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addendum to "love them like your own"

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 Still have many many ladies swearing they lovem like their own. Even getting insulted.

But yet, every single day on this forum we are littered with posts about how many SM's used to love them like their own.....until they entered their teens and now they are using this forum to help teach them how to disengage.

Not to mention all the blabber about how you would NEVER let your taxes go to pay your husbands arrearages for these children you love like your own. Fucked up huh?

Then lets add in the fact that the same women answering the other post will not pitch in a dime towards a college fund for the shitty teens they are going to hate and disengage from someday.

Post after post after post in this forum and others like it, fly's in the face of this "Love them like my own" statement that gets thrown around.

In fact......there isnt alot of any kind of love for these children on this forum. Not the kind a REAL parent would have.

Older and wiser voices can always help you find the right path, if only you are willing to listen. - Jimmy Buffet
by on Jan. 26, 2013 at 2:18 PM
Replies (11-20):
Steamedpuddle30
by Hi, my name is... on Jan. 26, 2013 at 4:56 PM
I don't think finances equal this love them like thier own either. I will feed,cloth,and protect them while they are here in this home. But i probably would not pay for CS either. Yet we have an account set for the kids and its about $30k each kid. So,I agree w you,I would not equate love w financial stuff. If crap hit the fan,I'd be there for these kids even though I have did engaged a lot(to let BM and Dh do thier parental stuff).

I don't love them like my
Own but I feel there are moms on here that truely feel this. Even though the vent about how bratty skids might be at certain ages.


Quoting luckystars2012:

As a sm, I would not pay for CS arrears because the bill is not in my name, just like I don't pay for any of Jsother bills. But we also maintain separate finances and don't do.taxes together. Also, j doesn't have and has never had arrears.



As a sm, I have contributed more towards my SS college fund than in the.past two years (since we found out bm blew the existing one) than many of the ladies here probably make in a year. He is also written into my living will and a beneficiary on my life insurance policy, with J as the trustee and my sister after him.








Quoting baparrot2:

 Still have many many ladies swearing they lovem like their own. Even getting insulted.



But yet, every single day on this forum we are littered with posts about how many SM's used to love them like their own.....until they entered their teens and now they are using this forum to help teach them how to disengage.



Not to mention all the blabber about how you would NEVER let your taxes go to pay your husbands arrearages for these children you love like your own. Fucked up huh?



Then lets add in the fact that the same women answering the other post will not pitch in a dime towards a college fund for the shitty teens they are going to hate and disengage from someday.



Post after post after post in this forum and others like it, fly's in the face of this "Love them like my own" statement that gets thrown around.



In fact......there isnt alot of any kind of love for these children on this forum. Not the kind a REAL parent would have.


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whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Jan. 26, 2013 at 5:08 PM
1 mom liked this

Which is why, when I see "I love them like my own," 9 times out of 10, I think the poster is either delusional, or lying.

JustaSM231
by Bronze Member on Jan. 26, 2013 at 5:09 PM
There is no need to cuss at me. I am acting like an adult here and would appreciate the same behavior in return. I was not asking those questions with sarcasm or a smart ass attitude. I did read your post and many other replies. I admittedly skipped a few in the middle so I am not exactly clear how it shifted to a discussion about paying for skids or being financially responsible for skids as a SM. I was asking some honest questions to get some honest answers. Thanks.


Quoting baparrot2:

 


Quoting JustaSM231:

So what would you have SM do? I am curious. I love my skids like family. I have no kids of my own. I am not trying to be my skids mother. They have one. That being said, do you think a SM must remain aloof from skids but still bend over backwards to financially support them? I am curious exactly what role you would have SM play?

 Read the damn post again. This is for women who are shouting how much they love the steps LIKE THEIR OWN.


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Jan. 26, 2013 at 5:10 PM



Quoting JustaSM231:

So what would you have SM do? I am curious. I love my skids like family. I have no kids of my own. I am not trying to be my skids mother. They have one. That being said, do you think a SM must remain aloof from skids but still bend over backwards to financially support them? I am curious exactly what role you would have SM play?


Another one who can't see the vast continent of distance between "love them like my own" and "want nothing to do with them."

how about... oh, I don't know... love them like your stepchild?

soonergirl980
by Gold Member on Jan. 26, 2013 at 5:10 PM

And there is the difference between a REAL parent and a Step Parent. My kids come before me and if your sk's don't come before you then you do not love them like their own.

General you I don't think I have ever seen Amy say that she loves them like their own.


Quoting Amy1973Potts:

No. Not really. At least not to me. If their parents want them to go to college, I cant imagine they would expect me to chip in. I can be supportive in other ways. I make less than 12k a year. I have me to think of first, regardless of how I feel about his kids. Cant take care of ME, cant take care of anyone else.

Quoting baparrot2:

 But you see, I agree. But it flys in the face of someone who is screaming that they love them like their own now doesnt it Amy?


