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Are the statistics wrong?

Posted by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 8:58 AM
  • 105 Replies

 I'm starting to rethink and even doubt all of the supposed statistics that show subsequent marriages have a higher divorce rate.

Here is why. I think alot of families are created while the parents are just too young to handle the very real task of having to be more mature to make a marriage/relationship work when children are involved. Which is really sad.

I know I am even a product of this. My mom and dad were 18 and 20. They certainly didn't intend to start a family and get married just because they were having young sex at the drive-inn! But, of course they got married and tried. They probably shouldnt have even done that! What a mess. Divorced within a year. And now *I* am the one who is a statistic.

My father and mother remarried later in life. My father has now been married over thirty five years to my SM. My siblings got to enjoy having a nuclear family. They know no other way. I have to say, they are both much more grounded at their age right now than what I was at that age. they just don't seem to have any deep rooted problems that sometimes comes with not only having parents that were too young but then belonging to a divorced family.

I think there would be alot less children growing up to be adults with deep seeded issues if couples waited to procreate till later in life. BC is out there, it just doesnt seem like many are using it or using it effectively.

How many SM's in here are with a man who had children at a young age? Do you think that some of the behavioral problems of these children could be attributed to that?

Do you have more faith in the marriages you have right now because you are older and more mature than when he and his ex started out?

I don't think half the kids who exist today would if BC was just a given. Why? Most of the relationships that resulted in having children  might have really just been a fly by night relationship that was forced into being something it wasn't because of a pregnancy.

Interested to see what you all think of my crazy theory. LOL!

by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 8:58 AM
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Replies (1-10):
twinklebites
by Bronze Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 9:04 AM
1 mom liked this

I dont know I am from an intact family, but used to wish parents would divorce, they fought day and night, they were in their mid 20's when they started a family.

Me on the other hand I have been married 3 times ,yep I make big mistakes, I however only had children with my last XH I was 30 he was 35, I do not desire any more children witch has made dating difficult, I never expect to say I do again Its entirely to scary. I cant inagine the damage I would have done to children had I had them in my 20's I would have been a horrible mother.

Sorry Im not sure if I answered your question.

baparrot2
by Platinum Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 9:07 AM

 

Quoting twinklebites:

I dont know I am from an intact family, but used to wish parents would divorce, they fought day and night, they were in their mid 20's when they started a family.

Me on the other hand I have been married 3 times ,yep I make big mistakes, I however only had children with my last XH I was 30 he was 35, I do not desire any more children witch has made dating difficult, I never expect to say I do again Its entirely to scary. I cant inagine the damage I would have done to children had I had them in my 20's I would have been a horrible mother.

Sorry Im not sure if I answered your question.

 No question really. Just pondering.

twinklebites
by Bronze Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 9:15 AM

Thinking more about it I think any kind of dysfunctional situation can cause harm to a child, its just seen more in divorces. I really believe my parents gave me a shitty look on marriage. I was bound and determined to be a wife/mother that my own mother was not and my late teens and early 20's sucked because of my bad decisions. I think had they been better role models things might have been different for me.

momof2cuteboys
by Silver Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 9:17 AM

When it comes to marriage the hardest period is when you have young children up to when they finally move out.  There is greater demand on a couple during that time.. money, time, out side influences Etc.  

The thing with statistics is that it is a set point when they say 25% of second and subsequent marriages will end in a divorce by year 5.  And that is a fairly new statistic btw.  It isn't a suprising one either.  Look at all the boards that are dedicated to the strife of blended family life.  It is hard to be married with young kids and then add in an ex or a child who doesn't like your spouse or vice versa.  That is a lot to get through so it isn't suprising to me that no matter how old your age people walk away from this difficult life.  

Now I married later in life in hopes that I would not get divorced.  We dated for 6 yrs prior. I thought I did what I needed to protect myself from ever having a failed marriage.  I was wrong.

baparrot2
by Platinum Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 9:18 AM

 

Quoting twinklebites:

Thinking more about it I think any kind of dysfunctional situation can cause harm to a child, its just seen more in divorces. I really believe my parents gave me a shitty look on marriage. I was bound and determined to be a wife/mother that my own mother was not and my late teens and early 20's sucked because of my bad decisions. I think had they been better role models things might have been different for me.

