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Room sharing dilema

Posted by on Jan. 7, 2013 at 10:09 AM
  • 11 Replies

So, I moved into my boyfriends house almost 2 years ago.  I share custody with my ex-husband, so my children are with me after school everyday until 8pm and every other weekend, plus holidays, school shutdowns, etc.  Well, my oldest son stayed with us until about a year ago and then decided that he didn't like my boyfriend and decided to stay with is dad, so now we only have 5 that stay with us.  My sons had a room downstairs and the rest of us are upstairs.  My youngest daughter has her own room as does his son.  Our older daughters share a room because they are like best friends and begged to bunk together.  Now the room that my son is in downstairs used to be a dining room, but has been used even before I got there as a bedroom.  Now, my boyfriend wants to have a dining room again and to move my son upstairs to bunk with his son.  my son is 10 and his is 7.  They do hang out and play and some weekends they bunk together in my sons room, but I feel they would not bunk well permanently together.  My son is not overly neat, but his room only gets slightly out of place and when I ask him to clean it, he is done withing 10 minutes.  Now, my boyfriends son reminds me of pig pen from the Charlie Brown cartoons.  His room is so messy and nasty.  he still wears pull ups at night and I find them on the floor in his room and no matter how many times he is told, he still does it.  When he is asked to clean his room, we have to sit and watch him or he will stop after a minute and play.  He thinks having my son in his room will help his son do a better job at keeping his room clean, but I don't want my child put in a situation where he has to deal with it.  I harbor guilt about leaving my children's father after 14 years of marriage.  I made this situation for my kids and I struggle to keep them comfortable and happy and I am afraid to make him bunk with my BF son because I don't think he will be happy and then he will be upset with me.  Does anyone know how I feel or have any advice for me?

by on Jan. 7, 2013 at 10:09 AM
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Replies (1-10):
sleeblended
by on Jan. 7, 2013 at 10:56 AM

My kids are older, teenagers, but I have a question:  Is it normal for a 7 year old to still be wearing pull ups at night?

I understand your dilemma, and I think your son might be a good influence on his son, and maybe you can keep an eye on the room and encourage them to be clean.  Maybe make it a trial run, for 6 months, see how it works, if it doesn't then change things back to how they were before.  Sit the boys down and ask them how they feel about rooming together.  Let them know they will need to keep their room extra clean.  Good luck.

twinklebites
by Bronze Member on Jan. 7, 2013 at 11:02 AM

Pull ups at night are still fairly normal for some kids I have a freind who son is almost 8 and just started being dry though the night DS is 6 and he is stil hit or miss.

But to answer the OP question I would have the kids share and see how it goes, having to watch a 7 y/o boy clean his room is not uncommon, but my best advice is not to let the guilt of the divorce change how you parent ,I know itds hard I too struggle with it . Good luck!

Quoting sleeblended:

My kids are older, teenagers, but I have a question:  Is it normal for a 7 year old to still be wearing pull ups at night?

I understand your dilemma, and I think your son might be a good influence on his son, and maybe you can keep an eye on the room and encourage them to be clean.  Maybe make it a trial run, for 6 months, see how it works, if it doesn't then change things back to how they were before.  Sit the boys down and ask them how they feel about rooming together.  Let them know they will need to keep their room extra clean.  Good luck.


momof2cuteboys
by Silver Member on Jan. 7, 2013 at 11:02 AM

I think that doing at as a trial wouldn't be too bad.  But at 10 it might be hard to share a space.  Not that it wouldn't be a good way to learn how to deal with people that aren't just like themselves.  Think later when he might have to live in a dorm or have a roommate... even a spouse.  For both of them actually.

Why does your DH want the dining room back so bad? Will it really be used?

HopesNDreams
by Silver Member on Jan. 7, 2013 at 11:05 AM
1 mom liked this
My DD is a neat freak and SD is a slop. When the two of them shared a room, it was a nightmare. SD's mess 'overflowed' daily onto DD's side. SD never learned to be neat - her side was only clean when DD cleaned it for her. DD was completely miserable and SD oblivious to the problem. If you can avoid it, keep them separate.
However, if having more community space is necessary with your large family and you must combine the two, your DH needs to supervise his son cleaning. This should be done the evening before your DS arrives and at least once during the weekend. No one should be held hostage by someone else's mess.
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luzianagurl
by on Jan. 7, 2013 at 11:52 AM
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trial run sound great, just let the kids and dh know so if it starts going south you can change it back

loveall6
by on Jan. 7, 2013 at 1:25 PM

Thanks for the great advice.  With all of us combined, we are getting too big to sit at the kitchen table, so we need to get more space by getting our dining room back.  I am fine dealing with the lack of space, but my BF wants more space.  I think a trial run would be a great idea.  I never thought of that.  The good thing is he will still have about 3 days a week where my BF son doesn't come over, so he will have some private time.  My youngest daughter would also need to move to the smaller room.  She is more accomodating.  She has already picked out new paint colors.  My son is the only one refusing to do it.  Maybe telling him it is a trial run will help.  But my BF son will have to learn to clean his mess up.  As for the pull ups at his age, I had a hard time dealing with that too, but apparently it is normal.  But, there are some days when my BF forgets to buy them and even though he takes him to the bathroom before bed, he still wets sometimes and of course never says a word about it until we notice it many hours later.  I really feel like I have to tell him everything over and over.  I am surprised I don't have to remind him to breathe.

lnr187
by on Jan. 7, 2013 at 2:01 PM

 doing a trial run sounds like a good idea, but if your ds is refusing, then i'd be hesitant to force him into it. that's just me though. with all these children, maybe you should start house hunting! easier said than done sometimes, i know :)

Tigress22304
by Platinum Member on Jan. 7, 2013 at 2:11 PM

Keep them separate. DD and SD share a bedroom. It's mainly DD's bedroom and sd is here on the weekends when she decides to visit. DD is very neat (she's autistic) and keeps everything in place-the room has to be a certain way.

SD11 is a slobbiest pig you'll ever meet-she hides food/dishes in her bed (top bunk bed) instead of hanging up clothes/putting them away-she shoves them in the closet etc.

Believe me if I can have them in their own rooms-I'd do it in a heart beat.

loveall6
by on Jan. 9, 2013 at 12:52 PM

I am going to talk to my son this weekend and ask if he is ok with a trial run.  We would have to purchase a smaller bed for him to make everything fit.  His bed right now is perfectly fine, so I told my BF that if he wants them to bunk together, then he needs to purchase the new bed.  I am not spending any extra money to make this happen.  I guess I am a bit hesitant and making it more difficult to make the change.  I just hope with a little extra time that will give me by waiting on him to purchase the new bed that it will give me time to get my son to be ok with this change. 

loveall6
by on Jan. 10, 2013 at 9:02 AM

I casually mentioned last night at dinner that we are going to work on getting our dining room set back up again so we can all sit down as a family and have dinner.  Right now we have to do it in shifts when all the kids are there.  Well, I have never seen him cut his eyes at me the way he did last night. He looked so mad about it.  I didn't want to have the conversation in front of the other kids, so I told him we would talk about it later. I am almost to the point of breaking down and using bribery to make him and my BF happy.  I feel caught in the middle of this dilema and it is exhausting.

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