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Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

Birth mom ...hates Stem mom....just can't let go. eek.

Posted by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 6:36 PM
  • 143 Replies

Let's consider I have been mom#2 since my stepson was 3. He is soon to be 15. I have been verbally and physically assaulted by his mother throughout the years and two such attacks were at the hospital after one of my husbands surgeries (cancer x's 2). Our 3 children were witness' to it and she had the gall to tell our mutual child 'she was only kidding' afterward because he was so shaken. The one and only time I said something nasty to her was 'it's about time you put your big girl panties on' (she has only worked the past four years and was pissed she actually had to get a job and not freeload so much: us/state/her parents). Upon her every move/school change she removes me from his emergency contact list and went so far as getting the school district's att'y involved (way to spend our community dollars) to keep me off of his records/teacher contact (which failed as we have joint legal custody/rights). My husband has no interest in seeing/talking to her unless 'cornered' as she is just plain cruel. Mom is 'K':

On Jan 4, 2013 6:20 PM, "C and D" wrote:

K-

 Please do not schedule or offer Bailey activities over our time and holidays together from here on out.  We are now behind three precious weekends and our New Years together because of that, and your lack of pre-planning around/regarding our time together. He truly should be spending a great deal more time with us as it is.  

Regardless of your feelings, we look forward to that time as do his brother and sister who were devastated he was not with us over New Years - as well as now him not being back tonight for our scheduled weekend together also and the plans we had. 

-D

 -----Original Message-----

From: K
To: C and D
Sent: Fri, Jan 4, 2013 9:11 pm
Subject: Re: Bailey

D-

 Stay out of it! I specifically asked C when we began scheduling the holiday plans that I didn't want to receive a single whining email or phone call from you. It is the same crap every year about how precious YOUR time is and how devistating it is to YOUR family when you don't get YOUR way. Bailey's holiday time doesn't revolve around YOU. It is time for Bailey to share EQUALLY with both families. Now, Bailey has had this trip planned for some time now (over 2 months) and I planned it during New Years because this year was your year for Christmas. I honored that and made sure your time was not taken. Bailey spent the first half of his break with you and the second half with me. That has been the norm for the past few years. We have also been alternating weekends for the past few years so the time is continuous and not split up. That is how C and I planned it this year as well. Alternating is fair for both families and asking for both holidays every other year, just because Mason's birthday falls on New Years, is completely unfair to me. I take precendence...I am Bailey's natural mother...any judge will agree with me on this point. I also fail to see how you think he should be spending more time with you. Again, it is not all about you and your family. It is about Bailey and him getting to spend equal time with ALL of his family. 

 Oh, and lets not get into a child being devastated...Bailey is devastated every year when C can only make it to one of his football games and it's never his first game but always the last!!! C and your family misses out on a lot of Bailey's activities, but you don't see Bailey or I throwing a fit and sending rude, selfish emails. It's time to stop it, D.

 Please don't waste your time replying because I neither want to hear anything else from you nor care about anything else you have to say on this matter. Also, there is no reason to get mad at C either...we were both trying to be fair when we scheduled the holiday time.

 

Good day!  K

 

 On Jan 5, 2013, "C and D wrote: 

 Mom #1-

 New Years was ours this year (odd)- we had Christmas& Eve because you took both last year for your family, etc.. Next year (to make up for this year) and the following (odd) is ours for New Years, K. We can go back to having Bailey until Christmas Eve and then picking him back up several days after Christmas for the next two years.  I do have a say K as I am also his parent and we have to be able to keep some semblance of consistency for all involved, esp. the children. The reasons we cannot make it to many of Bailey's games the past two 1/2 years is because of C's illness' and the distance/cost which YOU put between us by moving 2 hours away. You cannot blame that on us. We are sure Bailey understands that.

And as you just stated, YES it IS time Bailey share EQUALLY with both families~ we've been stating that fact for years: 50/50 you/us.  Glad you finally realize that. Unfortunately, most of our family is gone to be able to enjoy that time with Bailey now but better late than never. 

The weekend of Dec. 21 was ours and the weekend of Jan. 4 (this weekend) is ours. We are now behind three weekends and there is no judge on the face of the planet that is going to agree with your logic and the regular contempt or interference/scheduling/planning of things that you do, over our scheduled time, now and in the past. Not one. 

