Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

New @ this

Posted by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 11:02 PM
  • 50 Replies
Hello all :)
Today is my 1st day on here & seeking for advice. I'm new 2 bein a SM to an adoorable 2 yr old little girl whom her parents share 50/50 alothough the BioMoM does not know of me as of yet, my bf & I decided to wait to say anythin to her until we moved in because the bioMom is really really bitter twords him & I didn't know if I could handle it personally. The parents ONLY communicate through emails after a bitter long coustody fight in court. Now, I am a mom of a handsome wonderful teenage boy whom he has a SM. All I can say about her is she's great :) & I'm so blessed to hav a woman love & keep my only born lol safe.. Now back to the BioMom, she does everythin imaginable to not corporate with my bf. Now reason why I'm seeking help/advice is because I've been really letting it upset me & I find myself arguing with my bf. I've tryed takin deep breaths but come on now that for me only goes so far I have a strong feeling later when she does find out about me she's goin to make my life a living hell :( I need to know how NOW to deal with her when she becomes hateful & most importantly not fight with my bf because he's a catch I know it & I do not want this to be a strain on us later in the future... Helpp SM pleasee
by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 11:02 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
heathercm26
by Bronze Member on Jan. 17, 2013 at 11:15 PM
1 mom liked this
You need to decide what your deal breakers are and stay away from the bm at all costs. Avoid avoid avoid. Try not to become the care giver to the child and fall for her too quick. You may want out one day.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
rebeccasmly
by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 11:22 PM
Don't deal with her. BF needs to be the one that handles all communication with BM. He should be making parenting decisions with BM not putting you in the middle.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Newbie-SM
by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 11:44 PM
Thanks for the feed back ladies :)
Now to respond to one thing was we do plan on living together in a few months where I may be watching my step daughter, now in one of the responses was try not to be the care giver how does that work in tryin to be a blended family in the future??? Curious
Thnxs much ..
HappeeMomma
by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 11:53 PM
I advise NO contact with BM ever! You do not need to talk to her. BF has it figured out-emails work great! Watch out for BM- she can say you threatened her, scratch her own face and you go to jail- my GF is going through that!!!!!! Stay out of it. You are there for BF, stay out of his mess and just smile at him. He needs a nice GF after that psycho woman! Focus on what's important! Cook for him, love him, smile at him. Sounds like he has the rest handled! Once she can't get to you guys, she'll give up!
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
HappeeMomma
by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 11:55 PM
He can claim you are the nanny. I've seen it done. She does not need to know you are the GF. Not yet anyways.


Quoting Newbie-SM:

Thanks for the feed back ladies :)

Now to respond to one thing was we do plan on living together in a few months where I may be watching my step daughter, now in one of the responses was try not to be the care giver how does that work in tryin to be a blended family in the future??? Curious

Thnxs much ..

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Jan. 18, 2013 at 1:27 AM
1 mom liked this

I don't understand the encouragement to lie to BM... It's only going to cause bigger and more intense problems later on. And to be quite honest it's ridiculous. It makes it into a big giant game. If you're spending time with her child while she's with her father 50% of the time, she has a right to know. I'm sure your boy friend would be pissed if BM had some boyfriend in her house where his daughter lives 50% of the time and lied about it.

Have a little respect for the fact that she's this child's mother and be honest with her.

chanizen
by Platinum Member on Jan. 18, 2013 at 6:42 AM
1 mom liked this
Where does it say don't be a caregiver?

Be a caregiver (unless there is a court ordered reason not to) if you and dh choose that. Don't be a caregiver if it causes you resentment.

Now, caregiving doesn't mean bm owes you anything. That is something you are doing for dh.

Let dh deal with bm. Be pleasant, polite and direct questions to him. Bm and bf are each other's problem.

Me, I wouldn't listen to dh's tales about bm and bitterness. For all you know, he was a total jackass to her. I would stay out of that mess and that mentality and just let them deal with each other. With my first marriage, that meant bm and I had a very civil relationship even though bm/bf bickered.

Create peace.


Quoting Newbie-SM:

Thanks for the feed back ladies :)

Now to respond to one thing was we do plan on living together in a few months where I may be watching my step daughter, now in one of the responses was try not to be the care giver how does that work in tryin to be a blended family in the future??? Curious

Thnxs much ..

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Lslk
by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 6:57 AM

I agree with this. I don't know what I would do in this situation but I think lieing would make it much worse.


Quoting Tinkerbellmama:

I don't understand the encouragement to lie to BM... It's only going to cause bigger and more intense problems later on. And to be quite honest it's ridiculous. It makes it into a big giant game. If you're spending time with her child while she's with her father 50% of the time, she has a right to know. I'm sure your boy friend would be pissed if BM had some boyfriend in her house where his daughter lives 50% of the time and lied about it.

Have a little respect for the fact that she's this child's mother and be honest with her.



Tillymommie
by Silver Member on Jan. 18, 2013 at 9:12 AM

This is HORRIBLE advice. It will cause so many more issues and fights because you will be lying to BM. Not a good thing when things are already rocky.

Quoting HappeeMomma:

He can claim you are the nanny. I've seen it done. She does not need to know you are the GF. Not yet anyways.


Quoting Newbie-SM:

Thanks for the feed back ladies :)

Now to respond to one thing was we do plan on living together in a few months where I may be watching my step daughter, now in one of the responses was try not to be the care giver how does that work in tryin to be a blended family in the future??? Curious

Thnxs much ..


HappeeMomma
by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 12:36 PM



Quoting Tillymommie:

This is HORRIBLE advice. It will cause so many more issues and fights because you will be lying to BM. Not a good thing when things are already rocky.

Quoting HappeeMomma:

He can claim you are the nanny. I've seen it done. She does not need to know you are the GF. Not yet anyways.


Quoting Newbie-SM:

Thanks for the feed back ladies :)

Now to respond to one thing was we do plan on living together in a few months where I may be watching my step daughter, now in one of the responses was try not to be the care giver how does that work in tryin to be a blended family in the future??? Curious

Thnxs much ..


Not true.  I have a friend who lost custody to the nanny.  Everyone knows she is NOT the nanny, but she is claimed as the nanny and she raises the kids, gets paid by the BF, lives in the house, is the actual GF, etc.  The mom ended up with visitatin.  These are high income people with over 1Mill in income, if it works for them, it should work for you.  BTW- if this guy is serius about you, he will get engaged, introduce the concept to his ex and everything should work out fine.  You either come clean or disguise it as a nanny deal.  The GF thing will not be good for anyone, under the circumstances.  But then again, don't listen to me.  I have only been through every scenario myself or my friends.   Some poeple don't want peaceful resolution, they want an entire drama rodeo.  Not my life. My life is peaceful.  I am justtrying to get you guys to see how simple things can be.  (BTW- if you are the Nanny, she might have to fork out some money that you guys keep in your household).  Nobody needs to know what goes on in your bedroom.


Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)



Featured