18 AM

He has him every other weekend. He knowingly scheduled this show the same weekend that he had his son and then waits last minute to make arrangements for him. 

Quoting newwife1:

How often is the kid at your house? Does he normally stay home with the kid when he has custody?

I agree with you, I would never "babysit" my SS. If DH can't be home then SS stays with his mother.



andie646c
by Silver Member on Jan. 5, 2013 at 10:11 AM

I wouldn't want to watch him either. However, I'm extremely passive and would probably end up doing it anyway.

How is this only the second time you've been left to watch him? I'm guessing dad doesn't do this often? Or does he and he just hasn't quite gotten the hint yet?

connecticut
by Member on Jan. 5, 2013 at 3:12 PM
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I am more than willing to watch my skids if my dh has to work (which he has no control over). That would not be okay with me if it was b/c he wanted to go play a show or go out with his friends. He is the one who chose to have kids and that means sacrificing alot....which is exactly why I don't have kids of my own. As someone who made the decision not to have children, it makes me very annoyed to hear about people with kids that aren't willing to make the sacrifices you have to as a parent. Especially since he only has him eowe. If he can't stay home at those times, he shouldn't have had a child.
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