And if you had planned this trip several months ago you should have discussed it with us then- not called and demanded/stated how it was going to be days before Bailey's winter break to C. He wasn't in front of the calendar to see who had what and why last year or the dates of our weekends (and you knew that). You pretty well just shoved your decision in his/our face once again over the phone.  C told me what happened so I certainly have no reason to be upset with my husband. And we wouldn't want to let down Bailey for a another trip again to the coast with your parents that he was made to look forward to (which should never have been offered/planned w/o discussing it with us well in advance).  

Both sides have joint decision making rights which you regularly/intentionally forget. That is where these troubles with you occur. It isn't okay - that is/always has been your issue: your constant disregard of me (especially) and C's/my decision making abilities and involvement with Bailey, as well as our families'(Bailey's family). Again, not okay. Still not sure why you do it other than spite.

Take a step back for a minute and see that we aren't asking for/expecting anything that shouldn't already be the case without question.

You shouldn't be on the defense- it's a level field with two families wanting the same thing: equal time with our mutual child.

We exist- we are his family which you have just stated he will be spending equal time with now, so we certainly thank you for that. It seems so strange that the simple request of asking that you no longer plan/offer things to Bailey during our scheduled time would cause you to become so upset, so I do apologize for that and again we thank you for finally realizing and agreeing that Bailey needs to be with both sides of his family equally from here on out. We love Bailey just as much as you, K. 

Glad Bailey enjoyed his trip with your parents and you can now understand that his equal time with us is just as important to us as it is with you.

 

Thank you-

 

-Mom#2 and Dad


by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 6:36 PM
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Replies (1-10):
faerie75
by Platinum Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 6:47 PM
3 moms liked this

 i wouldnt insist on calling mysuelf mom #2 with his bio mom if she isnt into it. i also wouldnt communicate with her. thats for dad to do.

the kid is 15. he will be social with his peers/have activities that he woudl prefer to do rather than be at other parents sometimes.

kristinbugg
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 6:48 PM
1 mom liked this
Why are you even involved in this? You are not this child's parent. I don't blame BM for removing you from the emergency contact lisst. As stated, you are not the child's parent, so there is no need for you to be included in educational, medical or other important issues for the child. Dad is the only one who needs, and has the right, to be apprised of any important issues. He can let you know anything you need to know.

You need to back off and realize that this child has two parents: BM & BD. You are neither of those. BM does not need to concern herself with whether SC spends time with you or your children. Visistation is for the child to spend time with his father.
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Ktina11
by Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 6:54 PM
Let your DH deal with it. Communication shouldn't be from you if BM has resentment. You will only come off as starting arguements. And as a SM myself, it really isn't your place. If DH feels this way then let him initiate it.
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newwife1
by Silver Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 6:55 PM
1 mom liked this

Tell me you didn't actually send an email with "mom #2" as the signature.

Why are you even communicating with this woman? Let the 2 parents handle it. You know the mother doesn't want to deal with you, so why agitate the situation?

This is coming from a stepmom only:)

soonergirl980
by Gold Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 6:55 PM
2 moms liked this

You are not mom #2 and you need to stay the heck out of it. You are WAAAAAAYYYYYY out of line.

newwife1
by Silver Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 6:57 PM
5 moms liked this

OH and Bailey is not YOUR mutual child. He is THEIR child. Period.

baparrot2
by Platinum Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 7:01 PM

 I could totally see myself sending back an email like this had you been the one to write me. She sounds tired of the shit.

baparrot2
by Platinum Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 7:03 PM
1 mom liked this

 

Quoting newwife1:

OH and Bailey is not YOUR mutual child. He is THEIR child. Period.

 No wonder this mom has her back up. If she is starting to sound irrational it is because it sounds like her patience is running thin. I would hate for people to judge me on the LAST email I sent were I had just had enough.

Debbie35
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 7:03 PM
1 mom liked this

I am a BM and SM. I agree with these ladys hubby needs to man up and deal with his childs mother. She obviously doesnt want to communicate with you. Leave it alone....

newwife1
by Silver Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 7:05 PM

Signing an email "mom#2" probably doesn't help matters.

If she did sign it that way, she is intentionally starting shit and I don't blame BM one bit.

Quoting baparrot2:

 

Quoting newwife1:

OH and Bailey is not YOUR mutual child. He is THEIR child. Period.

 No wonder this mom has her back up. If she is starting to sound irrational it is because it sounds like her patience is running thin. I would hate for people to judge me on the LAST email I sent were I had just had enough.


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