Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

She's still going strong. More of a vent.

Posted by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 1:03 PM
  • 20 Replies

DH & BM have been court ordered for more than 2 1/2 years to use a supervised exchange center, thanks to BM & her family's behavior. It has been a blessing even though it hasn't made things completely problem free, we no longer had to deal with BM's verbal abuse & threatening behavior. We also now had 3rd parties to help mediate regularly in many ways.

Earlier in 2012, the center began using a computer system for parents to be more responsible for scheduling their own visits. NCP submits requests for their parenting time at least 4 days prior to the visit & CP confirms or denies it at least 2 days prior. If their are disputes, center staff will help out since they have copies of all court orders & other resources available to them.

This system also allows you to schedule up to 45 days in advance. BM was regularly submitting her requests for the next month, up to the 45 day limit, it worked well. Until recently. BM has been wanting to stop using the center for a long time. It's an hour drive for her, she has done many things to effect her reputation with staff (withholding kids, lying, false accusations, threats to staff), there's a small fee & it's completely monitored, everything is documented. At a Dec 18 court date, the subpeonaed records didn't reflect well on her & she again tried to get DH to agree not to use it anymore.  He refused saying hopefully one day in the future we wouldn't need to rely on it anymore, but we're keeping it now until she can regain some trust.

Dec 30-Jan 1, BM was due to have the kids for New Years. 3 days earlier, we still didn't see a request from her so DH called the center to ask. They called her up to remind her. She immediately made the request. DH said we would pick them up at the our county police station Jan 1 since SD had school the next day & exchange center was closed. This week BM was supposed to see the kids for her usual weekend but no requests were coming in & after calling exchange staff 3 times, still no request. Finally, January 4 at 1pm BM emailed DH saying that "since neither of them requested an exchange, the center said it was too late, there would be no exchange so can we meet near her house or the police station"...She also called home (I wasn't there, my son answered).

DH was at work & often doesn't check email until after work or end of day. She wanted communication ONLY between her & DH, which we agreed to because she says she "pretends (I) don't exist, she doesn't want anything to do with either of us & she doesn't want me to give her information, she just wants DH to talk to her (she's called when her DH is gone)". No big deal, less work for me. But why did she call ME at home for an exchange problem she created at the last minute? DH emailed her back telling her what we were told "we aren't responsible to remind her of her parenting time & we need to follow the court order" & not to contact (me) when she's the one who didn't want me involved.

Anyway, she called police in our county & went there. She supposedly showed them A court order. But we have 4 courts orders to follow are still waiting for her lawyer to finish the paperwork from their last agreement from 2 1/2 weeks ago so DH can review it before the judge gets it. DH asks the officer over the phone which court order she's reading & the officer starts yelling at him to stop being diffcult! I can hear this because we're both at the table. DH tries again to explain to the officer that he's not being difficult, there are 4 court orders & he wants to know which ONE BM brought them. We never got an answer. The officer was siding with BM off the bat assuming she was telling the truth & DH was the bad dad. She snapped at DH demanding to see his signed court orders immediately, DH responded "sure, you're welcome to come out here, I have all paperwork ready & talked to the sheriff earlier today." (we live 30min away). DH said please call exchange center, they are expecting your call. We never heard from the officer again. No apology for the way she treated DH (it was a long accusatory call), no update on decisions, outcome, nothing.

We found out that exchange center backed us up. "No exchange, BM knows the policy." BM was lying to the officer, we still don't know that she had a real court order, we heard it was a "new one" which is what BM often says when she's trying to manipulate. We were also told that the officer told exchange staff BM was in a rage & was screaming at the officer to drive to our house & take the kids. \

Ahhh, there's the woman we know. We knew it wouldn't take long for her true colors to shine through. DH will pick up a copy of the police report this week to see the details.

Soon after all of this started, BM's dad called our house 2x before we shut the ringer off because the problem wasn't resolved yet as far as we knew. We were not at all surprised because her dad always jumps in with threats & repeated phone calls either on his own of because BM pushed him to. We did think he was acting better during the last 2 times we were near each other though.

Now, before anyone gets the urge to assume that I'm a bullying second wife, think again...I'm also a BM, I had DS's dad call the police on me at 10pm when DS was a toddler & BD "forgot" to be home at our agreed time for me to drop him off & didn't contact me until hours later. I've been on the other end. I have also seen the bias toward moms many times, myself included. BM has never served jailtime for her false reports, CO violations, still not completed a CO parenting class from 2 1/2 years ago, not paid fines & attorney fees, etc.  BM CHOSE not to follow the rules to manipulate where exchange happened because DH has played fair for 4 years. BM CHOSE not to take care of her responsibility & blame us instead. And she tried dragging me & her father into it after demanding that no one but her & DH be involved. 

