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Question to SM that are also BM

Posted by on Jan. 11, 2013 at 10:29 AM
  • 15 Replies

Question for SM that are also BM.  Does your DH ex see your kids and vice versa Does your ex see your skids.  Here is my question skids have an event coming up at their school and I thought it would be fun to bring my DD to this.  Now the skids will be going with their mother so that is my only issue.  If it was on SO time I wouldn't think twice about it.  Now I have been with SO for over a year and we don't have any kids together.  Now and SD and DD are only 2 months apart so get along very well together.  SS also gets a long great with DD.  My thing is BM we don't get a long with she trys to make life more difficult by all the stupid games she plays and uses the kids as pawns to hurt SO.  DD has never really seen or met BM I think maybe once for less than 5 mins.  So I am not sure I want to expose BM to DD.  I don't know what BM will do she might take skids and leave the event and then skids might not get to have fun.  I mean 1 time last summer DD and I were going to go to this pool in the town we live in and SO called kids on the way to work and skids said they were getting ready to go to the same pool that I was going to take DD to.  SO said hey look for SM and DD because they are going there too.  So I thought it would be fun but BM doesn't really get along with me.  Well BM ended up taking skids to a different pool and her excuse she told the kids is that other pool was too busy.  It wasn't busy at all she just didn't want to see me or DD.  Now if the situation was reversed and SO was taking skids to DD school event and he knew exh/BD he would not bring skids because exh is an abusive person and just an a-hole that SO hopes that his kids never have to meet my exh/BD.  Which I totally understand.  Now I understand that there are some families that all get along together so get together for holidays and birthdays etc.  I hope to someday be there but I don't think it would ever happen I know it won't with my exh and don't think it will with BM.  So I am just looking for advice or ideas of how others handle this. 

by on Jan. 11, 2013 at 10:29 AM
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by on Jan. 11, 2013 at 10:42 AM
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BM has taken my son out with her, along with her son, when the boys were little. Sort of like a play-date kind of thing.

My ex once offered to take my stepkids when he came and picked up our kids to take them to a movie. They were unable to go at that time, but it was nice of him to offer.

by Gold Member on Jan. 11, 2013 at 11:02 AM
I don't see anything wrong with taking your kids to the event if BM is the kind of person that won't go out of her way to be nasty to them. As for the pool incident, I would avoid going to a place like that if I already knew BM was going to be there. Especially a pool. In fact, it bothers me to be in the same state as
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by Platinum Member on Jan. 11, 2013 at 11:12 AM
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I avoid going anywhere BM is going to be.  I've ran into her at the grocery store once.  I ignored her existence.  It further aggravates her, but whatever.  She's not worth MY time. 

My ex, DH and I have sat together at DD15's things when DH does go with me.  It's no big deal. 

If you want to go, go.

by Platinum Member on Jan. 11, 2013 at 11:22 AM
Why don't you have your dh ask her if she would mind?
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by Silver Member on Jan. 11, 2013 at 11:23 AM

I think unless you are friends it is a bad idea. I wouldn't want to hang out with SM now.  I am a former SM though and I was/still am friends with BM so I wouldn't mind hanging out at the pool with her.  But sometimes I think the bigger picture is maybe the other parent needs some time with their kids and not have you guys cutting in on that.  Not saying that is your intention but it can be felt that is what is happening.  BM and I had to work through that in the beginning and we were friends.  Sometimes she just wanted to go do mom and son stuff with her son.  It wasn't personal.  

by on Jan. 11, 2013 at 11:28 AM
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Warning: this may sound weird to readers lol. My exh and I are friends. We don't do holidays every other year, we split them (ie. He has Christmas Eve, I take him overnight to Christmas, Thanksgiving I have him for our family stuff, then hehas a later dinner with dad. His birthday party is a joint one every year. We realized early on in our separation that we have no reason to hate each other, and that although we weren't good at being married, we are both good parents. And its been a cake walk ever sense.
My boyfriend and I have lived together for over a year and a half now, I have two skids. They love my exh and he loves them. We do so much as a family, that he is kind of like an uncle to him. He loves my bf and how well he treats his son. This past summer, all three kids spent the night at my exh, he watched them. So the bf and I could get out (he knows we rarely get to lol)
The skids invite them to their birthday parties, he always accepts. We never do the park-in-the-driveway-go-on-and-get out thing for drop offs, we always end up hanging out at least a half hour lol. We have picked him up Sundays and had dinner waitinbg for our whole family, and because he is all alone we have invited him for dinners on holidays and such.
I don't think it should be considered strange for your skids to be exposed to someone just because of their title. If there are no problems and that person is kind to them, why limit the amount of positive influence they are allowed to have in their lives? With my skids now being such a big part of my and my sons life, and his dad is obviously always going to be a part too, it just makes things easier that they do get along lol. At least that is my reasoning lol
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by on Jan. 11, 2013 at 12:12 PM
My situation is a bit different. Just a warning! I had my kids first with dh when were young. We broke up and married different ppl. He had three more kids. Then they got divorced and we got back together. So bm knows my kids she was there sm. But she still doesn't like my kids and doesn't want anything to do with them. She likes to pretend that they don't exist. Which is fine with me since my kids don't like her anyway. But she can't stop me from bringing my kids any where since we have custody of my skids.
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by on Jan. 11, 2013 at 12:21 PM
I'm a sm to 3 kids and bm to 4 kids. My exh and I do alot together. When my step kids are visiting they have spent time with my exhubby. The kids all get along just like us adults all get along. Heck my one step son can't wait to play video games against my ex when he comes to visit.
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by Krystal on Jan. 11, 2013 at 1:03 PM

 BM loves my kids, she thinks they're adorable. I would have no issue leaving my kids alone with her, we also try to sit together at all of the events we attend. Christmas 2011, she sat with my daughter for an hour or so during breakfast just braiding her hair and held a conversation with my son and her youngest son about pokemon. lol My stepsons are 21yo and 19yo, my kids are 9yo and 4yo. :)

by on Jan. 11, 2013 at 5:11 PM

I attend all my skids events whether bm is there or not. She is a very selfish and childish character. But I go to show my support to the skids and just ignore the bm. I aslo bring my ds7 with me.

Now my xh on the other hand. Outside of our parent teacher conferences we do for ds7. I wouldnt do anything with him, nor would I exspect me dh or skids to either. Xh is bipolar and impossible to be around. I hardly stand him for the 10-20 pta meeting......sad but so true.

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