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Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

I don't know where to turn to next

Posted by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 11:59 AM
  • 27 Replies

I need advice...or I need to vent.   Not sure which.  My husband and I have been married for two years.  I have never had children, he had two.  One was 18 and the other was 13 when we started dating.   The 18 yo moved out.   The 13 is about to turn 16 next month...however, she acts like she is 10.   She doesn't brush her teeth, comb her hair, take a bathe, etc. unless being told to do it.  She is a slob.  She has two jobs in this house, empty the dishwasher wherein she just puts stuff away whereever she feels like and however she wants.   The other job is to wash her own clothes.  I offered up for her to clean the litterboxes and pay her for it, but she doesn't do that.   I don't give her money and if she wants anything "extra" she has to buy it herself...but she's too lazy to do that.  Her school work is at best Cs and Ds only because she is too lazy to do her homework.   I have tried talking to her, I have tried taking things away and it's all a "minor inconvenience".   She doesn't have friends or go anywhere so grounding won't work for her.   She's been diagnosed with ADHD and is on medication for it.   As I explained to her, the medicine will help her attention problem, but she still has to find a way to work with it and keep herself in check.  I explained to her that these things that she is doing now is going to carry over into her adult life.   Being lazy and doing whatever you want doesn't cut it in corporate america.   She is NOT going to live here at 18 and not work or go to school...both of which she has no desire to do.   My husband is sick of me bitching about her...and I have no backing from him anymore in regards to venting.   She is driving me insane.....and I don't know what to do about it.

by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 11:59 AM
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Replies (1-10):
baparrot2
by Platinum Member on Jan. 20, 2013 at 12:01 PM
1 mom liked this

 Do what your husband asks and watch your life improve.

smbrueggeman
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 12:02 PM

Oh .. that's helpful

packermomof2
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 12:16 PM

It is helpful.  Who is you bitching about the kid helping or hurting?  Doesn't sound like the kid cares, doesn't sound like dad does either.  You're the one with the problem, not them.  Let him handle his kid and your life will get easier.

HappeeMomma
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 12:46 PM
Stop listening to stupid advice on Step mom Central and watch your life improve haha Well, she can move in with BM or when she's 18, enlist in the Army, Peace Core, etc. Or she gets her own place and gets welfare. By enabling, he is disabling.
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angelmommy2806
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 12:56 PM
1 mom liked this
Let your Dh handle her. She's not your child so you need to let him get upset or not get upset.
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whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Jan. 20, 2013 at 1:02 PM

Surely you knew what kind of parent your husband was before you married him, no? Did you think he would change?

This is how he is choosing to raise his daughter. There is really nothing you can do about it. I would focus on whatever good you can find about her, and just be nice to her, and don't worry about her future.

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Jan. 20, 2013 at 1:04 PM



Quoting packermomof2:

You're the one with the problem, not them.  Let him handle his kid and your life will get easier.


while this seems at first glance to be unsupportive, it is actually very good advice. Bottom line - THEY don't have a problem with the way things are. So, your life will improve when you accept things for what they are.

DDDaysh
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 2:18 PM
This is normal for ADHD teens not being properly parented. Recommend that your husband read a few books.

However, kids don't disappear at 18, so you need to find a way to reconcile yourself with his daughter.
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Charli627
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 3:06 PM


Quoting angelmommy2806:

Let your Dh handle her. She's not your child so you need to let him get upset or not get upset.
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meerkat101
by Member on Jan. 20, 2013 at 5:02 PM
Yeah - this is the bad thing about being stepmom.
You may see the most idiotic things (eg dad not doing anything about his lazy daughter), and you won't be able to do anything about it!

My advice would be not to nag her or dad about ANYTHING (eg brushing teeth or bathing or homework), sooner or later dad will need to notice!!

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