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Disciplining step kids

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I guess I think I'm fair when it comes to disciplining my 2 step kids, but my husband thinks I'm going over board. If any stepmoms have advice Please Help!

by on Jan. 16, 2013 at 8:52 PM
Replies (41-50):
by Silver Member on Jan. 17, 2013 at 10:39 AM

Yep way overboard!!!  What punishment did your son get?  What punishment did you get for not watching your child?

Quoting 20below:

My husband and I have a 2 yr old boy together. He has full custody of his kids. Tonight as I was dusting pictures I noticed that on a big picture collage of our 2 yr that we got when he was like 3 months old that there was a red pen scribbles all over it! I know that it was our 2 yr, but I also know that he had found that red pen sitting by the computer that was my step daughters pen that I have been telling her to put away so our 2 yr old wouldn't get it and mark things like that. So anyways I told her and my stepson to go down to their rooms and find all their pencils, pens, markers, etc. and throw them away! I have gave them a lot of warnings that if their going to have them in their room thats fine, but keep them up so their little brother wouldn't get them. My husband said that I was in the wrong and better get all the pencils, pens, etc. out of the trash and give them back and apoligize, because its everyones fault even his and mine! So I did

by Silver Member on Jan. 17, 2013 at 10:44 AM

So if you watch him so well, how did he have the time to scribble all over your large collage of pictures???

Face it, you messed up.  You do need to apologize or least acknowledge to the skids that you were at fault as well etc  etc

Quoting 20below:

 Ok, I do watch him very well! I know that when he is quiet, I go check on him! He his also very smart and can move our kitchen chairs that are higher chairs then normal and reach things! Even though one day a week i'm home with our 2yr old and I am usually cleaning I watch him very good and actually most of the time he is in the same room as me and sometimes helping me clean!

by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 10:50 AM

We have one set of rules for all of the kids in our home. It doesn't change for my bonus daughter. When she's here, she follows the same rules, gets the same rewards, and gets the same consequences. My DH allows me to discipline my bonus daughter just as I do our three together. The consistency in our home prevents any sort of resentment from any of the kids because of being treated differently.

BUT, I will say, that making them throw away all of their pens, pencils, etc is a bit much. The 2 year old got the pen and colored, not the older kids. Maybe come up with a system (drawers? boxes on a shelf?) where they can put their supplies, so that the 2 year old can't get them. It's not on the older kids to keep an eye on the little one, and while they have been told to put pens away, sometimes kids forget.

marinesfeeding babyteen girltoddler boytoddler girl
Proud momma of 4 kids, three of my own and one who didn't grow in my belly but has taken over my heart!

by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 10:51 AM

How do you disipline them? My husband does for my kids and I think he is great at it.

by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 10:52 AM

The bio-parents should have a say in how step-parents parent..

A couple need to try their best in working together when it comes to parenting.

by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 11:05 AM

 When it comes to household rules and consequences there should be no separation by family position or title. The rules are what they are and the consequences are what they are. All follow the same rules and receive the same the consequences. My SD's knew what our rules were and what consequences would be applied for breaking them even though they didn't live full time in our house. They followed the same household rules our bio-child followed.

As far as this specific over reacted and probably out of annoyance. All members of the family were negligent and the outcome was a 2yr old doing damage. The 2yr old deserved a punishment and a lesson on what is and isn't appropriate to write on, you learned your lesson in not leaving him alone, and you and DH should have used the opportunity to make a organizing system for the Skids to follow to avoid this happening again.

by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 11:31 AM
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I think all the kids need to have the same set of rules. This is obviously hard since your ds is only two and younger kids obviously don't have the same problems as the older ones. How old are your stepkids? I do think your punishment was harsh, although I understand your reasoning. I also hope you punished your ds because he is the one that did something wrong. It's very easy to have sibling rivalry and you don't want your stepkids hating their brother because he is treated beter then them (not saying he is but you need to remember how kids see things).

Also, you ladies need to remember how easily a child can do something. Maybe he did it while mom was in the bathroom or cooking dinner.

by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 11:34 AM

You would have to discuss with dh what he thinks is fair. Those are HIS kids. 

by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 2:09 PM

I can't say you're over the top in general, as we only have this one example to go by. But, in this one example, yes, you definitely went overboard.

1. You obviously took your eyes off your 2 yr old at some point, for him to be able to do this. This is not a bad thing, we can't watch our kids 24/7. It happens. But you have to accept that because of that, you do bear some responsibility in the fact that he did this.

2. Your 2 yr old should face some sort of discipline for this. The most obvious, logical discipline would be for him to help you clean up the mess, while you explain to him why what he did was wrong and that he shouldn't do this again.

3. You punished step son by making him throw away his stuff, too. HE didn't do anything wrong, if the pen was step daughters, as you say. That, in itself, was wrong. You don't punish a child for things they didn't do.

4. Throwing away all the pens, pencils, etc. is a huge overreaction. You would have to pay to replace it all, anyway, so ultimately, it's really only punishing yourself. But even setting that aside, it was just a ridiculously over the top reaction. More appropriate would have been to take away step daughters (or if absolutely necessary, all of them) and put them up where the children have to come to you to get them and return them to you after use. This requires you taking some responsibility as well, but that's part of parenting - doing things that require more of us in order to help our kids grow up into responsible adults.

I agree with your husband, in this case at least, that it wasn't a fair punishment. So, if this is your typical method, then I agree with him that you do go overboard. Perhaps in the future, it would be a good idea for you to take some time and calm down before disciplining, so you can think rationally and assign an appropriate punishment for the crime.

by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 2:22 PM

I don't think stepkids should be treated any differently really. I wouldn't punish my stepkids in any way I don't punish my own. I'm pretty strict on my kids. I probably would have done the same thing that you did. My oldest bio child is 6, and my youngest is 4 and autistic, if my oldest leaves something out that I told him several times not to leave out I will take it away. For example, my baby is lactose intolerant, but my oldest loves chocolate milk, after several times of telling him to stop leaving his milk where the baby could get it, I took chocolate milk priveledges away from him.

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