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Thankful?

Posted by on Jan. 7, 2013 at 11:52 PM
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1 mom liked this

We often see on here and other places that mom should be "thankful" that SM treats their kids well. Really though should they need to be thankful? Shouldn't it be expected that a child's father chooses to be with someone that treats their kids well? I generally think that in spite of many pitfalls of stephood most stepparents do not go into a relationship intending to be mean to kids or cause futher chaos. Do bio parents really need to be thankful when chaos does not happen?

by on Jan. 7, 2013 at 11:52 PM
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Replies (1-10):
leegirl_jm
by Platinum Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 12:05 AM
I would be thankful for a civil, conflict free situation, I doubt children are thriving in hostile or chaotic situation, even if SM is treating the child well.
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Charli627
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 12:10 AM
This

Quoting leegirl_jm:

I would be thankful for a civil, conflict free situation, I doubt children are thriving in hostile or chaotic situation, even if SM is treating the child well.
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soonergirl980
by Gold Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 12:19 AM

This is outside the parent relationship. Should either parent be thankful that mom/dad new partner is "nice" to their kid?

Quoting leegirl_jm:

I would be thankful for a civil, conflict free situation, I doubt children are thriving in hostile or chaotic situation, even if SM is treating the child well.


newstepmom61811
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 12:28 AM
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I think it depends on what the BM wants or her kids. She wants the best for her kids she will realize a positive functional relationship with her exes new spouse is probably the best for the kids, being thankful is simply a good positive mindset. Is it an obligation, absolutely not. The general rule is you're going to get what you give. You give a cold shoulder, expect the same from SM. You give disregard, you'll get the same from SM. You give basic human respect, appreciation, and cooperation, you'll likely get the same from SM. There is no obligation, really on either part, so the real question is, what do you want for your kids, and what kind of person do you want your kids to see you being?
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macgyver10
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 12:37 AM
1 mom liked this
I'm thankful for my kids SM. I'm thankful for anybody that is in my kids life that treats them well and loves them. Teachers, neighbors, friends, etc. XH dated a few women before SM that made me realize how bad it could be lol. SM couldn't have kids so she spoils mine rotten:). We all consider her the other mom. She's really the sweetest lady.
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soonergirl980
by Gold Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 12:38 AM

There is no "obligation" but as a mindset of a parent would you expectation as a mom that the father would automatically pick someone "nice" to your child or would you just "hope" he would? Personally I would expect him to pick someone "nice" to my kids rather than have to be thankful for that. He is thier parent as well and it would not look so great for him to pick a step-parent that was horrible to them.

Quoting newstepmom61811:

I think it depends on what the BM wants or her kids. She wants the best for her kids she will realize a positive functional relationship with her exes new spouse is probably the best for the kids, being thankful is simply a good positive mindset. Is it an obligation, absolutely not. The general rule is you're going to get what you give. You give a cold shoulder, expect the same from SM. You give disregard, you'll get the same from SM. You give basic human respect, appreciation, and cooperation, you'll likely get the same from SM. There is no obligation, really on either part, so the real question is, what do you want for your kids, and what kind of person do you want your kids to see you being?


heathercm26
by Bronze Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 12:40 AM
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My mother was uber greatful that my daycare provider was so good to us and loved us. Hugged us and snuggled us. Really cared for us. Disciplined us and made our day to day lives so great. I am so greatful to my x sil for being a good mom to my niece and nephew. It could be a lot worse but luckily she turned out to be an excellent mother. I am so greatful to have been right when i choose dh to be the father for my kids. I am greatful to him for continuing to be an awesome dad. He doesnt have to...i should be able to expect it but he could say fuck it when things get hard for him. Sooooo yes bm ought to be greatful that their x had some sense. Greatful for anything that sm adds to their kids lives etc. Because guess what?? She doesnt have to. Even actual parents dont have to.

I think you should be super greatful to those who are good to those you love.
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LucyHarper
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 12:40 AM
1 mom liked this

Considering some of the stepmoms I've seen on here and in real life, I would be extremely thankful if my kids had a stepmom who treated them well. I'm with their father, so they don't have a stepmom, but it's unbelievable the attitudes that some stepmoms have.

faerie75
by Platinum Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 12:42 AM
No but they shouldnt act like bitches just because either. Personally I was thankful that my kids dads partners A. Were nice to my kids and B. didnt overstep. I am also thankful that BM does not talk badly about me to the skids. I don't expect anything but to be treated civilly. She has thanked me for helping SO with the kids a few times. She knows I don't overstep.



I just don't understand the repeated affirmation that BM doesn't owe anyone shit. I also don't understand the repeated lament by SM that BM isn't thankful. I think both should just be civil and leave each other alone. But that's just me.
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newstepmom61811
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 12:43 AM
Honestly, all my exes, I have NO expectations and well, low hopes, really, their exes for a reason. By the grace of God, married none of them though I wanted to and no children. I could truly cut ties and never concern myself with them again. Honestly though I'm one, exes are for a reason, I'm just wired to have expectations and hopes low so I'd be grateful for anything good I guess if I were in that situation.


Quoting soonergirl980:

There is no "obligation" but as a mindset of a parent would you expectation as a mom that the father would automatically pick someone "nice" to your child or would you just "hope" he would? Personally I would expect him to pick someone "nice" to my kids rather than have to be thankful for that. He is thier parent as well and it would not look so great for him to pick a step-parent that was horrible to them.


Quoting newstepmom61811:

I think it depends on what the BM wants or her kids. She wants the best for her kids she will realize a positive functional relationship with her exes new spouse is probably the best for the kids, being thankful is simply a good positive mindset. Is it an obligation, absolutely not. The general rule is you're going to get what you give. You give a cold shoulder, expect the same from SM. You give disregard, you'll get the same from SM. You give basic human respect, appreciation, and cooperation, you'll likely get the same from SM. There is no obligation, really on either part, so the real question is, what do you want for your kids, and what kind of person do you want your kids to see you being?



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