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"I can't stand my SS SD"

Posted by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 6:47 PM
  • 26 Replies
Gotcha!!!

But.....
Often when a SM says this, one or two of the responses go like this:
"Do you realise that your DH\SO had a hand in raising the child that you can't stand??"

Now I'm pondering - if you are a EOWE parent, for arguments sake let say from the child is 3, how much raising or parenting did the EOWE parent really do??

How much "parenting" can you do in 4 days a month?

IDK? What is your opinion?
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by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 6:47 PM
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Replies (1-10):
amantonacci
by Gold Member on Jan. 25, 2013 at 6:54 PM

I was just going to post this same question!

faerie75
by Platinum Member on Jan. 25, 2013 at 7:17 PM
2 moms liked this
Idk but I have posted "I can't stand ds14 ole contrarian ass!" And I raised him mostly by myself lol
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247beachbumz
by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 7:28 PM
1 mom liked this

I'm one of those that say that n yes, I realize SO helped raise her but when he wuz ES n EOC, he spoiled her rotten n threw out all the rules whenever she came....so, he helped raise a spoiled rotten lazy ass baby talkn 15yr old who is allowed to get way with EVERYTHING that m boys r punished for! N then has the nerve to wonder why her room looks like crap n brings hm bad grades?? WTF?? 

whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Jan. 25, 2013 at 7:31 PM
3 moms liked this

An NCP can do a lot of parenting.

In addition to his 4 days a month, he can:

1. Attend all PTCs.

2. Volunteer in the school.

3. Have lunch with the kid in school as often as he wants.

4. Be a coach of his sports team.

5. Call him every day.

6. Attend his church and see him then.

7. Attend all doctor's visits.

 

saywhat2102
by Gold Member on Jan. 25, 2013 at 7:34 PM
I think vague ass postings would hold they key to your answers.

You can't stand your stepchild. That's it is like open season to guess wtf you mean and how:-) now, more info then dif convo...
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Charli627
by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 7:47 PM
I haven't said that about my skids
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Mommyof5247
by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 8:08 PM

The EOWE parent often has a huge impact on the kids. How they're allowed to behave with them & the things they do together set a stage for expectations everywhere.

I was spoiled by my father when he was absent, I came to expect it when I was little. DD14 rarely sees her dad, but when she does, or even when he can't make it back, he gives her money & gifts or has his mother give her money & gifts. DD14 also has a lot of mannerisms similar to XH.  DS17 doesn't see his BD often, but their sense of humor & mannerisms are very similar. And BD's guilt trips can really eat at DS.

SD & SS are spoiled when they go to BM's. She spends a considerable amount of time, money & phone call time making promises. The kids are so worn out from running around & being entertained with her that when they get home they are actually grateful for quiet time & ask to go to bed!

So the EOWE parent can do a lot of parenting in the 0+ days they spend with the kids each month. I've seen too many variations of it to think anything else.

pdxmum
by Platinum Member on Jan. 25, 2013 at 9:50 PM


BF is an EOWE parent.  I think he has a huge impact in their life.  Many positive like his creative side or his spiritual/higher power/AA/one day at a time modeling.

but he also teaches lessons with his absence and passive uninvolved parenting. 

I'm glad you wrote this list WiKN.  

Quoting whatIknownow:

An NCP can do a lot of parenting.

In addition to his 4 days a month, he can:

1. Attend all PTCs.

2. Volunteer in the school.

3. Have lunch with the kid in school as often as he wants.

4. Be a coach of his sports team.

5. Call him every day.

6. Attend his church and see him then.

7. Attend all doctor's visits.




pdxmum
by Platinum Member on Jan. 25, 2013 at 9:51 PM

And BF was uninvolved/passive even when we were married and he lived with DDs. At least now, he is the only parent there on his weekends so in a way, his parenting has been forced to increase now that he spends less time with them.

momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Jan. 25, 2013 at 10:02 PM
My daughter is like a walking ( literally), talking spitting image of her father. She even argues identical to him and he has been NCP for 7 years. She is very respectful to him and his home. He has no issues with her regarding behavior. I would love to take credit for having a great kid but I would have to say, while I did have a hand in how she behaves, he has set the standard for her in his home. She does things here that she would never ever think to do at his home. It is what it is. He is 100% in control of her behavior when she is there. Never in his dreams would he begin to 'credit' me for any of her behavior. Only if it were bad behavior.


Quoting Mommyof5247:

The EOWE parent often has a huge impact on the kids. How they're allowed to behave with them & the things they do together set a stage for expectations everywhere.

I was spoiled by my father when he was absent, I came to expect it when I was little. DD14 rarely sees her dad, but when she does, or even when he can't make it back, he gives her money & gifts or has his mother give her money & gifts. DD14 also has a lot of mannerisms similar to XH.  DS17 doesn't see his BD often, but their sense of humor & mannerisms are very similar. And BD's guilt trips can really eat at DS.

SD & SS are spoiled when they go to BM's. She spends a considerable amount of time, money & phone call time making promises. The kids are so worn out from running around & being entertained with her that when they get home they are actually grateful for quiet time & ask to go to bed!

So the EOWE parent can do a lot of parenting in the 0+ days they spend with the kids each month. I've seen too many variations of it to think anything else.


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