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BM had her baby.

Posted by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 1:33 PM
  • 27 Replies
BM had her baby on Friday. The story: DH and I got engaged last April. In late June/early July BM told DH she was pregnant. The baby is NOT his (just for clarification). BM said it was our fault she got pregnant because when she found out DH and I were engaged she said she was so distraught and upset that she went out and got drunk and slept with a guy. At first she said she was keeping the baby, then she said she was giving it up for adoption, then abortion and back to keeping it. The father has tried to be involved, but she won't let him.

Anyways, the kids can't stop talking about the baby and want to tell me how cute she is, etc... While I have absolutely nothing against this innocent baby I just don't want to hear it. Part of me is jealous because DH and I aren't in a position to get pregnant for at least a few years. Part of me is still mad that she blamed the pregnancy on us and can't take responsibility for her actions. And she has trained the kids to say the baby is their "whole sister, there's no such thing as half sisters," but that when DH and I have kids they'll be step siblings. I don't think it needed to be discussed, I sure wasn't going to say anything about her baby. And SD6 told us that BM doesn't want DH and I to have babies so SD6 doesn't want us to have babies either. And I am REALLY mad that after the baby was born BM sent DH pictures and was texting him all the nitty-gritty details of the birth. Also, when we took SKs to the hospital yesterday to see the baby BM invited him in the room and asked if he wanted to hold the baby. DH didn't want her to send pics or share details, nor did he go in the room at all to see BM or the baby. BM has always had issues with boundaries and what is/isn't appropriate.

I know I can't tell SKs that I don't want to hear about their new sister, it would be hurtful to them. DH understands how I feel and when they talk about her he tries to change the subject, but it hasn't worked. He doesn't really want to hear them talk about it either. I'm nearly to the point where I don't want to be around SKs right now because they can't stop talking about their new sister. I don't want to feel this way! I love SKs, I just can't bare to hear it anymore.

Have you ever felt this way? How did you deal?
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by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 1:33 PM
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Replies (1-10):
angelmommy2806
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 1:53 PM
I would just politely excuse myself from the room.

Bm can't have anymore kids and I can't carry to term. We are adopting though and Bm is pretty upset about it. We don't send pictures or updates or talk about him to her at all though.
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RigPrincess85
by Bronze Member on Jan. 20, 2013 at 2:29 PM
1 mom liked this
Yup, I know exactly how you feel... DH and I were engaged June 2011, BM found out she was pregnant (not DHs) and gave birth in feb. she told me that I had no business having kids because SD isn't mine and only SHE (BM) should give her daughter sisters and brothers AND that she would do everything in her power to make it so we couldn't afford to have kids.

At first it hurt because realistically DH and I want to have my car paid off and be in a house of our own before we start having children. It seemed so unfair that this woman was having kids without thinking twice. She tried to threaten to say that the baby was his so he would have to pay CS even though they had been separated for nearly 2 years when she got pregnant. Lol. But now 11 months later and she's 4 months pregnant with baby #3 and DH and I just paid off the truck and should have our house down payment in 6 months. :)

I just take it with a grain of salt. She is who she is and if she needs to say things or do things to make herself feel better then have at'er.
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ShannaBee
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 2:31 PM

I would just be polite and after a minute, switch subjects.

elisesmom922
by Silver Member on Jan. 20, 2013 at 2:52 PM

I would just either politely switch subjects, or leave the room. Bm here about had a coronary when we said we were pregnant AND that it was a boy. SHE wanted to be DH's "only baby mama", and had wished SD was a boy til she was born a girl. It also sounds like your DH needs to tell BM where the boundaries are about the pictures, TMI, and such.

Miss-tearious
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 3:01 PM
Yeah, I have 3 SDs & 1 SS. They all wanted a brother, but it's a girl.

If you tell BM something bothers you and ask her not to do it again she'll do it to no end because she knows it bugs you. Very rarely will she actually stop. DH said that when they were married she had a hard time with boundaries too. For ex, she had an ex boyfriend who needed a place to live. She just about invited him to live with her & DH! DH told her that's not ok and BM said her feeling were hurt when ex boyfriend chose to live with another friend. She didn't understand why it would be awkward for an ex to live with her and her husband.


Quoting elisesmom922:

I would just either politely switch subjects, or leave the room. Bm here about had a coronary when we said we were pregnant AND that it was a boy. SHE wanted to be DH's "only baby mama", and had wished SD was a boy til she was born a girl. It also sounds like your DH needs to tell BM where the boundaries are about the pictures, TMI, and such.


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Charli627
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 3:04 PM


Quoting ShannaBee:

I would just be polite and after a minute, switch subjects.

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Charli627
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 3:05 PM
Wow!

Quoting RigPrincess85:

Yup, I know exactly how you feel... DH and I were engaged June 2011, BM found out she was pregnant (not DHs) and gave birth in feb. she told me that I had no business having kids because SD isn't mine and only SHE (BM) should give her daughter sisters and brothers AND that she would do everything in her power to make it so we couldn't afford to have kids.



At first it hurt because realistically DH and I want to have my car paid off and be in a house of our own before we start having children. It seemed so unfair that this woman was having kids without thinking twice. She tried to threaten to say that the baby was his so he would have to pay CS even though they had been separated for nearly 2 years when she got pregnant. Lol. But now 11 months later and she's 4 months pregnant with baby #3 and DH and I just paid off the truck and should have our house down payment in 6 months. :)



I just take it with a grain of salt. She is who she is and if she needs to say things or do things to make herself feel better then have at'er.

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elisesmom922
by Silver Member on Jan. 20, 2013 at 3:08 PM

Are you sure we don't have the same BM? Currently, BM has the man she cheated on DH with years ago living with her and SF. The kids call him Uncle T.  I just don't get some things! Dh said he hopes SF never leaves them alone, b/c BM is a serial cheater.

Quoting Miss-tearious:

Yeah, I have 3 SDs & 1 SS. They all wanted a brother, but it's a girl.

If you tell BM something bothers you and ask her not to do it again she'll do it to no end because she knows it bugs you. Very rarely will she actually stop. DH said that when they were married she had a hard time with boundaries too. For ex, she had an ex boyfriend who needed a place to live. She just about invited him to live with her & DH! DH told her that's not ok and BM said her feeling were hurt when ex boyfriend chose to live with another friend. She didn't understand why it would be awkward for an ex to live with her and her husband.


Quoting elisesmom922:

I would just either politely switch subjects, or leave the room. Bm here about had a coronary when we said we were pregnant AND that it was a boy. SHE wanted to be DH's "only baby mama", and had wished SD was a boy til she was born a girl. It also sounds like your DH needs to tell BM where the boundaries are about the pictures, TMI, and such.



Tigress22304
by Ruby Member on Jan. 20, 2013 at 4:57 PM

i really cant say much-sd11 was pretty offended/pissed off with BM got pregnant with ydd5 (she had ss6 in july and got pregnant right away by Douche Bag) and was a pissed off child for the first year afterwards.

I would ask the skids to change the subject or perhaps just walk away (baby's a new novelty to them so of course they wanna share everything with you)

KellyReedy
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 6:35 PM

Aw that sucks!  But I understand how you feel!

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