Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

The "I love them like my own" statement.....

Posted by   + Show Post

It completely weirds mothers out.

Here's why...... It denotes that you somehow love my child in the same fashion that I do. And that just is laughable and isnt even possible. So it really ends up making you look like an asshole.

On a weird-o-meter, if you have no children of your own and the child lives with BM, that would be a straight up 10.5!

If you have your own children and BM has custody and/or is a very hands on mom, ranks another impressive 10.5. Why? because you should know better not to lie. No one believes you. No one loves anothers child the same as their own. You are just saying it to sound good to others but it has the opposite effect. People are often left wondering what you poor kids must think. You may treat them as your own, but make no mistake, you do not love your husbands ex's children the same as BM does. Creeeeeepy.

If you have children or no children of your own and you are helping to actually raise the child/ren, mom is gone....dead, I can completely see how someone may adopt this attitude. Some still may not believe it, but it is sweet. And the child is probably happy. This doesnt register on my weird-o-meter.

What say you?

by on Jan. 26, 2013 at 1:26 PM
Replies (51-60):
babymama2009883
by on Jan. 26, 2013 at 3:22 PM
I do love my SD but its not the same as the love I feel for DD. That's just how I feel but other people in different situations can feel differently
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
progressandjoy
by Silver Member on Jan. 26, 2013 at 3:25 PM
10 moms liked this

I don’t see why saying, “I love my stepchild like my own,” makes me look like an asshole. In fact, I think someone’s a bigger asshole when they try to tell me that I can’t, I shouldn’t, or I don’t have the right to love my stepson.

 

Now, I will admit that I don’t have children of my own (yet) – and it’s quite possible that when I’m surround by munchkins that share half of my DNA, a lightning bolt will strike and I’ll say, “AHA! That random stranger on Cafémom was right, there’s no way I love my beautiful stepson the same as these little rugrats.” But until that time comes, I will proudly declare that I love my stepson like he was my own. I cannot fathom loving another child more than I love him.

 

When I say that I love him like my own, I’m not trying to compete with BM. In fact, loving my stepson has nothing to do with BM. I’m talking about my relationship, with my stepson. He has a mom. He loves his mom. She loves him. That has nothing to do with me. If saying, “Hey, I love SS like he’s my own child,” offends her, that’s her own issues. I’m not saying, “I love him more than you,” or “I have a stronger bond than you,” or even, “SS loves me more.” I’m just saying that I, personally, adore and cherish my stepson as I would my own biological son. How can that be a bad thing?

 

As for that being detrimental to the birth kids, that’s a total load. When my mom took in my foster brother, my sister and I didn’t feel ‘insulted’ or even left out. He was just another child, who needed a mom to love him. In fact, I do see my foster brother as a 'real' sibling. He’s just as much my silly little brother, as my younger sister is my spunky little sister.  

 

I must be a weirdo, because I think it absolutely heartbreaking to think the value of love is dependent on if the child shares your blood or not.

deadlights86
by Member on Jan. 26, 2013 at 3:25 PM
1 mom liked this

I have been the only mother my step son has known in the past 6 years. He can look at a picture of his mom and not know its her. I do love him like he is my own he doesn't have another mother to love him. His mother would rather do meth and be a hooker 4 hours away than see her son. He had major surgery June 1st of last year she has NEVER called to check on him. I waited in the waiting room with my husband wringing my hands hoping he will come out ok. Dh and I are going to look into me adopting him this spring and have his mothers rights stripped. I don't care if I didn't carry him he is my son and I love him as much as my other children.

dallas4nu
by on Jan. 26, 2013 at 3:38 PM
That is one of the extreme cases I referred to. And completely OT as were discussing step kids, not adopted children.


Quoting destiny83:




Quoting dallas4nu:

I say its total bs. Sorry, maybe under extreme circumstances but the reality is, its biologically impossible to love a sc as your own.



OK. So what is the reality for people with BK's who choose too adopt their next one? Not going to love it  to the same degree?


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
destiny83
by on Jan. 26, 2013 at 3:41 PM


Oh ok. I took it as a general staement, my bad!

Quoting dallas4nu:

That is one of the extreme cases I referred to. And completely OT as were discussing step kids, not adopted children.


Quoting destiny83:




Quoting dallas4nu:

I say its total bs. Sorry, maybe under extreme circumstances but the reality is, its biologically impossible to love a sc as your own.



OK. So what is the reality for people with BK's who choose too adopt their next one? Not going to love it  to the same degree?




Lorena
by Bronze Member on Jan. 26, 2013 at 3:43 PM
I would never disagree. Your feelings are of your own. Just because they differ from how I feel about my SKs doesn't matter to me.

Quoting Lslk:

I love my SK's but I can also say I do not love them like I love my DD's. I would do anything in the world for my DD's but I would not for the SK's. Why? Because they have parents that will do anything in the world for them. I do not feel like I am my SK's Mom nore do I want to replace their Mom. I also do NOT treat them as my own because I am not allowed to. I protect them, make sure they have what they need ect.. But there is nothing like the love you feel for your own kids. Make no mistake. I DO love my SK's, but it is not the same love I have for my own kids and I am willing to admit and own up to that.

Disagree with me all you want but it will not change how I feel.

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
MsNeene
by on Jan. 26, 2013 at 3:47 PM
3 moms liked this
*yawns* feel how you want. But I love my stepkid like I love my own and my DH loves my kids like he lives his own. And if for some reason I found out he didn't love my kids like his own then we wouldn't be together. And if I couldn't love his daughter like my own then I wouldn't be with him. What you sai may work for your family but it dosent work go ALL families. You can't judge or tell someone else how to love people on their lives dosent matter if they came out of my vagina or not!! That's like someone adopting a baby then saying wells I don't love this baby like the woman who gave birth to the baby because the baby didnt come out of my vagina
Lorena
by Bronze Member on Jan. 26, 2013 at 3:52 PM
That is bull. Your saying that it is impossible fir my bff to love her adapted child as much as she loves her bio child. Ya I don't think so.

Quoting dallas4nu:

I say its total bs. Sorry, maybe under extreme circumstances but the reality is, its biologically impossible to love a sc as your own.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
shanlee42
by Silver Member on Jan. 26, 2013 at 3:54 PM
2 moms liked this
I'm going to admit, I didn't read all the replies but here's my take on the "love them like my own."

It seems that everyone interprets this phrase a little differently. I'm a childless stepmom and I interpret it to mean the woman loves the children and treats them how she would treat her own children; with love, compassion, and respect. I don't see the statement as a means of SM wanting the children to be her's.

I care about and love my stepson. I care for him and do for him with a mother's love when he is here.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Amy1973Potts
by on Jan. 26, 2013 at 4:05 PM
6 moms liked this
I interpret this statement as massive insecurity.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)