DH has had a burr under his saddle all week regarding SD. He keeps making excuses that she's acting like BM, that he sees the same attitude, blah, blah, bleepity blah. BM has has been in rare form lately and is a big factor in his crabbiness, but this taking things out on SD is really getting old. He's in bed feeling guilty at moment. I'm feeling a bit guilty for calling him out in front of the kids (SD needed the defense at that point), but geez louise... Kids aren't clones of their parents!
DH has said this to SD before. Actually anyone who knows SD and BM think they're twins.
Quoting momof2ex1:
My dd said that SM tells her all the time 'you don't want to grow up and make the same mistakes that your mother has made'. My dd gets so confused because she says she wants to be just like me!!!
The truth is that children inherit more than eye and hair color from their parents. DH really should realize that his kids have inherited things from BM and him as well. He needs to understand that some behavior is typical of an age, but other behaviors can be modified. SD really doesn't need to be compared to anyone. Ask DH how'd he would feel if BM told SD "you are just like your father". This is not a compliment and kids know it. Good luck
My SM used to say to me, "you look like your mom and you act like her too" But, I at that point as a kid didnt know my mom. My SM however did. Apparently her and my SM had a few fights over my father back in the day?
It was the one most hurtful thing said to me as a child. I processed this saying in a very deep part in my brain. I also didnt process it like an adult would. It went some place really bad that I cant explain with words. I think on some level, I am still dealing with the after affects of that. I cant tell you why I cant fix that one, I would probably need a psychologists help, I can only tell you the physical reaction I still have to rethinking about it or hearing it.
Have your husband read that.
I confess.. those words came out of my mouth once, to my daughter ("you're just like your father"). It was not a compliment.
Among the various things I've done in my life that I truly regret, that's easily in the top five.
My mom has told me in exasperation that I'm just like my dad. Huge difference being that they're not divorced, and there was no animosity in the statement as much as an, "I don't understand you!" Truth is, I am just like my dad. And what's funny about SD is that she is very much like DH. She looks like him and shares quite a bit of his personality. The only time I see BM in her is with certain facial expressions and mannerisms. And that's not a bad thing. BM, behavior aside, is a beautiful woman. She and DH made beautiful kids. But the single most hurtful thing DH can say to SD is that she's just like BM. He just doesn't get it. *head-desk*
Anyway, he got up and apologized to SD the best he could after I made this post last night. I didn't wallop him, but I did get after him for acting just like BM. He had no comment. I just don't see how there's any way for SD to win this. BM withholds affection from her because she's loyal to her dad. DH is creating emotional distance from her because she reminds him of BM. WTF? Damn it, now I'm all irritated again.
If BP doesn't have the money to see the kid.
Do You Think 50/50 Custody Is Good For the Kids?
- Derdriu
on Jan. 7, 2013 at 11:26 PM