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Are you a better SM?

Posted by on Jan. 23, 2013 at 9:12 AM
  • 19 Replies

Do you think you are a better SM because your Bio kids have a SM?

I believe I am. My DD has a SM that I do not particularly like but she is nice to my DD and I believe that she has good intentions for her. DD's SM has crossed boundaries before but I have always taken that up with BD as I believe that most, if not all, communication should be between BM and BD.

With my SK's I would prefer BM to go directly to BD. Sometimes this does not happen and every time I answer my phone when it is BM I immeditly regret it. I always try to stay out of the way of BM because they are, afterall, her kids. I have always done that and I always will. I'm sure I have crossed BM's boundries (not on purpose) in the past but I try very hard not to.

If I didn't have the experience of having my own kids I don't know if I would make a good SM. What do you guys think? Would you make a good SM if you were not already a Mom?


by on Jan. 23, 2013 at 9:12 AM
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Replies (1-10):
WifeyC
by Platinum Member on Jan. 23, 2013 at 9:29 AM
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I am a better SM because I realize I am not their Mom.

mamakenzi
by Member on Jan. 23, 2013 at 9:37 AM
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My dd doesn't have a stepmom. I'm think I'm a good stepmom because since I do have a child I know the "mom" things. It's different then not having kids at all.

I also think I'm a good stepmom because I realize that I'm not their mom but I'm able to provide that motherly, nurturing role while they are here. One of my SK lives here so I think she depends on me more as a mom then her brother does.
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kellynh
by Kelly on Jan. 23, 2013 at 11:15 AM
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No, my kids having a SM had no impact on how I acted as a SM. I think I am a better BM for not interfering in the parenting at the other house. As a SM, I made my own misguided judgements. There are things I wish I learned earlier then I did. 

pepper504
by Platinum Member on Jan. 23, 2013 at 11:46 AM
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Nope.  DD15 having had a SM had nothing to do with how I am as a SM.  As a person, I am not one who wants to control another person's household.  That is what it boils down to, IMO.

NobleStepMom
by Member on Jan. 23, 2013 at 10:36 PM
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I do not have any bio kids (yet) and I think I am a great SM.  I love my SD more than anyone in this world (in that way - obv I love my DH and parents too) and want to be a better person so I can be a good role model for her.  I will admit, I don't think I started out this way.  When SD first came to live with us the transition was very difficult as I am young and had never lived with kids before.  However, over these last 4 years I think I have turned out to be a pretty good SM who tries to guide SD through life and teach her how to be a decent human being.  I think I learned a lot about how to be a parent from the way I was raised - I am the complete opposite of how my parents were, aside from being loving, which they were, they were just not very involved in my life and I, therefore, try to be very involved in hers.

GlockMom
by Platinum Member on Jan. 23, 2013 at 10:50 PM
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No, I don't think that but I think being a SM has made me a better BM. Seeing how BM negative actions and treatment of DH has had effects on SS and on DH I know how I should never treat my child's other parent.
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LittleChitlins3
by on Jan. 23, 2013 at 11:10 PM
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I try to the best SM I can be because I have had a SM since I was a teen & learned of what I won't do as a SM.
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angirose
by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 3:35 AM
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I agree having children has helped me to be a sm. But I have spent my entire life raising children. So that's helped too. I am the oldest granddaughter of 54..I was already 12 when my cousins started to be born and most of my family is enlisted. I spent my Tweens and teens raising my cousins. So I have been in many different home with different styles of raising children. My children (outside of 6 mths of pure hell my ds7 went thru) have never had sm's.
whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Jan. 24, 2013 at 7:46 AM

not in my case, no. My biokids' SM is not very involved with them. She rarely sees them. 

ETA: wait, I take that back. I did think of something. My DD once told me that when someone criticizes their parent, it's like criticizing them. Even the most subtle forms of critism count, such as sarcasm and eye-rolling.  When she told me that, it made me more aware of how I speak about my stepkids' mom. So, in a way, her being a child of divorce did help me be a better stepmom to my stepkids. Not sure if it had to do with her SM, per se, but it did have to do with her being a child of divorce.

leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Jan. 24, 2013 at 8:05 AM

I think I would be much better SM if I didn't have my own children and SS had a diffeent mother. My children are my priority, my job is to ensure the very best for them and so I can't give what it requires to invest in a step relationship.

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