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Disrespectful- Adult step-son with kids

Posted by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 10:22 AM
  • 3 Replies

I would appreciate any feedback that anyone can give me to help me, as I have been going thru this turmoil off and on since 1999 when I married my husband. My husband who is in his early 60's has a 30+ year old son who has a diagonosed mother with Mental issues. When my husband and I were dating for 2 years this son had a girlfriend whom he married and you only heard from him when he wanted something. He was married from 2000 and divorced in 2009 which are when the real issues began. From 2000 to 2009 he and his wife had 2 kids which in my opinion, should not have had as they never quit partying and I also understand were into "swapping". When one of the kids was borne, the child had a severe birth defect that needed immediate attention or the child would never walk. My husband begged me since I am in the health field to get the child into a seciality hospital which I was able to do with the help of 2 dear friends. The cost of all of this was probably in the millions, the son/wife ever thanked my friends or me for this care. Throughout this time period, his son and spouse would never meet us anywhere on time, never were availabe to help us with anything or asked unless they were paid, told us what to buy for birthdays/Xmas and on 2 occassions, had birthday parties and never told us the location. In 2009 the son divorced and things have gotten worse for me. The son comes to our house even when his father is not here, walks into the house without knocking, he/ he his kids go into our refrigerator getting things out without asking, brings other women to our house to eat without asking, and the list goes on and on. I have gotten to the point that I feel sick when I hear his name and do not want to be in his presence. After a very bad accident last year whereas I was incapciated for 4 months, not able to work, the step son did not once call or send a card to inquire how I was. He has a dark heart and mistreats his father as well but he refuses to see it and blames me for not "trying to get along with his son". When I married his father after 2 years of dating, and if I would have known that things would be the way they are now, I may not have married at all. I am miserable and since my life threatening accident last year, I have very little toleration for games. This son is a user and manipulater who is now using the grandkids to also further his games. I really do not like him in my house and surely do not want to ever visit his whenever he does get one. By the way, his wife took everything he had, including their house. At this recent Xmas, the son/grandkids were suppose to be at our house to eat between 11-12noon, then called stating he was not going to be here till 1pm and finally it ended up being 3:30pm supposedly due to traffic. My family  was here at the time from the West Coast, whom I only see once a year, and this behavior of the son just set me off! It ruin the whole day and because I got upset about the 3:30pm arrival my husband got upset with me. Everything the son does seems to be "ok" and my husband just not want to get what is really happening. At this point I do not want to be involved with son and really do not want him in the house as he is just a disrespectul snot. Can someone please let me know how to help handle this or at least your opinion as it is unbearable!!             

by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 10:22 AM
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Replies (1-3):
amonkeymom
by Amy on Jan. 14, 2013 at 2:13 PM

Welcome.  I'm sorry you're dealing with these issues.

If your husband won't listen to your thoughts/feelings on this, maybe it's time to try counseling. 

sandeeyo
by Le Bonjour Chat on Jan. 14, 2013 at 2:26 PM
Keep all the doors locked even when you're home so he will have to knock. If he has a key, change the locks.

But if you're DH doesn't care that he does that, then you really don't have much of an option or say.
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Lunatic6997
by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 2:59 PM

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I feel as if you are writing about my life. I've been married to my DH for almost 18 yrs. ss has the same attitude as yours and DH always defends his actions and blames me for not being able to have a relationship with him! Feel free to message me if you like. Hugs to you!! 

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