Birth mom ...hates Stem mom....just can't let go. eek.
Let's consider I have been mom#2 since my stepson was 3. He is soon to be 15. I have been verbally and physically assaulted by his mother throughout the years and two such attacks were at the hospital after one of my husbands surgeries (cancer x's 2). Our 3 children were witness' to it and she had the gall to tell our mutual child 'she was only kidding' afterward because he was so shaken. The one and only time I said something nasty to her was 'it's about time you put your big girl panties on' (she has only worked the past four years and was pissed she actually had to get a job and not freeload so much: us/state/her parents). Upon her every move/school change she removes me from his emergency contact list and went so far as getting the school district's att'y involved (way to spend our community dollars) to keep me off of his records/teacher contact (which failed as we have joint legal custody/rights). My husband has no interest in seeing/talking to her unless 'cornered' as she is just plain cruel. Mom is 'K':
On Jan 4, 2013 6:20 PM, "C and D" wrote:
Please do not schedule or offer Bailey activities over our time and holidays together from here on out. We are now behind three precious weekends and our New Years together because of that, and your lack of pre-planning around/regarding our time together. He truly should be spending a great deal more time with us as it is.
Regardless of your feelings, we look forward to that time as do his brother and sister who were devastated he was not with us over New Years - as well as now him not being back tonight for our scheduled weekend together also and the plans we had.
To: C and D
Sent: Fri, Jan 4, 2013 9:11 pm
Subject: Re: Bailey
Stay out of it! I specifically asked C when we began scheduling the holiday plans that I didn't want to receive a single whining email or phone call from you. It is the same crap every year about how precious YOUR time is and how devistating it is to YOUR family when you don't get YOUR way. Bailey's holiday time doesn't revolve around YOU. It is time for Bailey to share EQUALLY with both families. Now, Bailey has had this trip planned for some time now (over 2 months) and I planned it during New Years because this year was your year for Christmas. I honored that and made sure your time was not taken. Bailey spent the first half of his break with you and the second half with me. That has been the norm for the past few years. We have also been alternating weekends for the past few years so the time is continuous and not split up. That is how C and I planned it this year as well. Alternating is fair for both families and asking for both holidays every other year, just because Mason's birthday falls on New Years, is completely unfair to me. I take precendence...I am Bailey's natural mother...any judge will agree with me on this point. I also fail to see how you think he should be spending more time with you. Again, it is not all about you and your family. It is about Bailey and him getting to spend equal time with ALL of his family.
Oh, and lets not get into a child being devastated...Bailey is devastated every year when C can only make it to one of his football games and it's never his first game but always the last!!! C and your family misses out on a lot of Bailey's activities, but you don't see Bailey or I throwing a fit and sending rude, selfish emails. It's time to stop it, D.
Please don't waste your time replying because I neither want to hear anything else from you nor care about anything else you have to say on this matter. Also, there is no reason to get mad at C either...we were both trying to be fair when we scheduled the holiday time.
Good day! K
On Jan 5, 2013, "C and D wrote:
New Years was ours this year (odd)- we had Christmas& Eve because you took both last year for your family, etc.. Next year (to make up for this year) and the following (odd) is ours for New Years, K. We can go back to having Bailey until Christmas Eve and then picking him back up several days after Christmas for the next two years. I do have a say K as I am also his parent and we have to be able to keep some semblance of consistency for all involved, esp. the children. The reasons we cannot make it to many of Bailey's games the past two 1/2 years is because of C's illness' and the distance/cost which YOU put between us by moving 2 hours away. You cannot blame that on us. We are sure Bailey understands that.
And as you just stated, YES it IS time Bailey share EQUALLY with both families~ we've been stating that fact for years: 50/50 you/us. Glad you finally realize that. Unfortunately, most of our family is gone to be able to enjoy that time with Bailey now but better late than never.
The weekend of Dec. 21 was ours and the weekend of Jan. 4 (this weekend) is ours. We are now behind three weekends and there is no judge on the face of the planet that is going to agree with your logic and the regular contempt or interference/scheduling/planning of things that you do, over our scheduled time, now and in the past. Not one.
And if you had planned this trip several months ago you should have discussed it with us then- not called and demanded/stated how it was going to be days before Bailey's winter break to C. He wasn't in front of the calendar to see who had what and why last year or the dates of our weekends (and you knew that). You pretty well just shoved your decision in his/our face once again over the phone. C told me what happened so I certainly have no reason to be upset with my husband. And we wouldn't want to let down Bailey for a another trip again to the coast with your parents that he was made to look forward to (which should never have been offered/planned w/o discussing it with us well in advance).
Both sides have joint decision making rights which you regularly/intentionally forget. That is where these troubles with you occur. It isn't okay - that is/always has been your issue: your constant disregard of me (especially) and C's/my decision making abilities and involvement with Bailey, as well as our families'(Bailey's family). Again, not okay. Still not sure why you do it other than spite.
Take a step back for a minute and see that we aren't asking for/expecting anything that shouldn't already be the case without question.
You shouldn't be on the defense- it's a level field with two families wanting the same thing: equal time with our mutual child.
We exist- we are his family which you have just stated he will be spending equal time with now, so we certainly thank you for that. It seems so strange that the simple request of asking that you no longer plan/offer things to Bailey during our scheduled time would cause you to become so upset, so I do apologize for that and again we thank you for finally realizing and agreeing that Bailey needs to be with both sides of his family equally from here on out. We love Bailey just as much as you, K.
Glad Bailey enjoyed his trip with your parents and you can now understand that his equal time with us is just as important to us as it is with you.
-Mom#2 and Dad