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what to do

Posted by on Jan. 11, 2013 at 7:47 AM
  • 13 Replies

I am the SM to 2 teenage boys . I also have a girl and boy.let me give you some background first. My husband and I met 6 yrs age. I knew he had kids which is fine. The boys grandmother has them because BM uses drugs,drinks, and will not provided for them. My husband does not have to pay CS for them because the BGM does not ask. But If the boys need anything he would get it for them. We only dealt with BGM. Then about 2 years BM shows up and starts causing trouble with us. She would call and expect my husband to jump at what ever she says. she has brainwash the youngest SS to believe that what ever we tell him is a lie. She has lied to him about things about his father and when he would ask us and we have proof she lied he would say we were still liers and BM is always right.  So My husband finally told BM to Stop calling our house because she don't have the boys we don't  have to deal with her and for her to leave is alone. Last Christmas'11 BM called starting her drama again. So I told her to stop calling and to leave us alone. I change our number. my SS can still get ahold of us but she cant. Because we did that she told the boys they can't come to our house. The oldest SS is 17 since the drama he has came over once before christmas'12 the youngest we did not hear from him till Christmas'12. Both SS came over at Christmas'12 and we haven't heard from them since then. My husband said its because of BM But i believe they are just using us. I understand that they have life's of their own but we ask them to get ahold of us once a week just to know how they are doing. and gave them a way to do it so the BGM can't complain about that. I Just don't know what to do

by on Jan. 11, 2013 at 7:47 AM
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Replies (1-10):
DDDaysh
by on Jan. 11, 2013 at 11:33 AM
3 moms liked this
Considering that their dad clearly wasn't interested in raising them, I don't think you can expect much gratitude from them. Leave the situation alone, it is between him and his sons.
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shanlee42
by Silver Member on Jan. 11, 2013 at 10:17 PM
Sounds like your DH should have done more to see his children in the past. The problems in their relationships are probably because he didn't step up years ago.
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saywhat2102
by Gold Member on Jan. 11, 2013 at 10:21 PM
Really????? o_O
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JacyB
by Bronze Member on Jan. 11, 2013 at 11:49 PM
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You're husband was a shitty parent to his sons. Why would they want to see anyone who has behaved the way he has? He brought this on himself and frankly, they don't owe him a phone call or anything else.
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momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Jan. 12, 2013 at 12:13 AM
Why isn't your husband raising his sons?
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kristinbugg
by on Jan. 12, 2013 at 1:55 AM
This.

Your husband isn't financially supporting his children because no one ASKED him to??? REALLY???


Quoting DDDaysh:

Considering that their dad clearly wasn't interested in raising them, I don't think you can expect much gratitude from them. Leave the situation alone, it is between him and his sons.

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Emyles
by on Jan. 12, 2013 at 3:54 AM
Honestly what has been posted to you is true! You can not ask much from the boys when Dh hasn't been there. The boys are with Bm's parents so of course she can still get that time with them. It wouldn't have mattered what bm told the boys if dh would have been there like he should have or even raised them himself. Especially the 17yr old, he is old enough to have made his own mind up if dh had been there for them A LOT MORE!!

If dh was unable to raise them in his home than he should have raised them with the grandparents. Like getting them EVERY WEEKEND, going to all or most school events, buying all their needs or at least give grandparent a set amount every month. Doing this would have shown the boys dad really cares and not have giving bm lies any weight. But since dad wasn't there like that bm lies carry likes of weight with the boys, mainly because her parents have them and she probably see them more.
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stressmom123
by on Jan. 12, 2013 at 7:55 AM

My husband did get them everyother weekend when the boys wanted to come over. As for CS the BGM didn't ask because BM would have to pay too and she can't. But like i said if the boys needed anything he got it for them and if they need money he gave it to them.  The reason he wasn't apart of their livesbefore  is because the BGM wouldn't let him see them.  She hates my husband because he left BM.  

stressmom123
by on Jan. 12, 2013 at 8:08 AM

as for DH not raising the kids. BGM and BM had the kids removed from his care when they were 4 and 5. Dh fought to get them back but child services said it would be better for them to stay with BGM. Because there was 2 people in the home. he thought he was doing the right thing for the boys. Because he didn't want  them to see him and their mom fight everytime one would pick the kids up. he thought a middle party would be best for the boys.

DDDaysh
by on Jan. 12, 2013 at 3:43 PM
If he had bothered to really try, he could have filed for custody and probably would have gotten it if he hadn't waited too long. He wasn't really interested in fully stepping up and his kids know it. Trying to blame this on anyone other than himself just shows he's too immature even now for his kids to take him seriously.

Quoting stressmom123:

My husband did get them everyother weekend when the boys wanted to come over. As for CS the BGM didn't ask because BM would have to pay too and she can't. But like i said if the boys needed anything he got it for them and if they need money he gave it to them.  The reason he wasn't apart of their livesbefore  is because the BGM wouldn't let him see them.  She hates my husband because he left BM.  

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