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We often see on here and other places that mom should be "thankful" that SM treats their kids well. Really though should they need to be thankful? Shouldn't it be expected that a child's father chooses to be with someone that treats their kids well? I generally think that in spite of many pitfalls of stephood most stepparents do not go into a relationship intending to be mean to kids or cause futher chaos. Do bio parents really need to be thankful when chaos does not happen?

by on Jan. 7, 2013 at 11:52 PM
Replies (71-75):
soonergirl980
by Gold Member on Jan. 11, 2013 at 1:21 PM

But this isn't about a SP doing anything outside of being nice. One time my DS sm took my son to a parade because I thought he would enjoy it and I and DH both had to work (before I was married I worked FT as a single mother). She didn't have to and I told her thank you and I appriciated what she did. Of course gratitude for things they do is a given (assuming those things they do are not crossing boundries of course).

My whole question is based soley on the statement "mom should be nice because dad chose someone nice to the kids" or "mom should be thankful that I am NICE to her kids" lets pretend your DS SM version of nice was only being polite not actually doing anything for him or even nice was just not being plain mean. Would you be thankful just because dad picked someone not mean to your DS.

Quoting jlg12678:

I am thankful that my son has a good stepmom. She does alot for him and I've told her I appreciate what she does many times.

It's funny how far a little appreciation can go....we are conflict free and have been for over five years. Do I have to thank her? Nope. Is it the right thing to do? I think so. I know many disagree, but are their blended family situations conflict free? The likely answer is no.


kellynh
by Kelly on Jan. 11, 2013 at 1:23 PM

Yes, I think it is expected that a child's father would not choose to be with someone who would emotionally or physically abuse their children. I do not thnk a BM should feel grateful to a sm who treats the child well. I think that if a BM should be thanked for something they "did" ( staying home to watch a sick skid.. Ect) they should be thanked as a common courtesy by the BF. If they do or buy something for the skid, then they would be thanked by the skid as common courtesy. (New game, an out of the ordinary trip for a ice cream ect) 

With that being said, sometimes you don't realize " who" you are marrying until you are living together. You don't know how your kids are being treated until they come home and tell you they had a great time. So with this, you could also be grateful(thankful) that your ex did not marry a physco who is cutting down your kids without dad knowing, punishing them for what amounts to nothing, or gee maybe (lol) hitting them with a wooden spoon ;) 

soonergirl980
by Gold Member on Jan. 11, 2013 at 1:25 PM

How does SM only having to me kind jump to them being comfortable and happy? Thats a pretty big leap.

Also just because someone is nice to kids does not make them a positive influence in their lives. My BIL is nice to my kids, but he is FAR from a positive influence in their lives. And if a SP basic role is to be "nice" to the kids then why is mom thankful for the ONE thing the SM is supposed to be?

Quoting luckystars2012:

Les you should be thankful, just as you should be thankful for every person who.is a positive influence in your kids lives.

Sms only obligation is to be basically kid and not mistreat them. Anything past that, playing with them, doing activities with them, is not required. Be thankful.there is a Person who is kind to your lids and tries to make them.feel comfortable and happy.


Tillymommie
by Silver Member on Jan. 11, 2013 at 2:38 PM

That statement always makes me wary of the SMs saying it. I can almost hear an undertone of 'I hate my sks and BM should fucking be happy that I am not beating them like I want to'  I know (hope) its just my over active imagination of being a paranoid BM. (I freely admit this)

I agree, you shouldn't have to be thankful for mere niceness (although in these days, maybe we should, there are so many crazies).

Quoting soonergirl980:

But this isn't about a SP doing anything outside of being nice. One time my DS sm took my son to a parade because I thought he would enjoy it and I and DH both had to work (before I was married I worked FT as a single mother). She didn't have to and I told her thank you and I appriciated what she did. Of course gratitude for things they do is a given (assuming those things they do are not crossing boundries of course).

My whole question is based soley on the statement "mom should be nice because dad chose someone nice to the kids" or "mom should be thankful that I am NICE to her kids" lets pretend your DS SM version of nice was only being polite not actually doing anything for him or even nice was just not being plain mean. Would you be thankful just because dad picked someone not mean to your DS.

Quoting jlg12678:

I am thankful that my son has a good stepmom. She does alot for him and I've told her I appreciate what she does many times.

It's funny how far a little appreciation can go....we are conflict free and have been for over five years. Do I have to thank her? Nope. Is it the right thing to do? I think so. I know many disagree, but are their blended family situations conflict free? The likely answer is no.



luckystars2012
by Gold Member on Jan. 11, 2013 at 5:07 PM
As I said. The only thing a sm.is obligated to show sks is basic decency and civility, and to not be mean or mistreat them. Anything further is her choice, and yes you should be grateful the same way you would for anyone who went out of their way to be kind to your child.




Quoting soonergirl980:

How does SM only having to me kind jump to them being comfortable and happy? Thats a pretty big leap.

Also just because someone is nice to kids does not make them a positive influence in their lives. My BIL is nice to my kids, but he is FAR from a positive influence in their lives. And if a SP basic role is to be "nice" to the kids then why is mom thankful for the ONE thing the SM is supposed to be?


Quoting luckystars2012:

Les you should be thankful, just as you should be thankful for every person who.is a positive influence in your kids lives.



Sms only obligation is to be basically kid and not mistreat them. Anything past that, playing with them, doing activities with them, is not required. Be thankful.there is a Person who is kind to your lids and tries to make them.feel comfortable and happy.



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