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how flexible are we supposed to be?

Posted by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 1:57 PM
  • 37 Replies
Ok so dh is cp with bm having eowe and one afternoon a week. bm has never been willing to be flexible on changing weekends or times if something was ever out of the ordinary (not even to meet earlier). Well she's in school full time and said this semester one of her classes falls on the day she has her afternoon visit, and she would need to switch the day. Dh agreed and they are doing the adjusted schedule for this semester, but he said it would need to go back to the court ordered schedule once the semester is over. Bm replied saying she may need to change it again since she'll be working then, and her work schedule may interfere.

My question is how much is dh supposed to work with bm until it's ridiculous? The Co does not designate that bm is granted make up time if she can't take her scheduled days. Dh and I have both had to change our work schedules around sd, but bm wants us to work around her? The line of work bm is going into does not provide a set schedule, so it would most likely be bm letting dh know that she needs to change on a weekly basis.
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 1:57 PM
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Replies (1-10):
WifeyC
by Platinum Member on Jan. 20, 2013 at 2:01 PM

What job will she be doing?  I see nothing wrong with working with BM on the days she can see her child, especially if the alternative is her not getting to see the kid.   

whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Jan. 20, 2013 at 2:13 PM
1 mom liked this

I think common sense dictates that BM should have make-up time if she can't make her scheduled day. What possible reason would you not allow it?

Mistweave
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 2:15 PM
1 mom liked this

I wouldn't have been flexible the first time.  She didn't want to be flexible when you needed it so she shouldn't get it her way when she wants it either.

miapia1020
by Bronze Member on Jan. 20, 2013 at 2:23 PM
We're already willing to be flexible on things (dh has agreed to moving the day so bm can see sd for her afternoon visit.) The problem is that with her work schedule it will most likely be that the days will be all over the place. One week she might make Tuesday, the next it's Thursday, etc. bm also never gives more that 24 hours notice on things changing, so it would all be last minute. I don't seehow feasible it's going to be for dh to have to constantly move his work schedule around because of bms plans.
Quoting whatIknownow:

I think common sense dictates that BM should have make-up time if she can't make her scheduled day. What possible reason would you not allow it?


DDDaysh
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 2:23 PM
What is the advantage of not switching the afternoons?

If it will interfere with something important you obviously don't have to change. However, if it's just punishing BM or playing tit for tat, that needs to stop.
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momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Jan. 20, 2013 at 2:25 PM
I am flexible for my kid. If dad has to work, then I will adjust in whatever way he needs. He does not accommodate me and that is ok. I don't do it for him. I do it for my child. If he is working then that means dd misses out on time with her father. So I will adjust. Of course our CO states that the standard guideline is only a guideline in absence of mutual agreement. So if we can agree on other dates and times then we don't 'have' to go by the court order. I just do whatever I can to facilitate that time for my child. Sure it can be annoying but .. Since I am CP I do have a lot more days than he does to schedule activities and events. And sure she misses things here and there but it is what it is.
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momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Jan. 20, 2013 at 2:30 PM
Can your dh tell BM, I'm willing to accomodate your work schedule since obviously you need to work but you also need to be able to have a relationship with your child, however I will need to request that you give me a weeks notice of your work schedule so we can make plans around the visit. I don't see why mom wouldn't be willing to give the information if it meant that she would get to see her child on her days off work.


Quoting miapia1020:

We're already willing to be flexible on things (dh has agreed to moving the day so bm can see sd for her afternoon visit.) The problem is that with her work schedule it will most likely be that the days will be all over the place. One week she might make Tuesday, the next it's Thursday, etc. bm also never gives more that 24 hours notice on things changing, so it would all be last minute. I don't seehow feasible it's going to be for dh to have to constantly move his work schedule around because of bms plans.

Quoting whatIknownow:

I think common sense dictates that BM should have make-up time if she can't make her scheduled day. What possible reason would you not allow it?



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momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Jan. 20, 2013 at 2:31 PM
Is that really what is in the best interest of the child?


Quoting Mistweave:

I wouldn't have been flexible the first time.  She didn't want to be flexible when you needed it so she shouldn't get it her way when she wants it either.


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leegirl_jm
by Platinum Member on Jan. 20, 2013 at 2:49 PM

Ideally parenting requires parents working together, DH and I have had to change our schedules to accommodate our children many times, it is part of parenting. I think it is best for SD to work with her mother as much as you can but as CP you don't have to.

whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Jan. 20, 2013 at 2:54 PM

I don't understand what it has to do with DH's work schedule. Why does it matter if he's working or not?


Quoting miapia1020:

We're already willing to be flexible on things (dh has agreed to moving the day so bm can see sd for her afternoon visit.) The problem is that with her work schedule it will most likely be that the days will be all over the place. One week she might make Tuesday, the next it's Thursday, etc. bm also never gives more that 24 hours notice on things changing, so it would all be last minute. I don't seehow feasible it's going to be for dh to have to constantly move his work schedule around because of bms plans.
Quoting whatIknownow:

I think common sense dictates that BM should have make-up time if she can't make her scheduled day. What possible reason would you not allow it?




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