Quoting Amy1973Potts:

Last time I checked, financial responsibility fell to the parents. SP can chip in if they want, but it is in no way a requirement. That is putting a price on love, or rather, buying it. And that is twisted.


Quoting baparrot2:


 



Quoting Amy1973Potts:

How does love equal financial responsibility? Really?


 Loving them like your own does.


 



newstepmom61811
by on Jan. 26, 2013 at 5:11 PM
2 moms liked this
What I would look closely at is if the same women are saying they love them like their own and then posting to disengage. If indeed the posters are one in the same you have a point. If not you are lumping two different extremes of SM into one pool and getting a misrepresentation...
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soonergirl980
by Gold Member on Jan. 26, 2013 at 5:11 PM

or the heaps of other ways to love and care from them in between these. I mean come on the leaps and bounds they make with this arguement amazes me.


Quoting whatIknownow:



Quoting JustaSM231:

So what would you have SM do? I am curious. I love my skids like family. I have no kids of my own. I am not trying to be my skids mother. They have one. That being said, do you think a SM must remain aloof from skids but still bend over backwards to financially support them? I am curious exactly what role you would have SM play?


Another one who can't see the vast continent of distance between "love them like my own" and "want nothing to do with them."

how about... oh, I don't know... love them like your stepchild?



MamaMoopsie
by Bronze Member on Jan. 26, 2013 at 5:18 PM
1 mom liked this

I answered your other post as well, and I can see what you're saying. It still doesn't apply to me. I come onto this forum and sometimes I do bitch about SD but not because I don't love her but because even though I am her primary caregiver...hell, somedays it seems like I'm her primary parent, there are still road blocks in our lives that come from me not being her biological mother. Mostly, though, I use this forum as a place to vent about BM and her "I don't give a damn" attitude towards SD.

My SD is already going into puberty (she'll be 10 in a month) and she's getting the attitude, the defiance, and everything else, but  don't think I'm going to ever want to disengage from her because even when she's being snotty and rude she wants me and she still needs me to help guide her and correct her when she's really out of line. I remember being a teen and being hateful and willful and rude. I know it passes. We have college funds set up for all of our children, and yes, that includes SD. We have life insurance policies for both my DH and I in which all four (soon to be five) children will get equal shares of. I spend any money I make on all of the kids not just on my biological children.

Amy1973Potts
by on Jan. 26, 2013 at 5:21 PM
You are something else.

Quoting soonergirl980:

And there is the difference between a REAL parent and a Step Parent. My kids come before me and if your sk's don't come before you then you do not love them like their own.

General you I don't think I have ever seen Amy say that she loves them like their own.



Quoting Amy1973Potts:

No. Not really. At least not to me. If their parents want them to go to college, I cant imagine they would expect me to chip in. I can be supportive in other ways. I make less than 12k a year. I have me to think of first, regardless of how I feel about his kids. Cant take care of ME, cant take care of anyone else.



Quoting baparrot2:

 But you see, I agree. But it flys in the face of someone who is screaming that they love them like their own now doesnt it Amy?



Quoting Amy1973Potts:

Last time I checked, financial responsibility fell to the parents. SP can chip in if they want, but it is in no way a requirement. That is putting a price on love, or rather, buying it. And that is twisted.



Quoting baparrot2:



 




Quoting Amy1973Potts:

How does love equal financial responsibility? Really?



 Loving them like your own does.



 




Posted on CafeMom Mobile
baparrot2
by Platinum Member on Jan. 26, 2013 at 5:22 PM

 You are the exact opposite of the type SM I am talking about. Which is why, if I were you, I wouldnt be miffed with me, I would be more inclined to be miffed with the posers in front of you not doing the work you do and not willing to do anything for their skids and still say they love them like their own. Isnt it them you should be annoyed with? I am basically agreeeing with you. You are raising your SD. I would hope you would strive to love her like your own.

Quoting MamaMoopsie:

I answered your other post as well, and I can see what you're saying. It still doesn't apply to me. I come onto this forum and sometimes I do bitch about SD but not because I don't love her but because even though I am her primary caregiver...hell, somedays it seems like I'm her primary parent, there are still road blocks in our lives that come from me not being her biological mother. Mostly, though, I use this forum as a place to vent about BM and her "I don't give a damn" attitude towards SD.

My SD is already going into puberty (she'll be 10 in a month) and she's getting the attitude, the defiance, and everything else, but  don't think I'm going to ever want to disengage from her because even when she's being snotty and rude she wants me and she still needs me to help guide her and correct her when she's really out of line. I remember being a teen and being hateful and willful and rude. I know it passes. We have college funds set up for all of our children, and yes, that includes SD. We have life insurance policies for both my DH and I in which all four (soon to be five) children will get equal shares of. I spend any money I make on all of the kids not just on my biological children.

 

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