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Disciplining step kids

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I guess I think I'm fair when it comes to disciplining my 2 step kids, but my husband thinks I'm going over board. If any stepmoms have advice Please Help!

by on Jan. 16, 2013 at 8:52 PM
Replies (21-30):
1lv2stks3nlz4ev
by Member on Jan. 17, 2013 at 1:10 AM

 I don't discipline her. If her father is not home, she is to go sit on her bed until he is home. That was discussed and agreed on by THEM. When he gets home I discuss the issue with him and he deals with the discipline. Having said that we have only have one issue in 5 years where I have had to send her to her room. It was established at the beginning of our "family" that when Dad is not around she is to listen to me and not be disrespectful. I expect the same of my son to my DF. 99% of the time we have no issues with our kids anyway and they listen well.

PoplarGrove
by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 1:12 AM
2 moms liked this

No, she does need to apologize.  She over reacted.  Kids need to know that adults make mistakes too and the best parental modelling is to do what you would expect them to do, which, I hope, is apologize.  "I'm sorry.  I over reacted.  Please try and keep your pens and markers up high enough so the 2 year old can't get at them.  I really liked that picture and it really upset me when I discovered it was ruined"  sure seems like the right thing to say to me.  

OP, I sometimes over react when my little ones do something that could have been avoided if my older ones hadn't left something out or open but you have to remember they are just kids too and it's not their fault they have younger siblings.  

Quoting t_creanskisa:

throwing them away was over kill. but do NOT say you're sorry for it. get them out of the trash after the kids go to bed and put them up.  leave only one small set out and they all have to ask you before they can use them and have to put back one before they can have another. and move or put away anything you don't want drawn on lol you have a 2 year old pens call to them  


AnnaNonamus
by Member on Jan. 17, 2013 at 1:25 AM

I would say it sounds like you are punishing your step kids for something your son did. It was an ink pen. It wasn't like your step kids were the ones who did it. Annoying? Sure. But having them throw out every writing utensil they had because you weren't watching your 2yo at the time of the crime, is excessive.

Out of curiosity, did your 2yo get into trouble over it?

Quoting 20below:

My husband and I have a 2 yr old boy together. He has full custody of his kids. Tonight as I was dusting pictures I noticed that on a big picture collage of our 2 yr that we got when he was like 3 months old that there was a red pen scribbles all over it! I know that it was our 2 yr, but I also know that he had found that red pen sitting by the computer that was my step daughters pen that I have been telling her to put away so our 2 yr old wouldn't get it and mark things like that. So anyways I told her and my stepson to go down to their rooms and find all their pencils, pens, markers, etc. and throw them away! I have gave them a lot of warnings that if their going to have them in their room thats fine, but keep them up so their little brother wouldn't get them. My husband said that I was in the wrong and better get all the pencils, pens, etc. out of the trash and give them back and apoligize, because its everyones fault even his and mine! So I did


sweetgrlangel
by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 2:51 AM

why would up punish your stepson, when it wasn't his pen in the first place?  i can see taking all of your step daughters for like 2 or 3 days but to throw them away, thats a little extreme.   Even with my own kids, I just take them and put them up for a while.  They can only have a pencil if they have to do homework.

Quoting 20below:

My husband and I have a 2 yr old boy together. He has full custody of his kids. Tonight as I was dusting pictures I noticed that on a big picture collage of our 2 yr that we got when he was like 3 months old that there was a red pen scribbles all over it! I know that it was our 2 yr, but I also know that he had found that red pen sitting by the computer that was my step daughters pen that I have been telling her to put away so our 2 yr old wouldn't get it and mark things like that. So anyways I told her and my stepson to go down to their rooms and find all their pencils, pens, markers, etc. and throw them away! I have gave them a lot of warnings that if their going to have them in their room thats fine, but keep them up so their little brother wouldn't get them. My husband said that I was in the wrong and better get all the pencils, pens, etc. out of the trash and give them back and apoligize, because its everyones fault even his and mine! So I did


