Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

Advice for the future

Posted by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 7:41 PM
  • 17 Replies
Hi all :)
I am new to this site & well @ being a step mom in general, now I'm not technally a step mom quiet yet but I can see myself being one (legally) some day with the man I'm with & his 2 year old little girl :) now I am a mom of a teenage boy whom I gotta tell ya is the bessssssst kid ever lol he's so wonderful I couldn't be more blessed with a teen, whom happens to have a step mom who i get along great with, she respects him, loves him & most importantly keeps him safe, but being a step mom I've noticed is one of the toughest things I've yet to experience. Any how sorry to babble on, my step daughter is two & her parents only communicate through emails after a battle in court the mother is the most difficult person I know & she does it all out of spite ive seen email & how she is just so bitter & evil. Now she does not know of me yet, we decided to keep that to ourself until we move in together I guess after my long story I'm seeking for advice on how to deal with her that I don't let her consume me in general the stress the arguin etc. helppp!!
Thanks :)
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 7:41 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
RMCmata
by Member on Jan. 18, 2013 at 11:31 AM
1 mom liked this
I'm a fairly new sm as well, I have a 10 yr old ss. My dh and I have been married just under a year now and bm is......lets say DIFFICULT! Dh and bm only communicate via email as well because bm tends to go off on rants. I will say this....its sooo not easy and it can consume you IF you allow it. The one thing I very recently realized is that when bm goes on the attack I can't take it personal. Bottom line is bm isn't going to like anyone who is with my dh and is help raising her son (dh has full custody). What gets make through it all is my amazing relationship with my ss. Dh and my ss a re who matters. No one else. You can't allow her evil to consume you or your relationship with your future dh or sd.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
RMCmata
by Member on Jan. 18, 2013 at 11:38 AM
1 mom liked this
Your SO needs to be your biggest supporter as well as you his. Oh and my advice..... avoid talking about issues with bm to friends and family. Only seek advice from people who will not "fuel" the fire it only makes things worse and could start problems with you and SO.... I learned the hard way.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
WifeyC
by Platinum Member on Jan. 18, 2013 at 11:39 AM

Why should you be a secret?  If BM is really the way you describe she will only be worse if you suddenly move in with her child.

pepper504
by Platinum Member on Jan. 18, 2013 at 12:17 PM

It is only going to get worse once she finds out of your existence.  Do not get involved unless it involves you, if even then.  Pick and choose your battles.  Let the BD deal with BM. 

As a SM, I do not acknowlege BM.  She is a moot issue.  Drives her crazy as she tries to get a rise out of me, but she never gets it. 

As a BM, I got along with now exSM. 

Newbie-SM
by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 12:27 PM
Thnks so very much it does help reading the advice, & ur right bout talking bout the BM to family it does light the fuel & I don't like when I'm stressed. Thanks again
shanlee42
by Silver Member on Jan. 18, 2013 at 6:35 PM
She definitely has a right to meet you if you are going to be around her child. Hopefully she will see you like you see your DS's SM. Just remember that in the end she and your SO are the ones that need to work it out.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Hsweetooth
by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 8:01 PM
Read the book "No One's the Bitch"
I'm so serious... It was life changing for ME... Then the wonderful happy life sprinkles trickled onto my husband, step daughter & eventually it led to sd8's mom & I meeting for coffee & things have changed dramatically for the better ever since...still have the occasional bump in the road... But I expect it...two ex's have to deal with each other regularly. The book will help YOU deal with stress & this crazy step mom life.
Newbie-SM
by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 8:07 PM
Quoting Hsweetooth:

Read the book "No One's the Bitch"
I'm so serious... It was life changing for ME... Then the wonderful happy life sprinkles trickled onto my husband, step daughter & eventually it led to sd8's mom & I meeting for coffee & things have changed dramatically for the better ever since...still have the occasional bump in the road... But I expect it...two ex's have to deal with each other regularly. The book will help YOU deal with stress & this crazy step mom life.



Thanks I'll read the book :)
destiny83
by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 8:44 PM

Just don't get involved with BM. For now. Do your duty of whatever that might entail with treating SK right. That is you're only responsibilty. And also-don't make moves under the cover of night. It will seem shady. She may be shocked but will have to accept, not necessarily gracefully, but better than acting like you did something wrong or being a coward. 

Newbie-SM
by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 9:14 PM
Quoting destiny83:

Just don't get involved with BM. For now. Do your duty of whatever that might entail with treating SK right. That is you're only responsibilty. And also-don't make moves under the cover of night. It will seem shady. She may be shocked but will have to accept, not necessarily gracefully, but better than acting like you did something wrong or being a coward. 




Thanks for the advice :)
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)