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any advice on how to deal with an impossible woman? (long)

Posted by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 10:19 PM
  • 29 Replies

my hubby and I have been together almost 7 years. He has two children with his ex wife. His ex wife is a complete pshyco. My hubby is an ARMY veteran, he was medically discharged, deals with PTSD among other things, and he is currently unemployed and we are living with my father while we work on my hubby's getting into schooling and such to get into another career. His ex wife causes us so much stress all the time. she is CONSTANTLY texting him and telling him how horrible of a father he is and on and on and she contradicts and is hypocritical of everything she says. if shes not texting shes leaving awful voicemails, if its not voicemails its emails, if we block her she stalks us through xbox, if we block that she starts all over by going through friends and family of hers to use different numbers or profiles that we also end up having to block. after like 7 years of this its finally gotten my hubby to the point that he has an appt set up to see a therapist because he just cant deal with her toxicity. he cant just ignore her because they have children together and of course he wants to be part of their lives. she lies to their kids and has even had the CHILDREN leave horrible messages before, but when we see them the kids are all sunshines and rainbows. she is always yelling at me and about me, she calls me everything you can imagine, she refuses to let her kids acknowledge my existence, - but she has never even met me! she refuses to, and has even told me "i do not have to get along with you" etc. etc. i dont understand it ?? i have never tried to make her kids call me mom or even stepmom, they just call me by my name. I have never talked ill about her around their kids and even when she had her 6th child with her 5th baby daddy this past october, i congratulated my stepkids on their new sister and such. however on the flip side, in about one week i'm due with me and hubbys 3rd child together. when i had my first kid she spent the whole time trying to convince my hubby my daughter was not his, and that i look like i've been hit with a mack truck. the second time she went on about how my kids are bastards, this third time she keeps saying we shouldn't be allowed to have children and that I (me) need to get a job and go out and support HERS because they came first, (she just sits on her butt all day) just yesterday she told my hubby that he needed to stop letting his "thing" (meaning me) blow all his money (were unemployed and live with my dad what money??) and once again told him my children are probably not his etc. when she has a really bad day she'll have her friends leave messages on our phone pretending to be my husbands secret affair pregnant girlfriends (this has happened several times). its rediculous. we've gone to court many times for many things including contempt of court on her side and have presented tons of email evidence and etc, but no one ever cares or does anything its just shame shame slap on the wrist go back to mediation. sorry so long but its getting to a point where shes affecting my husbands sanity and i dont want my kids to grow up finding out some random person out there is calling them bastards. who does that??? how can a child who is so small and innocent already have someone out there who hates them and calls them names? any advice is more than nothing. anything. really.

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by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 10:19 PM
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Replies (1-10):
knoxmomof2
by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 10:25 PM
5 moms liked this

How about restraining orders? They can set up/ name a 3 rd party for pick-up/drop-off, communication, etc...in regards to the kids. Good luck!

EricaG87
by Bronze Member on Jan. 17, 2013 at 10:29 PM
2 moms liked this

LOL, I need to go to bed because I misread your title and thought you were GIVING advice on how to deal with an impossible woman. I read all the way through and got to the end and was like

But then I reread the title and was like  "oh" :/

Anyway, I'm really sorry for your situation, I'm dealing with an impossible BM too and I haven't figured it out yet.

sparklz123
by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 11:07 PM
2 moms liked this

 I agree with the restraining order suggestion. This woman is vile and verbally abusive and is causing serious detriment to the kids involved. I can't imagine any family law judge just overlooking that. When you went to court did you have an attorney? They are expensive and I know you're husband is unemployed but I would hire a really good attorney and go back to court, get a restraining order and really get specific about everything from when and how the children are transistioned and what time she is allowed to call when the kids are visiting your home. All of those things can be put in a CO. Don't forget to document, document, document every converstaion, every time she calls, every time she belittles you or DH. Start keeping a record book with dates and times and definitely save every voicemail, email anything that can be used as evidence. Very best of luck to you!

HappeeMomma
by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 11:37 PM
You can legally order a psych eval on her. The messages that bash you guys are evidence of parental alienation. Stop responding to messages. Turn your phone off. Get a new phone for everyone else and shut that phone off for the night. Hubby and I do not reply to messages unless they are about emergencies related to the kids. Do not engage or reply. Block her off hubby's phone and have her text you instead/ take one for the team until hubby gets hos strength back. What all does she text about?
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packermomof2
by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 11:54 PM



Quoting HappeeMomma:

You can legally order a psych eval on her. 
I don't think this only goes one way. My ex tried that on me and we both had to have one.  
I have always thought the actions of men the best interpreters of their thoughts.
John Locke
HappeeMomma
by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 12:00 AM
3 moms liked this
Not if you have overwhelming evidence that she is the unstable harasser! It's not a regular psych eval. But then again, ignore ignore ignore. If she bashes you guys- ignore. If she harasses-ignore. If she says "kid needs early pickup- say OK". Keep it minimal. Detach.


Quoting packermomof2:




Quoting HappeeMomma:

You can legally order a psych eval on her. 
I don't think this only goes one way. My ex tried that on me and we both had to have one.  

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Family654321
by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 12:18 AM
1 mom liked this

i get a dubble view seems how my ex hisband just gave up on our two daughtes and left state, i also am e married and have a step son who's mother is flippen crazy! it is hard but my best advice is to document EVERYTHING and try and just go through the courts for the rest. the less contact you have with some one like that the better it is for everyone! we wven do pick up and drop offs at police departments to ease the drama.

Newbie-SM
by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 12:25 AM
Hello, I'm new to this like 1 day new to this lol but I read ur post & my heart just dropped goodness u are strong to deal with her for so long.. I don't know how u do it I really don't have any advice only to pray & stay strong. I'd like to know how u do it for so long, I'm somewhat in that situation haven't put in that many yrs but the BioMom is absoulutely insane but she does not know of me yet, her emails to him bout the child upsets me sooooo & I need to find a way to not let it, it hard ..
chanizen
by Platinum Member on Jan. 18, 2013 at 6:57 AM
A woman doing this to me would find me laughing in her face. While she was hauled off to jail for violating a restraining order.

Ha ha ha. Thanks for the memories. Contact bf by email or text.

As for talking shit... Why are you listening?
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Mrs._Lovett
by Member on Jan. 18, 2013 at 12:56 PM


when it comes to restraining orders it seems difficult. we dont have anyone to use as third party people, i dont think hubby wants to go that route because he thinks it would cause more hassle than good.

Quoting knoxmomof2:

How about restraining orders? They can set up/ name a 3 rd party for pick-up/drop-off, communication, etc...in regards to the kids. Good luck!



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