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The "I love them like my own" statement.....

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It completely weirds mothers out.

Here's why...... It denotes that you somehow love my child in the same fashion that I do. And that just is laughable and isnt even possible. So it really ends up making you look like an asshole.

On a weird-o-meter, if you have no children of your own and the child lives with BM, that would be a straight up 10.5!

If you have your own children and BM has custody and/or is a very hands on mom, ranks another impressive 10.5. Why? because you should know better not to lie. No one believes you. No one loves anothers child the same as their own. You are just saying it to sound good to others but it has the opposite effect. People are often left wondering what you poor kids must think. You may treat them as your own, but make no mistake, you do not love your husbands ex's children the same as BM does. Creeeeeepy.

If you have children or no children of your own and you are helping to actually raise the child/ren, mom is gone....dead, I can completely see how someone may adopt this attitude. Some still may not believe it, but it is sweet. And the child is probably happy. This doesnt register on my weird-o-meter.

What say you?

by on Jan. 26, 2013 at 1:26 PM
Replies (351-360):
baparrot2
by Platinum Member on Jan. 29, 2013 at 8:44 AM

 Then what was your point in bringing that to this post? How is it even relevant?

Quoting SavesSpiders:

 

No one said you did.  

Quoting baparrot2:

 

Quoting SavesSpiders:

Really, every situation is different with its own dynamics.  To say "all" SMs or BMs are feeling, doing, saying, meaning anything is just ... I'll say it... silly.  Just be happy someone loves the kids and move on.  This is not a love contest.  

 Who said "all". I certainly didn't.

 

 

 

forsakingall
by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 9:35 AM

What does it really matter that someone would claim this anyway?  Who cares?  The kids are loved.  You say it makes that SM look like an asshole.  Huh.  Didn't get that. 

baparrot2
by Platinum Member on Jan. 29, 2013 at 9:37 AM

 

Quoting forsakingall:

What does it really matter that someone would claim this anyway?  Who cares?  The kids are loved.  You say it makes that SM look like an asshole.  Huh.  Didn't get that. 

 I feel that if a SM is going to claim she loves the child as her own maybe she should back it up with actions? But too often here on this forum (why I made this post the other day) there was a plethora of SM's claiming to love the kid as their own and out of the other side of their mouth not wanting the kid to visit anymore. That sound cool to you?

lizzyluvsmoe
by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 10:02 AM

Stupider? Laud, help us all.


Quoting Tinkerbellmama:

LMFAO, really?

That right there is stupider than anything the rest of you are trying to say against step-parents who claim to love their step kids.


Quoting soonergirl980:

Yes, actually there is my husband will tell you that very thing.


Quoting Tinkerbellmama:

So, there's some magically change in your feelings towards a child once you have a signed legal form?


Quoting soonergirl980:


Adoption makes the child actually YOURS being a SP does not. An adoptive parent is not the same as a SP I don't even see how you can compare the two.

Quoting Tinkerbellmama:

That's like saying a mom who adopts can't possibly love her child properly. That simply sharing half of your DNA somehow registers the proper amount of love for a child.

I have 3 biological children and SD, I love her the same as i love my biological children. You can doubt that love all you want, but I don't have to justify my love or my feelings to you or anyone else.

And yes, BM is absent. She sees SD maybe once a month with little to no contact in between visits. 











baparrot2
by Platinum Member on Jan. 29, 2013 at 10:06 AM

 "The kids are treated differently. There is no doubt."

This is a direct quote from you troubles just the other day. You are most definitely having problems in your household. You are just using this post as a way to show why kids shouldnt be treated differently and how unfair it is. And as you know, I supported you in that. However, THIS IS NOT WHAT THIS POST IS ABOUT! No matter how much you want it to be, it isnt. Maybe you are just pissed because your husbands recent actions is showing you just how much he doesnt love YOUR children like his own. Because when it comes down to it......he probably doesnt and that is pissing you the fuck off. OWN YOUR SHIT GIRL!

lizzyluvsmoe
by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 10:35 AM
3 moms liked this


Very eloquent Trubleswife, however, a waste.  This woman (parrot) resorts to bullying and name calling and as you and I both know her use of vulgarity proves she does not have enough of a vocabulary without using curse words - an educated person would not have the need to do that.  She can post all the fake tanning pictures she wants, it does not make her a better human.  She can curse until she is blue in the face, she will never receive mother of the year award Iam sure.  And her husband's decision to not have children  with her SPEAKS VOLUMES!!


Quoting Troubleswife:

 Good try what? Today isn't yesterday. 

Was your saying "good try" to try to undermine that I wasn't telling the truth? I checked your page (remember you asked about my mentioning your stepsiblings) to recall where I read and what I remember.  You were the one that insinuated that others deleted posts intentionally. I just pointed out your page was the same. :) That's the truth.

Did you think I was trying to undermine your credibility? Oh honey, you did that all on your own with posting about something you have NO coparision to. You don't love your stepson and the reason is quite clear.

If anyone paid half attention to your story as teenagers in how you fell in love with your now husband, leaving your fathers home to live with him and how they FORCED you to come home and break up with him [the perfect Romeo and Juliet story] against your will ---------Then each of you subsequently married others, or at least had children with others,  only for your both to find each other after divorce........says IT ALL.  You are the bitter old girlfriend turned SM who thinks she deserved to be the first, to have the first kids with your NOW DH.

Then in other stories you talk about how awful your SM treated you. She treated you like an outsider and by your feelings always made you feel like the red headed child.  She made you feel unwelcome, unloved and not an equal part of the family.

