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If you had the ability:

Posted by on Jan. 11, 2013 at 8:27 AM
  • 23 Replies
What one positive comment or suggestion would you make to SM or BM.
One negative comment:
Would you choose to be "friends"

BM and I have never spoke, put me down in every way without knowing me, at all. She lives 6 hours away. I have never spoke poorly of her and have always praised her intellect and being as well as success to her son...my SS, who I raise as my own 24/7. I am also a BM and. My son has a SM, I thanked her and friend her in speaking with my son. Unfortunately my sons are the same age and have to see these same roles so differently. In the long run, I pray I have impacted both my children in a positive manner. My DH and I have a son together younger than the two older by 8 years, who views this. We try keeping as much of the "extended" relationships to a minimal understanding. Right now he just knows both brothers have another mom and dad that they go to visit.
CafeMom Tickers
by on Jan. 11, 2013 at 8:27 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Pero1
by on Jan. 11, 2013 at 8:42 AM
1 mom liked this

To BM: I would suggest that she attends counselling. She had a tough upbringing, which has now resulted in having no contact with her adult DD. I think she'd have to work through her issues that stem from her childhood.

To SM: Take your children (not BF's) and run!

SavesSpiders
by on Jan. 11, 2013 at 8:43 AM
2 moms liked this

Mine would be "Think about the kids before you act and try to do the right thing."  

My biggest regret is that I never met my SK's BM.   I kept requesting to meet her - so she could at least know that the woman living with her kids was a decent person.  She refused to meet me for rather selfish reasons, and now she's passed - so there's nothing I can do about it.  The kids tell me all the time "I wish you met my mom."  so I just reply "I wish I did too."  Sometimes we don't know if an opportunity will be our only opportunity, so my advice is really to think about the kids before you act and then try to do the right thing by them.



whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Jan. 11, 2013 at 9:12 AM
1 mom liked this

To BM, I have two comments:

1. Thanks for paying half (or a third) of the extracurricular costs for your  kids. I know it isn't easy for you, and you really don't have to do it (according to CO), so I really appreciate that you've always contributed a fair share of the EC costs.

2. I admire the fact that you have always made an effort to attend your kids' EC events, even when they were far away and even when it was expensive for you to do so (had to stay in hotel for example).

To SM: thanks for being nice to my kids. They speak highly of you, which means you must be nice to them. And I appreciate it very much.

sandeeyo
by Le Bonjour Chat on Jan. 11, 2013 at 10:06 AM
2 moms liked this

To BM:  Thank you for not being difficult about the girls' visitation schedule.  You're almost always agreeable to switch up schedules with DH when he has things to do and you don't ever ask DH if *I* can cover you if he can't.  We have our troubles with you and you with us, but in the grand scheme of things it's not a big deal and we always manage to get back on track after a disagreement.

To SM:  Thank you for not being an "overstepper" when concerning my son's care and leaving it up to your DH to figure out.  At first you had your nose in EVERYTHING that didn't concern you, but you figured out fast that it wasn't your business and you let your DH handle everything.

whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Jan. 11, 2013 at 10:08 AM


Quoting sandeeyo:

To BM:  Thank you for not being difficult about the girls' visitation schedule.  You're almost always agreeable to switch up schedules with DH when he has things to do and you don't ever ask DH if *I* can cover you if he can't.  

This applies to my stepkids' mother too. She is very agreeable about switching. 

SassyMom25
by Silver Member on Jan. 11, 2013 at 10:48 AM

BM: You could be a better mom if you put all the bullshit behind you and started focusing on what is best for all the kids, not what you want at the moment.

You are a horribly selfish person who is screwing up a lot of the values your children will hold when they get older. No respect for relationships or education. No sense of home or being a productive member of society. (Which I suppose are her choices to make, but only hurting her kids in the long run)

I would never be 'friends' with BM. We are civil, on my end it is purely for SS10s sake.

pepper504
by Gold Member on Jan. 11, 2013 at 11:22 AM

To BM: Counseling would do you wonders.

To SM: There isn't one anymore :)

momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Jan. 11, 2013 at 11:25 AM
To Sm: Dd says you are a good cook. Thank you for helping to open her taste buds. Oh and you have great hair.

No we could never be friends.
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Javamom00
by Member on Jan. 11, 2013 at 9:29 PM
Lol thanks for sharing post. It's nice to see that all our sm and BM don't always see everything one way. Good luck to all of you!!
From where I stand: all situations are do different, life is not perfect, but great for all of US who can try to make good situations out of difficult ones:)
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Seychelles1409
by Silver Member on Jan. 12, 2013 at 12:01 AM

To BM I would suggest that she not have told the children they didn't have much (financially) when, in fact, my DH provided very well for their children.  It was her fault that she chose to use all of the CS as her entire income because she was too lazy to get a job and support herself.  The CS instead supported her and helped support her new husband, pay her car payment, mortgage, and everything else.  If she had worked as she should have, the CS would have paid for both children's car payments, name brand clothes, and everything they could possibly have wanted or needed.

Friends?  No, neither me or my DH would be comfortable with that, but BM did friend me on FB and reluctantly I agreed to that rather than cause ill relations.  I actually don't think that much togetherness is appropriate or healthy.

Positive comment for BM?  Hmmm?  Well, she has mental problems so that's kind of hard, but SD does adore her so she must be okay in some ways.  

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