I hate to have to say it, but I hope she now understands a tiny bit of how it feels to have the kids withheld & unable to do a thing about it. She can never imagine the hell she's put us & the kids through already. The difference is she did it wrongfully, & we are following the court order; she had no intention of letting the kids see their dad again but we have even reminded her & exchange center when it's her time to be fair to her despite what she's done. I'm just tired of the drama & we both knew she was building up again, it gets to a point when you can see the subtle signs.

End of vent.

by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 1:03 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
faerie75
by Platinum Member on Jan. 6, 2013 at 2:43 AM
Don't bend fro it with her type. If its CO'd to use the center, use it or she forfeits. It's not that you don't want the skids to see her, it's that she created this situation so se needs to abide by the CO.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Jan. 6, 2013 at 2:49 AM
Oy- sorry girl - that's super messy
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Amy1973Potts
by on Jan. 6, 2013 at 3:58 AM
Oh THAT asshole example is going in my thesis. And my book. Goog god lol. Sorry mama WHAT AN ASSHOLE.

Rotten women make my day.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
chanizen
by Platinum Member on Jan. 6, 2013 at 8:17 AM
She doesn't follow the rules *shrugs* she doesn't get the kids. Pretty straightforward.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Mommyof5247
by on Jan. 6, 2013 at 1:42 PM
Exactly. If she hadn't been trying to get out of using the center for so long & continuing not to compromise of the little things, who knows, maybe DH would have given in. But she's been building up for a little while again. We really need to be "by the book" with her or we get hurt.

Quoting faerie75:

Don't bend fro it with her type. If its CO'd to use the center, use it or she forfeits. It's not that you don't want the skids to see her, it's that she created this situation so se needs to abide by the CO.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Mommyof5247
by on Jan. 6, 2013 at 1:45 PM
I know. And it doesn't even need to be. The system we've been using should & usually does make everything run very smoothly. The holidays have even been fairly drama free.

Quoting momof2ex1:

Oy- sorry girl - that's super messy
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Mommyof5247
by on Jan. 6, 2013 at 1:51 PM
BM or the officer assuming DH was a bad guy? We had a feeling BM was going to pull something since November when they didn't show up at the court date they demanded & admitted to having no evidence or witnesses. It's a vibe in the air. Lol. Then a month later they send us a stack of papers & subpeonaed records with us on the witness list. Ultimately saying she's willing to drop her abuse accusations if he agrees to some things...really?! Come on, either a person believes someone is abusing the kids & you fight or you know you're lying & ask for more stuff.

Quoting Amy1973Potts:

Oh THAT asshole example is going in my thesis. And my book. Goog god lol. Sorry mama WHAT AN ASSHOLE.



Rotten women make my day.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Mommyof5247
by on Jan. 6, 2013 at 1:54 PM
I wish she would understand that. In fact, I wish she would follow even a few of the rules at all. Maybe she will learn that it only hurts her & the kids to play these games? But after all this time & drama, I'm not holding my breath.

Quoting chanizen:

She doesn't follow the rules *shrugs* she doesn't get the kids. Pretty straightforward.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Mommyof5247
by on Jan. 6, 2013 at 2:05 PM
And if it were me in her position, I would be on the computer submitting my visits for the next 45 days to make sure this never happened again. But not BM. We haven't received a single alert from the system.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
faerie75
by Platinum Member on Jan. 6, 2013 at 6:08 PM
Before court wrapped up with BM2 we were ordered to use a supervised exchange. She was all for it u til she found out she had to pay half. Then she all of a sudden was trying to be more flexible because she didnt want to help pay for it. SO said sure if you end the piss tests. Se refused so SO said too bad so sad. In the end they came to an agreement but he did not give her, her way just because. She likes something for nothing. He won't do that for her anymore.

Quoting Mommyof5247:

Exactly. If she hadn't been trying to get out of using the center for so long & continuing not to compromise of the little things, who knows, maybe DH would have given in. But she's been building up for a little while again. We really need to be "by the book" with her or we get hurt.



Quoting faerie75:

Don't bend fro it with her type. If its CO'd to use the center, use it or she forfeits. It's not that you don't want the skids to see her, it's that she created this situation so se needs to abide by the CO.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)