Yet, you come here posting about how CREEPY it is that a SM would find appreciation and equal love of her husband'schild, not some other persons kid, her HUSBANDs child.

Wellllllll, a woman who harbor's NO JEALOUSY or RESENTMENT of the other woman or child from that marriage has NOTHING to lose and everything to gain by loving her husband's kid.

I realize many might seee that as a threat but that isn't SM's problem. That is based on something entirely different.

Let me put it in bold print for you. 

FAVORITISM IS THE BEGINNING OF THE END OF ANY FAMILY.

Shall I repeat that to you again.

FAVORITISM IS THE BEGINNING OF THE END OF ANY FAMILY.

It is the single most damaging action above any other action. Kids will forgive abuse. They will forgive selfishness. They will forgive being disconnected or not involved. They will forgive addiction but ask an adult child what they resent the most from their families with more than one child. FAVORITISM

We all (well, not all because you only have one child) are very aware that we may find a special connection to one child over all the others. Differences in personality, actions or a single moment or many moments during a given time allow us to feel CLOSER to a child than another at one time or another.

You may not realize that as a mother of one but it is an unspoken truth. Those of us that have more than one child have realized those moments lead to other moments we have with our OTHER children and form a history of love. The circle of love with each child or person. Eventually, there are many many different moments of being proud and loving with all your children. I have no favorites. It isn't how I was raised. I don't quantify love. I love them all equally but different because they are different people. I do NOT need to compare them. They are not the same. 

More unspoken truths....

Speaking about how a parent (or the person who is authority figure in the home) loves one child more than the other. Not acceptable.

Favoritism? Not acceptable.

Posting about it and condemning other stepmoms because they choose to treat their kids without favoritsm and treat their stepchild as loved as possible in their home. Not acceptable.

It is terribly sad to me that you can't see that and all you wish to do is make other women guilty of the very thing you likely yearn for yourself. Oh, please. Don't come back here and post about how wrong I am. I know otherwise by what you write. All it takes is someone to listen. 

I have no idea why you are the path you are on HERE. I am not sure how you managed so painfully be dishonest with yourself. But, the self righteous bullshit you mutter here serves NO ONE but the very path you hurt from.

People can find love in many things we do not understand. If you cannot possibly understand how other's might love their stepchild equally to their children, maybe you should take that microscope and look within instead of shining it on SM's who are nothing like you or your situation.  All you proceeded to do is prove how close minded you are.   

If you can't see how fucked up this is to pass on. That is on you. Thank you very much for continuing the very stereotypical bullshit of being an evil stepmom and telling so many young stepmoms how WRONG and CREEPY they are for having an open heart.

Sleep on that. /rant over

Quoting baparrot2:

 I checked mine today as well and I saw not one delted post. But then again, I didnt go through 100 pages. Sorry, good try.

Quoting Troubleswife:

I pulled up your name yesterday and it said there were a lot of deleted posts "in process."

Did you delete some of your history? For some reason, I am think cafemom has a timer on posts and likely cleans them out to save sever room OR you are correct, you and others are deleting posts.




Troubleswife
by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 1:16 PM
1 mom liked this

 You are one confused woman. Let me clarify it for you.

Yes, our kids are treated differently that has NOTHING to do with loving them equally.

I'll reply here for you to this same comment on my thread just for full disclosure.

LOL, you have a hard time trusting people don't you?  

About my DH and his "favoritism" and being my being pissy about it: I am not pissy about favoritism. I am pissy about his being hypocritical. Not standing up for what he believes in with stepson and BM.

The issue isn't about his vs hers though obviously some might try to argue that if they didn't know the entire situation and didn't realize he adopted all four of my bio's about 7 years ago. He is their adopted father which is why it was silly to say that a piece of paper changes things. He loved them first then adopted them so he could raise them as his own. But, we are a uniquely blended family because the kids were older and remember their father. 

So, he isn't doing it because he favors his biological son the reality is he's actually raising his adopted kids as he wants them to be raised. He doesn't agree but doesn't know how to manage the differences between my SS's moms home vs ours. It is hard to balance a permissive custodial home. I think that is more the truth since that is the conversations we've had. Still, I don't like it.

You are backtracking. Your post says it all. It is about favoritism of your bios over your stepchild and if you actually love your spouses children as your own then they are 11 on the weird-o-meter. That is what you said.

Who's shit should I own again? How about I own MY shit and you can keep your shit. ;)

 

Quoting baparrot2:

 "The kids are treated differently. There is no doubt."

This is a direct quote from you troubles just the other day. You are most definitely having problems in your household. You are just using this post as a way to show why kids shouldnt be treated differently and how unfair it is. And as you know, I supported you in that. However, THIS IS NOT WHAT THIS POST IS ABOUT! No matter how much you want it to be, it isnt. Maybe you are just pissed because your husbands recent actions is showing you just how much he doesnt love YOUR children like his own. Because when it comes down to it......he probably doesnt and that is pissing you the fuck off. OWN YOUR SHIT GIRL!

 

ShannaBee
by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 5:04 PM



Quoting alexxxxx:

Would you prefer I say, "I love my stepson as much as I possibly could without having birthed him from my own vagina?"

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Seychelles1409
by Gold Member on Jan. 29, 2013 at 11:24 PM
1 mom liked this

I don't get the point of deciding who loves who the most or the least.  Is there a point?  And for the record, there are as many answers for this ridiculous question as there are people in these family dynamics.  

forsakingall
by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 5:25 PM

Nope.  It isn't cool and I don't agree with people who talk out both sides of their orifice.

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