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My resolution...Long, but I need help sticking to these!!

Posted by on Jan. 10, 2013 at 8:16 PM
  • 9 Replies
1 mom liked this
I'm sick of Using my energy worrying about bm. Unless something goes horribly wrong, df and bm will be finalizing the co that makes df custodial parent and increases the time ss will be in our home to primary. With increased structure in the co, there will hopefully be less frusteration and confrontation from bm.
From now on, I'm making these promises to myself and my family:

1. Not to expect anything from bm- instead of being mad, disappointed, or any other emotion when bm does something that I consider selfish/petty, I'm just going to ignore it.

2. I will not allow myself to feel jealous of bm- I know they had a child together, But my man doesn't want to be with her anymore. He has chosen to be with me :) I will make sure my personal boundaries for the relationship between them when ss is not involved are clearly defined. (no calling just to chat about things that do not affect ss, no inappropriate touching -sounds stupid but this has been an issue in the past) I will make sure these are communicated and understood. I vow to act like a reasonable adult if I feel these boundaries are crossed !

3. I will quit expecting bm to live up to my standards- people make different choices. Just because bm has chosen to live differently than we do doesn't make her wrong. Just different. And that's ok.

4. I will focus on what I have control over and being there for ss in any way I can. I will accept that there are strengths that I have and can share with ss. I will assist dad in helping him with homework, making sure he eats his veggies, and teaching him right from wrong and how to be a good person.

5. Most of all, I promise to do everything i can to make ss feel welcomed, cared for, and special in our home. After all, He is a part of this crazy family that I love :)

If I fail to comply to any of these resolutions that I've made, call me out please!!!!!! I really want to work on this because the negativity doesn't do an single bit of good!!!!
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by on Jan. 10, 2013 at 8:16 PM
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Replies (1-9):
kellynh
by Kelly on Jan. 11, 2013 at 10:24 AM

Step # 1

Did you write them down and place them in an area you can view daily? :) 

bertaboo1
by Silver Member on Jan. 11, 2013 at 10:55 AM
Wow...can I print these for myself as a reminder? Love this
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247beachbumz
by on Jan. 11, 2013 at 11:43 AM
1 mom liked this

U go girl n good luck good

dawnnamarie
by Silver Member on Jan. 11, 2013 at 12:34 PM
I'm thinking about printing a couple copies!! It'll help to see them !!

Quoting kellynh:

Step # 1

Did you write them down and place them in an area you can view daily? :) 

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
dawnnamarie
by Silver Member on Jan. 11, 2013 at 12:34 PM
We'll see! I'm just sick of being angry and disappointed :)

Quoting 247beachbumz:

U go girl n good luck good

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dawnnamarie
by Silver Member on Jan. 11, 2013 at 12:36 PM
Sure!!! If you wanna try too, feel free :) glad I could help !

Quoting bertaboo1:

Wow...can I print these for myself as a reminder? Love this

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
EmilyJ604
by on Jan. 11, 2013 at 3:55 PM

Very very good resolution.... I also struggled with the same things when I first became a step mom but once you realize your husband is with YOU for a reason and not HER it helps!! The most important thing to me was making sure that I treated all our children equal and loved them all the same...and I used the kill the ex with kindness it really works

dawnnamarie
by Silver Member on Jan. 11, 2013 at 5:31 PM
I appreciate you sharing this!

I'm very new to this whole sm situation. My parents have been married for 33 years- neither had been married previously. I was just never around it, so it's been a challenge. Now that they're finally getting a more stable and inclusive co, i really expect to finally be able to have a more hamonious adult relationship with bm and to keep he out of DF and my relationship as much as possible. we've had countless battles with bm over issues that simply weren't defined in the co. I know common sense goes a long way, but DF and bm don't communicate well. At all. But we're also working on that... And DF and I have fought over me thinking he lets bm take advantage of him. So I'm putting a stop to the bs this year :):)


Quoting EmilyJ604:

Very very good resolution.... I also struggled with the same things when I first became a step mom but once you realize your husband is with YOU for a reason and not HER it helps!! The most important thing to me was making sure that I treated all our children equal and loved them all the same...and I used the kill the ex with kindness it really works

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EmilyJ604
by on Jan. 23, 2013 at 1:50 PM
1 mom liked this

OMG I feel the same way sometimes....Crap that the ex pulls wanting my husband to do its ridiculous...I get frustrated but take a deep breathe and cool down lol

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