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Hello & Thank you!

Posted by on Jan. 12, 2013 at 5:46 PM
  • 15 Replies

Today is my first time here! I have been browsing the posts & gaining new information & knowledge. It's comforting to see so many others with the same thoughts, concerns, stressors & goals. 

I have a wonderful fiancĂ© that is on board with making the most of our blended family of 5 children, 8,9,10,12,13. He's very supportive & we parent with similar style. 

We are currently battling his 13 yo daughter who not only is trying to be her mothers best friend, but going through puberty. She is such a disrespectful little girl, we are really struggling.  We have been together for 2 years, & it seems to be getting worse. 

Her jealousy over me & my 2 daughters, 9&10,  is overwhelming.  I think she could be a sweet girl if she knew we weren't replacing anyone & no need to compete for her daddy's love.....he has plenty for us all.  We are simply 3 extra people in her life here to love her. 

Thank you for allowing me to stalk this board the last few hours! I hope to gain some insightful, first-hand information to make our blended family functional. 

by on Jan. 12, 2013 at 5:46 PM
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Replies (1-10):
amonkeymom
by Amy on Jan. 12, 2013 at 5:53 PM

Welcome to the group!  So glad you're here.

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Jan. 12, 2013 at 5:55 PM

Need more information.

Can you describe what you mean by "she is trying to be her mother's best friend?"

Who has custody, and what is the parenting time arrangment?

How long have you been dating your boyfriend? Do you live together? for how long?

What is she doing that is "disrespectful?"

TwoRoses
by on Jan. 12, 2013 at 6:15 PM

Her & her mother have become best friends.  BM talks to her like an adult. Adult information not appropriate for a child.  A very immature 13yo. Her mom is trying to be a good mom, but neither have many friends, so they just have each other. 

As for her disrespectful behavior, she tells her dad she just needs him for financial reasons.  She begs to stay with her mom, but her mom doesn't want the kids full time, so she will stay & make everyone miserable. Incessantly complains. Uses bad manners, talks about others, etc. basically behavior I don't condone from mine.  DF tells her sh will be respectful or she won't be allowed back. 


We have been together over 2 years. They have joint custody. She has the kids probably 60-70% of the time. We live together most of the time. He lives 4 doors down, so he stays at his house when his kids are with him. But we all eat as a family & do most things as a family.  We are purchasing another home to house us all.  But I am delaying until there is more harmony. 

Thank you for listening. Any feedback is much appreciated. 

soonergirl980
by Gold Member on Jan. 12, 2013 at 6:19 PM


Quoting TwoRoses:

Her & her mother have become best friends.  BM talks to her like an adult. Adult information not appropriate for a child.  A very immature 13yo. Her mom is trying to be a good mom, but neither have many friends, so they just have each other. 

As for her disrespectful behavior, she tells her dad she just needs him for financial reasons.  She begs to stay with her mom, but her mom doesn't want the kids full time, so she will stay & make everyone miserable. Incessantly complains. Uses bad manners, talks about others, etc. basically behavior I don't condone from mine.  DF tells her sh will be respectful or she won't be allowed back. Hmm I wonder what would happen if every parent just kicked their teenage kid out because they are "disrespectful".


We have been together over 2 years. They have joint custody. She has the kids probably 60-70% of the time. We live together most of the time. He lives 4 doors down, so he stays at his house when his kids are with him. But we all eat as a family & do most things as a family.  How much time does your bf spend 1 on 1 with his kids without yours? We are purchasing another home to house us all.  But I am delaying until there is more harmony. 

Thank you for listening. Any feedback is much appreciated. 


whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Jan. 12, 2013 at 6:27 PM


Quoting TwoRoses:

Her & her mother have become best friends.  BM talks to her like an adult. Adult information not appropriate for a child.  A very immature 13yo. Her mom is trying to be a good mom, but neither have many friends, so they just have each other. 

The relationship between SD13 and her mom may not meet your approval, but that is between the two of them. Why does this bother you? Is it really your business?

As for her disrespectful behavior, she tells her dad she just needs him for financial reasons.  She begs to stay with her mom, but her mom doesn't want the kids full time, so she will stay & make everyone miserable. Incessantly complains. Uses bad manners, talks about others, etc. basically behavior I don't condone from mine.  DF tells her sh will be respectful or she won't be allowed back. 

Your boyfriend is going to kick his 13yo daughter out of the house because she has bad table manners? Is that what you are saying? I am confused - why is he not teaching her to behave better? does he think children learn to behave all on their own?



TwoRoses
by on Jan. 12, 2013 at 6:55 PM
1 mom liked this

I don't care what kind of relationship she has with her mother. However, it directly effects her relationship with her dad. Financial information isn't appropriate for children.  Her mother gets a very large settlement check monthly & implies she can't afford to live thanks to her father. She is developing strong animosity between father & daughter. 


Yes, he certainly can refuse to allow her to come over until she's more respectful. Her behavior improved shortly there after. He's just going to continue to be a disciplinarian & consistent. She's old enough to make the decision to stay with her mother. He wants more support from her BM in parenting & disciplining. 


He probably spends 50-75% of his time with them without me. 

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Jan. 12, 2013 at 7:02 PM


Quoting TwoRoses:

I don't care what kind of relationship she has with her mother. However, it directly effects her relationship with her dad.

That's really for her and her Dad to work out.

Financial information isn't appropriate for children.  Her mother gets a very large settlement check monthly & implies she can't afford to live thanks to her father. She is developing strong animosity between father & daughter. 


Yes, he certainly can refuse to allow her to come over until she's more respectful. 

I think THIS is the most likely reason why the father/daughter realtionship is failing. Not because of anything mom is doing.

TwoRoses
by on Jan. 12, 2013 at 7:07 PM

Thanks for the feedback. 

savingtheworld
by Bronze Member on Jan. 12, 2013 at 7:32 PM
1 mom liked this
I also have a big blended family, an we have the same issues..our rule is if u can't follow our rules then don't come! Also bc theres so many of us, husband an I do go to counseling, to work on our selves an different parenting skills that work in blended families..we've been married for 2 1/2 years..an were getting better:)


Quoting TwoRoses:

Her & her mother have become best friends.  BM talks to her like an adult. Adult information not appropriate for a child.  A very immature 13yo. Her mom is trying to be a good mom, but neither have many friends, so they just have each other. 

As for her disrespectful behavior, she tells her dad she just needs him for financial reasons.  She begs to stay with her mom, but her mom doesn't want the kids full time, so she will stay & make everyone miserable. Incessantly complains. Uses bad manners, talks about others, etc. basically behavior I don't condone from mine.  DF tells her sh will be respectful or she won't be allowed back. 


We have been together over 2 years. They have joint custody. She has the kids probably 60-70% of the time. We live together most of the time. He lives 4 doors down, so he stays at his house when his kids are with him. But we all eat as a family & do most things as a family.  We are purchasing another home to house us all.  But I am delaying until there is more harmony. 

Thank you for listening. Any feedback is much appreciated. 


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TwoRoses
by on Jan. 12, 2013 at 7:43 PM

Savingtheworld......thank you for your reply. 

I have suggested we all go to counseling. So we will probably give it a try. I am happy to hear things are getting better for you!

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