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Stepson issues and its breaking me down

Posted by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 12:39 PM
  • 22 Replies
I am a mom of 3. (2 bio and 1 ss) I used to have a great relationship with my SS but slowly over this past year things have drastically changed. His BM has neglected him for most of his life and he used to say he "hated" her and would tell me that he wished I was his real Mom and so on. He is 11years old and I have been in his life for 3 years. He lately has been fighting with his father and since last Tuesday decided he wanted to live with his Mom because he "hates" me and his Dad. I'm at lost of what to do. I've have rules and expect him to follow and chores for him such as clean dishes, take out trash and keep room clean. He used to love me and tell me that too. He used to be affectionate and caring towards me but now it's all hate and I feel the hate. I've started avoiding him and letting his father do the discipline. Now he hates his dad to and choose to live with his mom, the person he said he Hated and wished wasn't his real mom. All I've done is been there for him. I love my SS and I want to fix the relationship but how??
This has caused a lot of tension between his dad and I and I'm afraid that he will start to resent me because his son hates is both. What to do??
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by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 12:39 PM
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Replies (1-10):
DDDaysh
by Bronze Member on Jan. 14, 2013 at 1:13 PM
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Well, this is normal. Kids used to say they wanted to run off and join the circus. That's basically what your SS is doing.

Don't let "I want to live with mom" be any more emotionally charged than "I want to join the circus!"

Kids alway get difficult as they hit puberty. Let dad be the disciplinarian, but encourage him to read some books on adolescent parenting, or go to some seminars or lessons so he can make sure his skills are sharp. Then sit back and ignore the teen tantrums.
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amonkeymom
by Amy on Jan. 14, 2013 at 2:16 PM

Yep, I agree with this.  It's totally normal.

Quoting DDDaysh:

Well, this is normal. Kids used to say they wanted to run off and join the circus. That's basically what your SS is doing.

Don't let "I want to live with mom" be any more emotionally charged than "I want to join the circus!"

Kids alway get difficult as they hit puberty. Let dad be the disciplinarian, but encourage him to read some books on adolescent parenting, or go to some seminars or lessons so he can make sure his skills are sharp. Then sit back and ignore the teen tantrums.


pepper504
by Platinum Member on Jan. 14, 2013 at 3:09 PM
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Quoting DDDaysh:

Well, this is normal. Kids used to say they wanted to run off and join the circus. That's basically what your SS is doing.

Don't let "I want to live with mom" be any more emotionally charged than "I want to join the circus!"

Kids alway get difficult as they hit puberty. Let dad be the disciplinarian, but encourage him to read some books on adolescent parenting, or go to some seminars or lessons so he can make sure his skills are sharp. Then sit back and ignore the teen tantrums.

This.


Charli627
by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 9:06 PM
Yeah what she said
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macbudsmom
by Silver Member on Jan. 14, 2013 at 11:02 PM

I think this is fairly common with kids of divorce.  I know it sucks but hang in there and when ss sees his mistake welcome him back. 

notuseless
by Bronze Member on Jan. 15, 2013 at 8:17 AM
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welcome to the wonderful teen years... i warn you they are filled with hormones, girl friends, fights, hormones... and for the next 5 to 10 years your darling angel will be a walking stomach filled with hate and only thinking about his next meal, what he can get away with, and girls.

sassy711
by on Jan. 15, 2013 at 2:25 PM

To almost all kids of divorce, at some point in time, the grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence.  He could be doing this for attention, because he misses his mother, or because it's a full moon.  DH should sit down with his son and find out the reasons (not excuses) why SS wants to move back with BM.  Also suggest to DH that he and SS go to counseling to get to the bottom of this if a sit down discussion doesn't work.  BTW, be careful, because sometimes kids will play that back and forth game to avoid discipline or responsibilities.  Good luck

YesImMomToo
by on Jan. 15, 2013 at 2:45 PM
1 mom liked this

Help him pack his backpack.  Thats what my parents did when I said I wanted to run away. He is doing the same thing. 

But no really Dad needs to sit him down and get to the root of the problems or do it through counseling. Dad does need to step up and tell him that isn't an option (if it isn't) so as a family we need to work through this and follow through.

HopesNDreams
by Silver Member on Jan. 15, 2013 at 2:51 PM
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SD15 is moving out, according to her. Senior year of high school, she is getting a HOUSE with her boyfriend. She doesn't work and has no money. Oh to be young and know everything!

The extra fun part of her delusion is that she runs out of the house yelling and screaming that we are hurting her. Two weeks ago, she called the police because we were 'abusing' her - we took away her kindle and tried to keep her from running away by holding her arm. She was devastated when the police told her that abuse and discipline were two different things and she has no choice but to live here (BM is dead) until she is 18. I think she thought they would lock us up and drive her to her boyfriend's house complete with flowers and candles for a romantic evening.

Teenagers are complete experts in subjects they know nothing about.
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rebeccasmly
by on Jan. 15, 2013 at 5:35 PM
This is good advice.

Quoting DDDaysh:

Well, this is normal. Kids used to say they wanted to run off and join the circus. That's basically what your SS is doing.



Don't let "I want to live with mom" be any more emotionally charged than "I want to join the circus!"



Kids alway get difficult as they hit puberty. Let dad be the disciplinarian, but encourage him to read some books on adolescent parenting, or go to some seminars or lessons so he can make sure his skills are sharp. Then sit back and ignore the teen tantrums.
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