 


tazlover01
by Member on Jan. 17, 2013 at 3:16 AM

My husband and I agree on how to discipline the skids. When my SS's lived with us there was no option not to be a disciplinarian with them because I was home with them most of the time. But I had a SM and she was really fair and that's how I try deal our kids. Firm but fair.

chanizen
by Platinum Member on Jan. 17, 2013 at 7:08 AM
I agree. When there isn't an exact line up, you can:
1). Accept it
2) leave
3). Ask for change from dh in his approach
4). Ignore it and try to do things your own way

I would suggest #3 and choose to do it slowly


Quoting Troubleswife:

I would not advise disciplining them more strictly than their parents or if your DH doesn't support it.



Quoting 20below:

I guess I think I'm fair when it comes to disciplining my 2 step kids, but my husband thinks I'm going over board. If any stepmoms have advice Please Help!


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nurbabe82
by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 8:11 AM

 I was thinking the same thing.

Quoting PoplarGrove:

ya, that's going overboard.  I have  kids and would never make my older ones throw out their writing utensils because their younger sibling wrote all over something.  Teach the 2 year old not to write on things.  When he does have him help you clean it up every time.  Blaming his older siblings on things he does is going to teach him to blame them as he grows up and at 2 he's old enough to start learning that.  And their rooms should be THEIR rooms.  Their little brother should be taught not to go in there or they should be given locks for their doors.  

Quoting 20below:

My husband and I have a 2 yr old boy together. He has full custody of his kids. Tonight as I was dusting pictures I noticed that on a big picture collage of our 2 yr that we got when he was like 3 months old that there was a red pen scribbles all over it! I know that it was our 2 yr, but I also know that he had found that red pen sitting by the computer that was my step daughters pen that I have been telling her to put away so our 2 yr old wouldn't get it and mark things like that. So anyways I told her and my stepson to go down to their rooms and find all their pencils, pens, markers, etc. and throw them away! I have gave them a lot of warnings that if their going to have them in their room thats fine, but keep them up so their little brother wouldn't get them. My husband said that I was in the wrong and better get all the pencils, pens, etc. out of the trash and give them back and apoligize, because its everyones fault even his and mine! So I did

 

 

mrswillie
by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 8:19 AM


Quoting 20below:

My husband and I have a 2 yr old boy together. He has full custody of his kids. Tonight as I was dusting pictures I noticed that on a big picture collage of our 2 yr that we got when he was like 3 months old that there was a red pen scribbles all over it! I know that it was our 2 yr, but I also know that he had found that red pen sitting by the computer that was my step daughters pen that I have been telling her to put away so our 2 yr old wouldn't get it and mark things like that. So anyways I told her and my stepson to go down to their rooms and find all their pencils, pens, markers, etc. and throw them away! I have gave them a lot of warnings that if their going to have them in their room thats fine, but keep them up so their little brother wouldn't get them. My husband said that I was in the wrong and better get all the pencils, pens, etc. out of the trash and give them back and apoligize, because its everyones fault even his and mine! So I did

Yes, you were too hard. First you made your step son help step daughter when it was step daughter who left the pen out. Second you made stepson throw all his pens, markers, etc away again because what step daughter did.

Personally, I would have first written on something of step daughters in pen. Then I would have made step daughter gather all the pens, etc and give them to me. I would have put them in a gallon zip bag and made the children ask for them when they wanted them.

SP_Mama
by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 8:46 AM

I discipline SS in the same manner I do DS.  Time outs, taking things away, etc.

achapman
by Bronze Member on Jan. 17, 2013 at 9:08 AM

Sounds like you freaked out on your stepkids for your 2yr olds bad behavior. Did your 2yr old get talked to and told that its not ok to write allover things?? I realize he is just 2 but they understand more then you think.

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