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address it or leave it alone wwyd?

Posted by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 1:11 PM
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This wasn't the original post I wanted to share but I read the BMs hate SM post and it made me be honest with myself......

YES I KNOW WHY BM HATES ME.

But now its like what do I do with this knowledge....do I address it with her woman to woman or just let it go.

The only reason I even care is because she sent DF an email yesterday and he let me read it where she told him that he needs to make a choice, did he want a relationship with his daughter or one with me because he couldn't have both.

I read the email more than once and then add that to all the stuff people constantly tell me she says about me its clear she blames me for him and her not being together (which is stupid as hell)

I'm not going anywhere. Me and him have set our wedding date and we are moving forward with life. I want our kids to have a relationship, I want DF to have a peaceful relationship with his daughter and yes I as SM want to have a relationship with my SD....shoot me.

But because she's so hung up on blaming me that he doesn't want her, it looks like a lifetime of bullshit. And being that I know what the problem is, I'm conflicted as if I should address it with her woman to woman or let it go

Wwyd
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by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 1:11 PM
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Replies (1-10):
twinklebites
by Silver Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 1:14 PM
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I don't think he should have let you read the email, but he did. Why does it matter what she thinks ? any issue that she has with you should between them. Let it go it really isn't about you., any woman in your place she would dislike.

Panda113
by Bronze Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 1:18 PM
Just let it go.
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sleeblended
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 1:19 PM

It's not really a WWYD, it's more of a "What is he going to do?"  My DH got the same email.  They divorced Oct. '08, we met May '09. He got the warning March '10.  He proposed Sep. '10.  He had a rocky relationship with SD since the separation (before Oct. '08, BM had been telling her bad things about her dad).  July '12, SD called DH, said she had figured out that BM had been lying all along, and wanted to come live with us.  He signed legal custody papers in Nov. '12. 

sid1083
by Bronze Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 1:19 PM
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 What would addressing it accomplish? Do you honestly think that she'll magically say "well gee, she talked to me about my issue with her so she's cool." Leave it alone and move on. This is up to your DF to decide how to navigate the relationship with her and how much effort he's going to put into his daughter's life.

jett250
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 1:20 PM
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i would let it go. as long as all of your ducks are in a row, she won't be able to go to court and reverse visitation for dad with his daughter based on the 'i told him to ditch her and he didn't' basis. so let her sit and steam and if it is gonna eat someone alive, let it be her and not you. hope this helps. 

kristinbugg
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 1:28 PM
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I would let it go. Your DF had no business showing you the email. It appears that he enjoys having two women fighting over him. Your DF is a HUGE part of the problem. He got two women pregnant and then ditched one of them and chose to go have a happy family with the other one. I can't say I blame BM for being resentful and mad as hell.
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JalensMommy2012
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 1:52 PM
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He let me read the email because he was extremely upset. She's been acting a fool all weekend (since she found out me and him moved back in together) and when he read her email he almost lost it. I asked to read it and he let me.

But you are right. I never thought about the fact that any woman in my place she would have a problem with. Maybe I do need to stop taking it personally.

Thanks


Quoting twinklebites:

I don't think he should have let you read the email, but he did. Why does it matter what she thinks ? any issue that she has with you should between them. Let it go it really isn't about you., any woman in your place she would dislike.


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JalensMommy2012
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 1:57 PM
Honestly idk. Its not like I would be looking to walk away from our conversation with a new BFF. I just want things to be peaceful, and feel like maybe if she knows that I "understand" her hurt (I don't because she was a willing participant in the bullshit) just maybe she will chill out.

I know I know unicorns and rainbows but at this point its like something has got to give.


Quoting sid1083:

 What would addressing it accomplish? Do you honestly think that she'll magically say "well gee, she talked to me about my issue with her so she's cool." Leave it alone and move on. This is up to your DF to decide how to navigate the relationship with her and how much effort he's going to put into his daughter's life.


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whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 2:02 PM

Let it go.

You may very well end up the "BM" one day, and the next woman might be the SM to your child. 

If I were you I would not worry about BM at all. Don't give her any thought. Let your boyfriend handle her. Tell him you don't want to read the emails that she sends him. I wonder if he likes having you two sister wives fighting with each other over him. I wonder if he got some kind of excitement from showing you that email.

Don't play that game.

JalensMommy2012
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 2:02 PM
I disagree. I for one am not "fighting" over anyone. He showed me the email because he was angry and I asked to see it.

And she is just as much apart of the problem as he is. She knew when she started dealing with him that me and him were engaged and living together. She CHOSE to be his "secret" and now that its over she's a mess and blaming everybody but herself for getting involved with a man who was not available to her....and him.


Quoting kristinbugg:

I would let it go. Your DF had no business showing you the email. It appears that he enjoys having two women fighting over him. Your DF is a HUGE part of the problem. He got two women pregnant and then ditched one of them and chose to go have a happy family with the other one. I can't say I blame BM for being resentful and mad as hell.

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