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Weekend visitiation during sports. What do you do??

Posted by on Jan. 11, 2013 at 5:20 PM
  • 32 Replies

My DD is 12 years old. Her father moved 3 hours away about 6 years ago. She is in school sports and a traveling softball team. Some times her activities occur during her fathers weekend, especially her softball tourneys that will be starting this spring. Her father is complaing about the time that he will miss with my DD while she is participating in these sports. I have never told him that he could not come to her practices or games. I have always told him when they are what time and where. He chooses not to come. My daughter really wants to participate in these sports and I always tell her that there may be times that she will miss with her Father. I kind of feel bad and that I am doing something wrong because he complains about not being able to get my DD. But again, he chooses not to pick her up or even to participate. He has also told my daughter that if something happens on his weekend then she can not participate. With her traveling softball team she has to be at every practice and every game no exceptions (unless it is health related). Now mind you, he was supposed to pick up DD today for his weekend but then texted me and said he can't because he doesn't have enough money for gas. This happens quit a bit. I am angry at myself because he makes me feel guilty about all of this. What do you do in situations like this?

by on Jan. 11, 2013 at 5:20 PM
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KellyReedy
by on Jan. 11, 2013 at 5:25 PM

When skids lived here, BM came for weekend cuz her mom lived in town.  When they moved in with her and 2 hours away, weekends became a night shorter due to practice late Fridays.  Games Saturday.  So we'd go to games then bring them here.

Blend in!

MomGoingCrazy78
by Lindy Lou on Jan. 11, 2013 at 5:27 PM

It's his weekend, so ultimately it's his choice if she plays in the tournament or not. If he chooses not to take his visitation (like he did this weekend) then that's his choice, not hers. She can always talk to her dad about it and see what he says and she can ask to participate.

Your DD is 12, the CO still has to be followed IF BD wants it followed.

With my kids, they have sports on the weekends my ex has them. They talk to him and then him and I come up with a schedule on who's taking/picking up, etc.  If he says no, then they can't play that weekend. Simple as that.

Now as they get older with school sports, I know it's only going to get worse about playing on weekends and following a CO. Maybe the 3 of you should discuss it and maybe be willing to bend a little and switch weekends or whatever?

faerie75
by Platinum Member on Jan. 11, 2013 at 5:28 PM
Ignore him. I don't feel guilty when my kids rather do something else than go with dad because this is what he earned by not doing for them when they were little. I do encourage them but if they don't want to, how is it my fault? I NeVER bad mouthed him and ALWAYS made the kids available.



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KellyReedy
by on Jan. 11, 2013 at 5:29 PM

And...since they are getting older and might start school sports, we might not be able to make all games because of distance (bm is one who chose to move away). But if the kids want to do sports then that's how it is.

Lslk
by on Jan. 12, 2013 at 10:55 AM

Heres the problem. In the state i live in the Parenting Time Guidline says "In exersising parenting time with a teenager, the non-custodial parent shall make resonable efforts to accomodate a teenager's participation in regular academic, extracurricular and social activities." We have nothing in our decree about this so I have been going by what the Guidline says. My daughter did talk to her Dad about this Traveling Softball team. That is when he told her that on his weekends he will not take her to practice or games, she has to spend the time with him. I have a lot of problems with this because before she  tried out for the team I had told him about it and let him know that if she gets on the team that I did not know when practices were or when games are because they did not have that scheduled yet. He still agreed that she could be on the team. He did however say that he was worried about when he would get to spend time with her. But when she is with him he does not spend much time with her (ofcourse this is said to me from my DD) and her Dad never picks her up anymore, when he does get her he always sends his new wife which I see as rediculous because it is a 3 hour drive and that could be his chance of really getting to know her.


I guess I'm just worried that my DD will have a hard time participating in anything because of her Dad. I don't think it is fair to her at all. She is not the one who moved 3 hours away from her Dad, he choose to do that. She is not the one who got the divorce, her dad and I did. I do understand that he needs to spend time with her and vice versa but if he is saying things to her like "when your with me I will not take you to practice or your game, you will just have to miss it." now then what am I to expect when she is in High school and she has more friends, more sports, more of a active life? I don't know how to deal with this without feeling guilty that it is my fault.

Quoting MomGoingCrazy78:

It's his weekend, so ultimately it's his choice if she plays in the tournament or not. If he chooses not to take his visitation (like he did this weekend) then that's his choice, not hers. She can always talk to her dad about it and see what he says and she can ask to participate.

Your DD is 12, the CO still has to be followed IF BD wants it followed.

With my kids, they have sports on the weekends my ex has them. They talk to him and then him and I come up with a schedule on who's taking/picking up, etc.  If he says no, then they can't play that weekend. Simple as that.

Now as they get older with school sports, I know it's only going to get worse about playing on weekends and following a CO. Maybe the 3 of you should discuss it and maybe be willing to bend a little and switch weekends or whatever?


saywhat2102
by Gold Member on Jan. 12, 2013 at 11:24 AM
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If he wants to see his daughter then he can get off his butt and go watch her play!! Sports are awesome for kids! My stepson loves football my husband and I plan our weeks around it. We love to see him play and he loves seeing us there. I think ec 's are just a part of growing up :-)

She is not going to be a happy camper if she can't play. The childs needs and wants come before any adults butt hurt feelings...
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tottaxi
by on Jan. 12, 2013 at 11:47 AM
1 mom liked this

IMO, if he objects enough he will file contempt charges against you for violating the CO.  Until he does that (somehow I don't get the feeling he will) just continue doing what you are doing:  informing him of her schedule.  You have to plan your schedule around her games, so can he.

Lslk
by on Jan. 12, 2013 at 12:10 PM

I whole heartedly agree with this. Her Dad does not see the confidence she gets from softball. She has been playing softball since she was 5 years old and he has only been to one game. When she told me that her Dad had told her that she would not be able to go to her practice and/or games, she was on the verge of tears. I truely feel that I have done everything that I can to keep him informed of her sports at the same time I feel like I should do more. I know that is something I have to get over it's just kind of hard when I have to see my daughter upset because her Dad does not even try to be involed with her school life or outside activities. He is only about himself and what he gets to boast about to his family and friends.

Quoting saywhat2102:

If he wants to see his daughter then he can get off his butt and go watch her play!! Sports are awesome for kids! My stepson loves football my husband and I plan our weeks around it. We love to see him play and he loves seeing us there. I think ec 's are just a part of growing up :-)

She is not going to be a happy camper if she can't play. The childs needs and wants come before any adults butt hurt feelings...


Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Jan. 12, 2013 at 12:14 PM

SD has never done sports, and probably never will. With her special needs it's very unlikely that she'll ever be able to. However, DH and I are looking into different programs for differently abled kids.

I can see both sides to this though. If one parent only gets to see their child EOWE it's not really "fair" to them to schedule things on their time. However, the other side is that the child shouldn't have to miss out on "normal" childhood things because their parents are no longer together.

I'm very thankful this isn't an issue for us, as I doubt BM would be as understanding about things on her time.

Lorena
by Bronze Member on Jan. 12, 2013 at 12:16 PM
We have it n our Co that she is to bring them to there sporting events on her weekends. That means she is also to pay for them to participate that weekend.
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