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Negative comments from SD

Posted by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 7:23 AM
  • 34 Replies

Hi Ladies, as you know my SD is 13 years old and doesn't like me.  We had a very goodvrelationship in the beginning.  She never tells me the things that bother her about me but tells her dad and of course he tells me.  I have always been nice to her but over the last year since this has started with her I have become distant and only speak to her when I have to.  

She told her dad last night that I am now controlling him which he and I know are not true.  I know I should be the adult and know that teenagers can be very attitudy as I raised 2 myself but I am having a very difficult time producing a positive attitude towards her when my fiancĂ© always is telling me the negative comments she keeps making about me.  How do I keep sane thru this?  I feel when he keeps telling me the negative stuff I continue to harbor more bitter feelings.  I asked him last night to not tell me the negative comments his daughter says about me because it just hurts and angers me more which I know I will become more stand offish.  Is this ok for me to ask him of that or am I acting like a child?  

by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 7:23 AM
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Replies (1-10):
leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Jan. 24, 2013 at 7:31 AM
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He needs to stop telling you the nasty things she says about you.
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WifeyC
by Platinum Member on Jan. 24, 2013 at 7:41 AM

What does DH say to her when she says these things?

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Jan. 24, 2013 at 7:51 AM

My suggestion to stop the negative comments - try being nicer to her.

macbudsmom
by Silver Member on Jan. 24, 2013 at 8:46 AM

I don't know your situation, but try doing some stuff with her, one on one.  Tell her you know things have been difficult between you and that you'd like it to improve.  Don't point fingers or assign blame just keep working on it.  13 is a tough age, even tougher in a blended family.

Good luck!

PS... I agree that Dad needs to stop confiding in you.  Wise  choice on your part.

Rae706
by Silver Member on Jan. 24, 2013 at 8:52 AM
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My answer depends entirely on where ad is coming from. If these are issues that she legitimately takes seriously, then the three of you need to sit down and hash things out. If she is doing this to drive a wedge between you and DH, that shit needs to stop immediately and DH needs to be the one who puts a stop to it.

No matter where she's coming from, any disrespect should not be tolerated by you or DH. She doesn't have to like you, but she does have to show respect!
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whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Jan. 24, 2013 at 9:00 AM


The child also deserves respect. The OP said "I have become distant and only speak to her when I have to." I suspect the child feels uncomfortable around the OP because of the OP's demeanor. I would take the SD's complaints seriously.

Quoting Rae706:

My answer depends entirely on where ad is coming from. If these are issues that she legitimately takes seriously, then the three of you need to sit down and hash things out. If she is doing this to drive a wedge between you and DH, that shit needs to stop immediately and DH needs to be the one who puts a stop to it.

No matter where she's coming from, any disrespect should not be tolerated by you or DH. She doesn't have to like you, but she does have to show respect!



jojojack
by Bronze Member on Jan. 24, 2013 at 9:01 AM
SD 16......I ignore her horrible behavior and attitude and the comments. She tries to start shit with me constantly so dh and i get into it. I calmly walk away from her and say nothing. If dh doesnt get my back on any of it he and I will discuss it in another room where she can't hear. Its happenning less and less now because i dont engage her and give her option of causing the drama..
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LittleMama2012
by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 9:11 AM
You said you had a good relationship with her in the beginning. So did something happen to change this? Was there a particular incident? Maybe you need to sit down and talk to her and ask her why this has started.

Engage her with something positive. When she says something negative toward you, tell her that you don't like when she talks to you like that. Let her know that it is not OK but if there is a problem, then you will talk to her to work it out if she can be civil and not so negative.

Dh needs to stop telling you these things. He needs to let her know that it is not OK. Maybe she is doing it for attention? It just seems that there has to be a reason, something going on, if it wasn't like this before.
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Rae706
by Silver Member on Jan. 24, 2013 at 9:55 AM
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Sounds like a completely normal reaction to me. Who doesn't pull away from someone that either doesn't like them or acts like they don't like them?


Quoting whatIknownow:


The child also deserves respect. The OP said "I have become distant and only speak to her when I have to." I suspect the child feels uncomfortable around the OP because of the OP's demeanor. I would take the SD's complaints seriously.


Quoting Rae706:

My answer depends entirely on where ad is coming from. If these are issues that she legitimately takes seriously, then the three of you need to sit down and hash things out. If she is doing this to drive a wedge between you and DH, that shit needs to stop immediately and DH needs to be the one who puts a stop to it.



No matter where she's coming from, any disrespect should not be tolerated by you or DH. She doesn't have to like you, but she does have to show respect!





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meerkat101
by Member on Jan. 24, 2013 at 9:58 AM
Seems like my SD (but luckily she doesn't tell DH negative things about me).

She is almost 13, and although we had a good relationship, it changed literally in a 2 week period.

We are EOWE.
The one weekend went like usual - no problems. The next weekend everything has changed. No more chitty-chatty, nothing...

Nothing happened at our house, or between us...

So I don't know whether it is just teen stuff, or something else.

Did something happen between you two?
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