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been a step mom for 9 years on the side lines now my step daughter live with us and she is 14 with alot of issue

Posted by on Jan. 7, 2013 at 11:53 PM
  • 20 Replies

I have two kids of my own who where raise a lot different then her and now we have to pick up the pieces she has had alot of bad thing happen to in her 14 years

by on Jan. 7, 2013 at 11:53 PM
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Replies (1-10):
meerkat101
by Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 6:19 AM
Good luck!!
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savingtheworld
by Bronze Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 6:43 AM
Aww..that's sad..I have a 15yo..an been thru some difficult times:)
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sassy711
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 7:18 AM

I'd suggest counseling for her depending upon the level/intensity of her issues.

whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 8:28 AM

not much information to go on here.

How involved in her life has your husband been, before she came to live with him?

MOMMY2TWINBOYS4
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 5:30 PM

not a whole lot to go with here... 

but the beginning of your post sounded alot like mine! 13 yo came to live with us... i swear she haters her SB's (Twins)  they were raised differently and we were always involved with them EVERY WEEKEND involved... ours comes to us spoiled and ungrateful, her way or the highway and hell to pay if its not,  she "needs" a lot as well!  

at first we walked on egg shells with the new situation afraid to lose the money we sunk in the case...  then it got to a point where i "blew up" at her AWFUL behavior and told her just HOW THE COW ate the cabbage in our house!  she made a nasty post about step moms and leaving her alone and before I could catch it... the words "you better deal with me cause the last time I checked in the last 5 months I was the ONLY damn mom you got" flew out of my mouth!  I thought for sure she would blow up her moms phone crying for her to come get here and that I was the worst step mom ever and you know what happened??  she walked up to me a few mins after things settled down in our house and with tears in her eyes, threw her arms around me and apologized and told me that she loved me and thank you!!!  

sometime we as parent are AFRAID  to "hurt" our kids feelings... but sometime  with extremem moderation  it just what they need to hear!

talk to her!  open the lines of communication and then shut your trap and listen  you may be surprised what you hear!


good luck!

angirose
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 6:37 PM


Quoting MOMMY2TWINBOYS4:

not a whole lot to go with here... 

but the beginning of your post sounded alot like mine! 13 yo came to live with us... i swear she haters her SB's (Twins)  they were raised differently and we were always involved with them EVERY WEEKEND involved... ours comes to us spoiled and ungrateful, her way or the highway and hell to pay if its not,  she "needs" a lot as well!  

at first we walked on egg shells with the new situation afraid to lose the money we sunk in the case...  then it got to a point where i "blew up" at her AWFUL behavior and told her just HOW THE COW ate the cabbage in our house!  she made a nasty post about step moms and leaving her alone and before I could catch it... the words "you better deal with me cause the last time I checked in the last 5 months I was the ONLY damn mom you got" flew out of my mouth!  I thought for sure she would blow up her moms phone crying for her to come get here and that I was the worst step mom ever and you know what happened??  she walked up to me a few mins after things settled down in our house and with tears in her eyes, threw her arms around me and apologized and told me that she loved me and thank you!!!  

sometime we as parent are AFRAID  to "hurt" our kids feelings... but sometime  with extremem moderation  it just what they need to hear!

talk to her!  open the lines of communication and then shut your trap and listen  you may be surprised what you hear!

 

good luck!

this is a amazing advice....also remember that 14 is a really hard age too regardless of what the poor girl has dealt with ......

good luck!!

macbudsmom
by Silver Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 6:53 PM
Have you and dh not been involved with her previous to this? Why now just getting custody?
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NobleStepMom
by Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 11:47 PM

I had a similar thing happen with my SD last year, I can't remember exactly what we were talking/arguing about but I just said firmly "I am not going to tolerate you speaking to me like that, I have been trying to be a good parent and this is bullshit.  When you want to have a decent conversation like civil people, I will be upstairs"  (not those exact words but you get the point)

About 5 minutes later she came upstairs, sat down on the couch and says "What did you want to talk about?"

My SD has gone through very rough times in her life - Mom was an idiot on drugs, dad was an idiot on drugs, mom sent dad to jail, mom switched guys every month, dad sobers up does good and moves across the country, she comes to live with dad, goes back for first summer visit with mom and mom does drugs in front of her and children's aid takes her and her younger brother away....etc.... a lot for a kid to deal with and this was all seen by the age of 12.  Not to mention remembering going with mom to the foodbank for food, having the teacher bring you a lunch every day in grade 2 because her mom was on drugs and had no food, missing 35 days of school in Grade 5....

Anyways, it has been very difficult at times having to help her struggle through these times.  What did we do?  We maintained stability in our home with her.  We tell her we love her.  We make sure she does her homework and goes to school.  We talk openly about things like sex and drugs and make sure she is educated.  We call her on her shit when she is a brat, but we never stop loving her.  We make her work for her money.  

My point is, despite what has happened in her life before and the sad truths she has been exposed to, you have to provide a loving, stable household going forward and deal with the issues as they come along as a family in your home.  You can't do anything about her mom's family or things that have happened in the past, but you can make an effort now to do what's right by her.  

Quoting MOMMY2TWINBOYS4:

 she made a nasty post about step moms and leaving her alone and before I could catch it... the words "you better deal with me cause the last time I checked in the last 5 months I was the ONLY damn mom you got" flew out of my mouth!  I thought for sure she would blow up her moms phone crying for her to come get here and that I was the worst step mom ever and you know what happened??  she walked up to me a few mins after things settled down in our house and with tears in her eyes, threw her arms around me and apologized and told me that she loved me and thank you!!!  

sometime we as parent are AFRAID  to "hurt" our kids feelings... but sometime  with extremem moderation  it just what they need to hear!

talk to her!  open the lines of communication and then shut your trap and listen  you may be surprised what you hear!



bean3
by on Jan. 10, 2013 at 9:22 PM
When she was 4 1/2 years old while her mom was out party she was rape and from there it just got worst my husband had try to get Custody of her but he lost his x wife has never let go of thinking they would get back together but for the last 10 years she has been with do many men and has told my step daughter that her dad left them and for the last 3 years had just key her go what ever she want and play games with her dad while the mo
Was on the phone knowing would not approved of what she was letting her daughter do this child also was Adopted when she started school she was showed how to act around people how to talk to other children the right way so she became Bullie but by her doing by being out there and what she would say to other children now she is I. High school and still doing everything she can to get attention from kids she want to be friends with she was warring out cloths black hair she started cutting then telling people the last thing she did was have sex cutting and freighting with her mom all the time has can see when u only have a child on the weekend and mom won't let you help raise this is what happens a mass that I have to fix and kids are raise already and our great kids
bean3
by on Jan. 12, 2013 at 3:29 PM
Think it will never end the issue this child has because of her mom I have already raise my kids and taking over a 14 year who was raise so bad that's what's hardy kids are great kids and now I'm fixing her daughter and my husband is still paying child Support when she is living with us
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