Fair or not? Prom dress woes - Update in comments today!
We have custody of dd19 and sd17. Dd is in college, sd is a hs junior. When dd was in hs, dh said, don't spend a lot on her prom dress, so we set a limit of 200 dollars for junior and senior year.
Now sd is going to prom. I say same rules apply. If bm wants to add to the 200 and get a more expensive dress, that's fine, but I say we spend no more. Bm says she's picking the dress, we're paying, end of story. Dh is stuck in the middle (which is really pissing me off).
Oh, and sd is worried that we won't find a nice dress for 200, but she's willing to look and try. And she doesn't want bm to go dress shopping. Dh thinks she should go because she's the bm.
What say you?
I would tell her Mom that Dad will pay only $200. If she can't find something at that price then she will pay the additional cost.
Quoting WifeyC:I would tell her Mom that Dad will pay only $200. If she can't find something at that price then she will pay the additional cost.
I think your DH should make it clear to SD and BM that the limit is 200. Anything more will have to be covered by BM.
As far as dress shopping, does SD just want to go by herself or with friends? She needs to tell her BM that herself. She also needs to tell your husband she doesn't want BM going.
He told her that, she won't take that for an answer, and he's waffling. He asked me what I thought a reasonable amount on a dress was, and I said, "the 200 that we spent on DD's for her junior and senior proms!" He told bm that she could pay the remainder, but she's sick (not) and can't get a job, so can't pay. Whatever, sounds like she needs to be hunting for a 200 dress then!
I paid $350 for my DD's prom dress. I NEVER thought I'd pay that much for a prom dress to be worn one time. But you know, I can afford it, and she looked gorgeous in it. And it made her happy and it made me happy.
I think you can get a decent dress for $200 though.
Who does SD want to go shopping with? I went with my daughter. But I can imagine that my SD might want to go with her friends. I would say it's up to SD to choose who to go with, but if I were paying $200, I might want to have a say in the dress. I don't think I'd hand my child (step or bio) $200 and let her go with her high school friends. Or.. maybe I would. I don't really know how I'd feel about that.
I imagine my SD saying "ughghhhhh none of the other moms are coming, All my friends are going as a group to buy dresses!!!" and I'd be like ugh whatever, here's $200. I can easily see that happening..LOL.
So that's my babble for today. I really got nothing useful for you...
No, she made it pretty clear to everyone that she wanted me, dd, and her aunt to go. Not bm. Bm called and invited herself, dh's mom, and said she'd drive everyone. NO. Sd said if she went, we would drive separately and sd would ride with me. Bm went crazy and said that the papers say if she (bm) doesn't want me (sm) there, I can't be there (doesn't say that). She said I'm brainwashing sd.
She's addicted to painkillers, amped tried to commit suicide last month. I think she's bipolar too.
Quoting Melina74:I think your DH should make it clear to SD and BM that the limit is 200. Anything more will have to be covered by BM.
As far as dress shopping, does SD just want to go by herself or with friends? She needs to tell her BM that herself. She also needs to tell your husband she doesn't want BM going.
DH should tell BM that it's $200 and that's it...not a penny more. AND he should tell SD the same thing. I just got married, $200 will buy a nice formal bridesmaid dress...hell I spent about $250 on my wedding dress (on sale and it was beautiful!). Buying a prom dress for that much can be done.
I think it's fair to tell the kids that unless BM wants to kick in, that it's whatever price dad sets. Your kids are lucky...my DH would tell our girls $50! LOL What do men know about what we spend on a nice dress???
$200 for a dress for the prom can be done.
Quoting sleeblended:He told her that, she won't take that for an answer, and he's waffling. He asked me what I thought a reasonable amount on a dress was, and I said, "the 200 that we spent on DD's for her junior and senior proms!" He told bm that she could pay the remainder, but she's sick (not) and can't get a job, so can't pay. Whatever, sounds like she needs to be hunting for a 200 dress then!
SD can always use her own money above and beyond $200.
Don't forget there are shoes and accessories, and nails and hair to be done.
why doesn't SD want her mom to go? She's bringing a whole entourage. Why not let her mom come?
Quoting sleeblended:No, she made it pretty clear to everyone that she wanted me, dd, and her aunt to go. Not bm. Bm called and invited herself, dh's mom, and said she'd drive everyone. NO. Sd said if she went, we would drive separately and sd would ride with me. Bm went crazy and said that the papers say if she (bm) doesn't want me (sm) there, I can't be there (doesn't say that). She said I'm brainwashing sd.
She's addicted to painkillers, amped tried to commit suicide last month. I think she's bipolar too.
Quoting Melina74:I think your DH should make it clear to SD and BM that the limit is 200. Anything more will have to be covered by BM.
As far as dress shopping, does SD just want to go by herself or with friends? She needs to tell her BM that herself. She also needs to tell your husband she doesn't want BM going.
Exactly!
Quoting whatIknownow:
Quoting sleeblended:He told her that, she won't take that for an answer, and he's waffling. He asked me what I thought a reasonable amount on a dress was, and I said, "the 200 that we spent on DD's for her junior and senior proms!" He told bm that she could pay the remainder, but she's sick (not) and can't get a job, so can't pay. Whatever, sounds like she needs to be hunting for a 200 dress then!
SD can always use her own money above and beyond $200.
Don't forget there are shoes and accessories, and nails and hair to be done.
Not looking forward to seeing BM at SS 8th grade graduation.....
HIs, Mine & ours
- sleeblended
on Jan. 23, 2013 at 10:02 AM