I have a 5yo step ddaughter who I have beven raising full time since she was a year old, her BM is in the picture some of the time but is constantly in and out of jail and struggles with a drug problem so she doesn't really have a relationship with her daughter. My sd knows I am not her real mom but says I am her mom if you ask her she will tell you she has two moms because that is all she has ever known. Mind I have a good relationship with her BM even through all her struggles I try to keep her included in my sd life.
My mother in law on the other hand hates me because I do not allow her to fill my sd up on junk food, my I law even goes to the extent of letting my sd eat an entire package of cookies and a whole cake if she wanted along with pop and candy, an then my . in law would laugh and say "oh Hollie your going to be so wound up when you get him" which in reality we would get home and my sd who was 2 at this time would come home and lay on the couch balling for hours because her stomach hurt so bad. so finally my husband had a talk with his mother about not feeding her a bunch of junk or else she wouldn't be able to see her grand daughter unless we were there. which she eventually quite giving her so much junk but now says rude comments about how I won't let my sd have any sweets which isn't true I just only allow it in moderation. now that my sd is getting older my in laws continue to baby her and spoiler her the spoiling I don't mind because thats what grandparents are for but the babying is what gets to me, she' s 5 and my in laws baby her so bad they don't make her pick up her toys when we leave an even when my husband and I tell her to the mother in law will step in front of me and tell my sd that she doesn't have to clean up they also don't enforce manners on my sd as in please/ thank you, don't act like an animal at the dinner table. For example my step daughter will demand that she wants juice "I want some juice" an not in asking way an they jump right up and give it to her.
usually I just bite my tongue and don't say anything to them about these things but the other night my mother in law called me because my husband got in a car accident, so I answered it just to let her know that everything was okay and she was just being a very rude bitch to me telling me how she didn't care about my husband . she was worried about my sd which I told her that my sd was fine and was at home with me, when she continued to be rude I just lost it and everything that I have kept inside that bothers me about her came out. and she told me that my sd is her blood not mine and thatI have no say when it comes to my sd and I need to quite acting like her mother because I' m not and I have no right to tell her how she can treat her grand daughter. I took this very offensive because I know I am not my sd real mom but I take care of her every hour of every day an treat her and am trying to raise just like I would if I did give birth to her. I just don't know what to do about my mother in law my husband called her after are fight to try and work things out and she told him that I am no longer aloud on her property and then lied about everything she said to me. I want my sd to keep a relationship with her family but I can't handle my mother in law anymore and my husband told her that as long as she is going to be that way to his wife he will not talk to her or see her anymore and neither will his daughter.
I just don't know what to do about my mother in law or the whole situation? I hate it being this way and am so confused on if I' m in the wrong or not. or even If I' m not in the wrong because I believe I was just standing up for my self and let everything I usually bite my tongue about come out. I just don't know how to fix my situation and make it better. or even if it is worth the effort. please help!!!!