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We did it. We ignored the s*** out of BM.

Posted by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 10:52 AM
  • 7 Replies
1 mom liked this
She texted last night about "oh I think I know what [SS] was talking about..." (the ring around the wiener thing) Then she made up this conversation between SS and DH. Like she was there or something. DH is real paranoid when it comes to BM so he assumed she was making up a story so that DH would just be relieved and agree and then she could be like "gotcha".

Anyways, I kept reminding DH not to text her back (because yes, we tend to fuel the fire whether it's intentional or not). He didn't. We read her texts as they came in. Neither of us could do a damn thing on our phones for over an hour because she was blowing them up. "I know youre seeing these. How dare you ignore me." She switched out of mrs. nice girl mode straight back to the same accusations. She threatened to come over her. But she never did. I'm sure she layer awake at night being pissed that she didn't get a rise out of us. It was very stressful while it was happening. Just like the times we respond. But after she stopped we just went about our lives. And not feeding into her shit, it did wonders for the rest of our evening. It was hard for DH not to respond because he feels the need to defend and explain himself.
He decided the other night that he wants to try and get full custody. But I know that it is one of the most difficult things to do. And this scheam here isn't enough to do that right now.
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by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 10:52 AM
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Replies (1-7):
WifeyC
by Platinum Member on Jan. 14, 2013 at 11:34 AM

Ignoring is always best.

Why does he want to get full custody?

sassy711
by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 12:25 PM

Documenting of all the texts will help him in court....Print out everything BM texts to either DH or you, but make sure any replies you make are not inflammatory.

Miss-tearious
by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 12:37 PM

I have the hardest time with DH ignoring her, because I feel like if he doesn't respond he is almost admitting to fault. Like one time BM said that DH masturbated in front of the kids, she said he did it before they were divorced and separated. It was an outright lie and she knew it. But she knows he shows me texts he gets from her and was hoping I'd run for the hills. I was SO mad at her! And how could DH not defend himself and tell her it isn't true?

Sometimes it is easy to ignore her and DH takes pleasure in doing so. She likes the fighting and she gets his attention... So if it is something small he ignores her, but if it something big he will at least defend himself, or me, depending on who she is attacking ATM.

Sunivondea
by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 2:01 PM
He feels that she may be emotionally or mentally damaging SS. Like she is putting these thoughts in his head.

Quoting WifeyC:

Ignoring is always best.

Why does he want to get full custody?

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faerie75
by Ruby Member on Jan. 14, 2013 at 2:03 PM

 good job! now KEEP DOING IT. i swear most of the time things improve if you refuse to engage. not ALWAYS but most of the time.

pepper504
by Platinum Member on Jan. 14, 2013 at 2:40 PM

Ignoring is the best thing and sadly, she can tell SS anything that she wants.  It has to be proven/documented by professionals that she is emotionally abusing SS.  Even THAT is hard to prove. 

progressandjoy
by Gold Member on Jan. 14, 2013 at 2:54 PM

I remember the first time we ignored BM.

She started texting an hour after picking SS5 up from our house. We were in the middle of a movie, trying to relax, when the phone started buzzing off the hook. Then our babysitter (who worked for all of us) called, complaining that she'd been receiving texts for the past hour. DH finally had an epiphany and realized ‘we just need to ignore her'. We started a rule that at 9:00pm DH shuts his phone off.

We only had to ignore her two or three times before she caught on. She doesn't blow up DH's phone anymore because she knows he'll just shut his phone off, and then we'll have documentation of her going into a pointless frenzy.

Sometimes it can be really hard to ignore, but try your hardest. We just remember that documentation goes both ways. We were always worried about responding in a way that could, eventually, come back to hurt us in court. Now that we ignore her, we don't have to worry how a judge might take our response.

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