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BM doesn't want me to have any babies..

Posted by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 12:21 PM
  • 81 Replies

So, my DH and I have been thinking about him getting a vasectomy reversal so that we can have a child together, but it's all still in the planning process right now. A week or so ago my DH mentioned this possibility to my SD11 since she had brought the subject up. At first SD was pretty upset, she insisted we should not have a kid because she doesn't want any other siblings and we are pretty sure she was afraid that she would be pushed aside to make room for the new baby. Anyway, DH and her had a long talk about it the other day and yesterday SD did a 180 and told us she now wanted us to have a kid together. Anyway, over the weekend while SD was still upset about it she texted my SD13, who is living with BM, saying "Dad and SM are having a baby!". Well, SD13 took that as I was actually pregnant and that we hadn't told her and she flipped out and thought we we're trying to replace her. So BM called us that night so we could talk to SD13 and we we're able to calm her down and by the end of the conversation she was all for us having a baby. Anyway, when DH was talking to BM, she mentioned that she was worried that if we have a kid that we won't be able to provide as well for their kids (my skids). The crazy thing about that is that, *I* (SM) have been financially supporting her kids for years now while BM has contributed little to nothing. Also, Bm doesn't know much about our finances and truth is, we are doing fine. BM also mentioned that she didn't want the kids to feel rejected and that I should put her kids first because I "married a man with 3 kids". When Dh told me all this I kinda laughed it off but I just can't believe she would say stuff like that, it's not really her business. I know she has no say in this really, but is she right in saying that it would be selfish for me to have my own child?

 

by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 12:21 PM
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Replies (1-10):
sleeblended
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 12:24 PM
7 moms liked this

 No, it's none of her business, and it's not her place.  Her opinion shouldn't have even been heard.  This is a matter between you, your DH, and your SDs, that is ALL.

MomGoingCrazy78
by Lindy Lou on Jan. 8, 2013 at 12:26 PM
1 mom liked this

Hell no she's not right! If you want your own child, then you have every right to have that child (as long as your DH is on board as well! ;) ). Ignore what she says, it's not her life.

soonergirl980
by Gold Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 12:28 PM
5 moms liked this
Which is why you dont involve other people in the discussion especially kids.
girlywifey
by New Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 12:28 PM

My dh ex's tried to tell me the same thing. That he has two kids already and I told her I would not have married him if we didn't discuss having children first. It is none of her business.

sleeblended
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 12:31 PM
3 moms liked this

 As a side note, a little injection of humor, when my DH and I first started dating, my now SD had come to visit and I guess I had put on a few pounds :) so she told her mom she thought I was pregnant.  BM called DH furious asking if I was pregnant.  He said, "yup, with twins!"  :D  I promptly went on a diet.

RigPrincess85
by Bronze Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 12:32 PM
1 mom liked this
Girl I feel your frustrations. BM told me that I shouldn't have children because only SHE should give birth to family for her daughter *rolls eyes* then I was told that it would be too hard on SD to have siblings from a stepmom, that our children will never be as cute as SD and that there is no point in having kids because she already has a half sister and another baby on the way.... Lol. She's crazy. Can't wait for that drama when we do have kids of our own *sigh*

Don't worry about BM OP it's none of her business :)
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Tigress22304
by Ruby Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 12:33 PM

Not her place to say anything. Seriously don't worry about it.

DH and I are thinking about 1 more in a few years-he mentioned it to the kids-to get their opinions-it was shared with BM-she flipped saying it's not fair DH would have more kids without her (never mind the fact she's got 2 kids that are NOT DH's) point is-as long as you and DH can comfortably take care of the kids-who cares what BM says

rocknmom85
by Silver Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 12:43 PM
1 mom liked this

I swear some of these BMs "logic" that their kids SM should not have her own kids is just ridiculous, I don't get how they can justify it to themselves

Quoting Tigress22304:

Not her place to say anything. Seriously don't worry about it.

DH and I are thinking about 1 more in a few years-he mentioned it to the kids-to get their opinions-it was shared with BM-she flipped saying it's not fair DH would have more kids without her (never mind the fact she's got 2 kids that are NOT DH's) point is-as long as you and DH can comfortably take care of the kids-who cares what BM says


Pero1
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 12:44 PM
2 moms liked this

Don't know whether family planning is an appropriate topic between a parent and a child, whether skid or bio, no matter what age.

As for BM ... I can understand why she'd worry, probably a normal reaction. What isn't normal or acceptable is to actually put her worries into words.

KellyReedy
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 12:51 PM
1 mom liked this

Ha, our BM INSISTED hubby have a vasectomy cuz she wanted no more kids!  Even tho their marraige was basically over before SD was conceived. (Oh and BM wanted an abortion!)  Long story, hubby thinks she wanted it to keep HIM from ever having any more kids!  

Now, she's due to get married and skids said they have mentioned having a baby! WOW!  SELFISH!

Didn't stop us. Tried many ways...but have since adopted our now 19 mo old son and in process of adopting his 8 mo old sister!

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