 Yes, and what is the greatest cause of the dysfunction? Well, you have to go back. Why are their more first divorces? Not ready to have a family yet? Too young possibly? Or got pregnant with someone who really would have only turned out to be no more than a few more dates? Still pondering.

 

baparrot2
by Platinum Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 9:20 AM
1 mom liked this

 

Quoting momof2cuteboys:

When it comes to marriage the hardest period is when you have young children up to when they finally move out.  There is greater demand on a couple during that time.. money, time, out side influences Etc.  

The thing with statistics is that it is a set point when they say 25% of second and subsequent marriages will end in a divorce by year 5.  And that is a fairly new statistic btw.  It isn't a suprising one either.  Look at all the boards that are dedicated to the strife of blended family life.  It is hard to be married with young kids and then add in an ex or a child who doesn't like your spouse or vice versa.  That is a lot to get through so it isn't suprising to me that no matter how old your age people walk away from this difficult life.  

Now I married later in life in hopes that I would not get divorced.  We dated for 6 yrs prior. I thought I did what I needed to protect myself from ever having a failed marriage.  I was wrong.

 What I am getting at is really about why the first marriage in the first place. Chances are, the second marriage was really the one you were ready for. KWIM?

leegirl_jm
by Platinum Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 9:21 AM

The statistics aren't wrong but the reasons behind them probably need some examination. The statistics do show that people who marry later in life are less likely to divorce and that is due to maturity, career and financial stability, younger parents have more difficulties in those areas that affect their marriages and parenting. The statistics also say that for subsequent marriages the previous marriage and the involvement of prior children pose a great challenge to those marriages as we have seen in messageboards all over and that is understandable.

twinklebites
by Bronze Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 9:22 AM


Quoting baparrot2:

 

Quoting twinklebites:

Thinking more about it I think any kind of dysfunctional situation can cause harm to a child, its just seen more in divorces. I really believe my parents gave me a shitty look on marriage. I was bound and determined to be a wife/mother that my own mother was not and my late teens and early 20's sucked because of my bad decisions. I think had they been better role models things might have been different for me.

 Yes, and what is the greatest cause of the dysfunction? Well, you have to go back. Why are their more first divorces? Not ready to have a family yet? Too young possibly? Or got pregnant with someone who really would have only turned out to be no more than a few more dates? Still pondering.

 

Unrealistic expectations.  Maturity. No matter what the age.

 Being in the Navy I have seen lots of failed marriages, most could have been saved if both parties were willing to work on it, sadly most don't, most are young but not all. Some never really get to know their spouse before getting married

baparrot2
by Platinum Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 9:24 AM

 

Quoting leegirl_jm:

The statistics aren't wrong but the reasons behind them probably need some examination. The statistics do show that people who marry later in life are less likely to divorce and that is due to maturity, career and financial stability, younger parents have more difficulties in those areas that affect their marriages and parenting. The statistics also say that for subsequent marriages the previous marriage and the involvement of prior children pose a great challenge to those marriages as we have seen in messageboards all over and that is understandable.

 I thought the studies were showing that it was a higher failure rate for the second marriages. But I just dont buy it with so many blended families out there. Seems to me it is the first marriages that are failing. no?

baparrot2
by Platinum Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 9:25 AM

 

Quoting twinklebites:

 

Quoting baparrot2:

 

Quoting twinklebites:

Thinking more about it I think any kind of dysfunctional situation can cause harm to a child, its just seen more in divorces. I really believe my parents gave me a shitty look on marriage. I was bound and determined to be a wife/mother that my own mother was not and my late teens and early 20's sucked because of my bad decisions. I think had they been better role models things might have been different for me.

 Yes, and what is the greatest cause of the dysfunction? Well, you have to go back. Why are their more first divorces? Not ready to have a family yet? Too young possibly? Or got pregnant with someone who really would have only turned out to be no more than a few more dates? Still pondering.

 

Unrealistic expectations.  Maturity. No matter what the age.

 Being in the Navy I have seen lots of failed marriages, most could have been saved if both parties were willing to work on it, sadly most don't, most are young but not all. Some never really get to know their spouse before getting married

 That statement is providing support for my theory.

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